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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to feel very let down

17 replies

MCos · 03/05/2012 23:47

Feeling fairly hard done by.

Had a mole removed a few weeks ago, consultant advised that results warranted increasing the margins. Had outpatient procedure today to increase the margins, resulting in 12 stitches. Was advised to take it as easy as possible for remainder of evening, as large wound.

First DH asked if I'd put kids to bed, because he was 'busy'. We ended up sharing this. Even if I did feel, WTF. I should have just refused, I know.

We decide to take separate beds tonight, for my comfort (his suggestion).
And then he fecks off to bed at 9:30 to read a book, and leaves me to it.

So I'm all alone when I start to freak out about what today's surgery has meant. I am feeling lonely, unloved, and very let down by DH. AIBU or just suffering delayed reaction?

OP posts:

OpheliasWeepingWillow · 03/05/2012 23:50

YANBU

He sounds horrendous!

Hope you feel better soon

iphoned · 03/05/2012 23:50

No, YANBU. Why do some men do this? It's like they have tunnel vision..Hope you feel better and everything turns out fine. Hey, at least you can sit here and giggle at AIBU threads!

Iactuallydothinkso · 03/05/2012 23:50

I'm sorry you feel low about it. Hope you get better soon. Sometimes people need things spelling out to them. Perhaps you need to be direct and tell him exactly what you want and need. It can feel awful when someone just doesn't get it but equally most people can't read minds. What might be perfectly obvious to you may not be to him. Be direct!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/05/2012 23:52

It sounds as if he is being very insensitive. Could you go and tell him how you are feeling?

BIWItheBold · 03/05/2012 23:53

Weeell ...

If you were told to take it easy, then you should have done.

By not doing so, you've left yourself exposed.

And if the DC are in bed, you've not been 'left to it' - you've just been left on your own.

If DH is in bed reading, why not go up and talk to him about how you feel? It does sound as if you're being a bit martyrish, tbh.

Original poster

MCos · 04/05/2012 00:00

Thanks all, responses have perked me up already.

BIWI - he is well asleep at this time. But yes, martyrish is probably fair assessment.

By 'left to it' I mean that I'm left to process the scary feelings on my own. I didn't start freaking out while I was busy.

I'm sure I'll be quite direct with him tomorrow morning.

OP posts:

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 04/05/2012 00:05

He sounds like a selfish arse, I couldn't be with someone like that.

DreamingofSummer · 04/05/2012 00:07

Chipping You sound like an arse, I couldn't be with someone like that.

Original poster

MCos · 04/05/2012 00:10

Chipping, he can be quite selfish. Generally, he looks after his own needs first. But he has his good points too. I guess I contribute to it by not calling him on it...

I'll take this as a wake up call, and be more direct with him about the impact this had on me.

OP posts:

learningtofly · 04/05/2012 00:25

Oh op you have my sympathy.

I had a mole removed 6 years ago but had to have further removal a few weeks later. the original removal hurt like hell! And I was seriously incapacitated for a week - at that time I had no dcs but given the site of the surgery I could barely sit or walk without being in agony. Yanbu.

BIWItheBold · 04/05/2012 00:32

Direct sounds good!

Hope you're feeling better tomorrow.

lisad123 · 04/05/2012 00:38

He is doing the same as my dh, it's called bury head in sand mode

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 04/05/2012 01:08

Mcos - that sounds like a good plan :)

Dreaming - what's your problem?

AdoraBell · 04/05/2012 02:58

Could be what my OH does, can't cope with the vaguest idea of me being unwell so subconsciously decides it's not happening. Which means he doesn't need to take his head out of his arse computer. Over time this has resulted in me just not telling him when I need to see a Dr. Does that sound like your OH at all? Not that it excuses him.

Hope you can sleep and relax, and in the morning let him know what you need.

Thumbwitch · 04/05/2012 03:06

YANBU. Go and wake him up and tell him you're scared and he's an arse.

dreamingbohemian · 04/05/2012 03:17

Oh my sympathies, I had this exact situation some years ago, it's not fun. Try not to worry though, usually they go for the margins just to get everything, not becasue there's something wrong.

My boyfriend at the time was also really unsympathetic, I guess he decided that it was probably no big deal and so didn't want to hear me go on about it, or something.

I think it's fair enough to talk to your husband, just try not to blame him for not reading your mind... if you were sucking it up all night, he might not have known you wanted to talk about it later...

sunnydelight · 04/05/2012 03:24

YANBU to be having a bit of a delayed reaction, but to be fair to your DH maybe he saw you coping so didn't realize you needed support. Yes, I know it should be fairly self-evident, but I have sometimes been left like you feeling upset and angry when DH hasn't done what to me was "the obvious" and when I have talked to him about it afterwards he was genuinely surprised. Hope you feel better tomorrow.

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