To be really irritated by unwanted parenting advice by sister?

[mamabellasworld]

DD only just turned two and (Welcome, terrible twos! :)) yes, sometime she will not listen to what I (or dad, or granny) say. She will e.g. grab my sun glasses, start playing with them and will not put them down even after being asked to do so 3 or 4 times. Well, no big deal for me- I'll just walk over, take the sunglasses out of her hand and put them away. And to me that's it.
My sister however feels that at barely two, DD should be reacting to the very first (or at least second) "No", and keeps giving me a hard time about how badly brought up DD is. Drives me mad, as sisters DS is just 2 months old and I feel my sister is full of "My kid will never do that" delusions. I know that sooner or later she will eat her words, but for now she really annoys hell out of me.

DD is lively and interested in everything she can get hold of but certainly not badly brought up.

Sometimes I even feel like not meeting up with my sister anymore as I do not like how she paints DD as an obnoxious brat and don't want DD labeled as such.

Am I being unreasonable here? Overreacting?

No, YANBU. My almost 11 YO DD takes at least four goes to do something. Turn the telly off, go to bed, wash up, do your homework for example.
Your sister has a rude awakening coming.

YANBU

And you will get to sit and watch smugly when your sister is going through the terrible two's and cackle with laughter remind her of all the things she said to yuo

yeah but the thing is these people have selective memories. All the grief you're getting now will be 'forgotten' when her child goes through the same thing. In fact you'll probably have to listen to her complaining about other people doing the same to her!

YANBU

Don't pay any attention to your sister (just bide your time and you'll be laughing about it when she realises the awful truth )

It sounds like you have the right 'pick your battles' approach. The only thing I might do slightly differently (using your example) would be as you are taking the thing away say 'No, I asked you to stop' just so she connects being told 'No' and ignoring it will result in having it taken from her - the 'consequence' if you like. It's not too early to start that.

My sister once informed me that "there is no such thing as 'ther terrible twos', just terrible parenting"

Oh how I laughed when her DS turned 2 a few months later

Tell her that when you need advice on raising your dd you'll ask and in the meantime she's to mind her own business and concentrate on her own child , not yours.

I find it very hard not to laugh at people who advise me on my toddler when they themselves do not have a toddler.

So laugh at her. And in two years, do your very elegant 'told you so' dance.

Of course your sister knows shitloads about being a parent if hers is only 2m. I think I knew even more pre-birth and was at my most experty expert pre-conception. Unless it is having an actual impact on your DD try to just ignore the bad behaviour and when your sister does say something positive about your daughter make sure you leap in with a big 'Oh that was a lovely thing to say! I do like it when you praise DD. It is so lovely to hear you being affectionate towards her.'

Try explaining that this is a developmental stage, chldren are learning to assert themselves, getting frustrated that they cannot do what they want, its is normal. Parenting is guiding them through this and it is a process. If she makes any comments, say that this is normal, its not to do with bad parenting. If you want to avoid her for a bit, do so.

Meanwhile, enjoy yourself with the knowledge that in 2 years time you can be really, really smug, remember a few phrases she uses and trot them out. My DS did this to me as well, but about getting my DS (1) to sleep through the night (she didn't have any children then). She was just doing it to get at me, I've had great fun in the past 3 years when none of her children sleep well, I just love hearing about the distrubed nights... Oh and mine sleep pretty well.

I am ashamed to admit (having had ds quite late in life) that I used to be a bit like that pre-child I was too diplomatic to voice what I was thinking at the time but I would come home and be v.v.judgey with my husband about my sils kids. If it makes you feel any better I now have a very psychotic lively toddler and I've aged 10 yrs in 2!! Karma will come back and bite her in the arse. Until then simply ignore advice of those who have not been there, sit back, watch and wait (and maybe have a dictaphone)

@ penelope!

YANBU. Just see her a bit less often.

YANBU. My SIL and BIL have been full of useful child rearing advice/criticism even before they had a dc. Notably they are not doing any of the things they suggested now they have a DC but still full of the 'advice'. I keep saying don't judge other parents until you've walked a mile in their shoes- doesn't stop them - they just love being judgemental gives them a little kick I think. However it means relations are a little strained.

Yanbu, my sister does this, she's childless and living with our parents in her mid20s but loves to spout unsolicited advice on childrearing, finances, housekeeping, work etc. Basically everything she has no experience of!
A really cutting, below the belt remark can work wonders, if a few weeks of the silent treatment is what you're after!

Next time you see her, have some sheets of paper and some envelopes to hand. Then whatever she says about your bad parenting, make an enormous show about writing it on the paper verbatim, putting it in an envelope (not forgetting to ostentatiously lick it) and writing 'to be opened on (some date when your nephew is 2/3) on the front.

Then put them in a special box labelled 'to future mamabellasworld's sister'.

experty expert
I like this.

I like it plantsitter!

Each time I had a comment that was vaguely sneering / presumptious, e.g. "is he listening to Mozart" (during pregnancy) I'd come straight back with something e.g No Greenday actually. (yes that ages me). I didn't let any comment go unchallenged and because she didn't have anything to back up what she said all she could do was go "Oh".

Yes, I'm still cross about it.

The issue isn't whether OP is / isn't teaching her child in the right way, we all have different views about it, but that someone feels they can comment on it. Unless I ask someones advice or I'm having a general discussion I don't want to hear anyone else's opinion other than my DH. I would think that that was well out of order, I'm excluding from this obvious things like not playing with the chainsaw. OP YANBU.

I'm sure you sister is being unreasonable, but you should be aware of how a toddler described as "lively and interested in everything" might be perceived by others.

The next time it happens why don't you smile sweetly and say "that sounds like really good advice, would you mind writing it down for me and then I can give it to you when your DC reaches 2 years; I'm sure you'll be grateful for it then."

Yes what scholes said, totally

Thanks, great ideas!:o

Funny thing is, DD is a lot like my sister when she was a toddler (she's quite a bit younger and I remember her as a extremely lively 2 year old).

@StrandedBear: I do tell DD why and explain, I just did not mention it in my post, because I just feel it is none of my sister's business no matter what I say or don't say. :)