to avoid neighbours parents and wait by door till they have gone?

[familyfun]

neighbour is nice lady my age, rarely home, speaks to me and dds when she sees us, sends cards and little girfts for them, never any noise, only problem is her obsession for burning wood on any dry day wrecking my washing, but as a whole a very good neighbour.
her parents are also friendly, send cards to us but i find them a nightmare to talk to. since we had dd2 neighbours dad insists on saying to dd1 he is going to "take her sister" and even told her one day he "had her sister in his house and was keeping her", at first dd1 was upset and said no no but now i just tell her he is being silly and ignore him and she shouts you cant have my sister. i say infront of him "oh he is being silly again" but he wont stop saying it.
he also hides behind a bush and jumps out on dd1 making her scream and she nearly ran in the orad one day when he did it on the school run. if he sees me gardening (he is always next door) he comes out and stands there for ages making stupid comments, "you can do mine when youve finished, put your back into it, got nothing to do, wheres dp he should be doing that, etc etc etc".
if im in the back garne his head pops over the fence and he starts saying crap again.
i just want peace in my own garden, he is in his 60s and im now waiting for him to go in before i go out to avoid having to fake smile and run.

I'd be tempted to hide behind a bush and jump out and give him a fright (only half joking ). I'd tell him bluntly don't say things like that to my daughter (the bit about taking her sister).

Speak to your neighbor, he needs to be told.

He sounds like even if you were harsher and told him to stop, he'd still find this extremely amusing. My brother is a bit like this with my kids (not such a prat, but he doesn't know when teasing has actually gone too far).

I think the best would be too seriously and conspicuously blank him, even when your are with your DD just look ahead and walk straight past, same in your own garden. Do not engage, he'll probably get bored of you. Good luck.

Buy earphones ear buds for both of you and pretend you and DD are listening to something so you can blank him totally. Especially when you are gardening etc. Many people seem to have them in whenever they step out of the house round here. Just point to your ipod, phone or whatever if he appears making it clear you can't hear him. He should give up then.

glad you all agree he is a nuicanse, i wondered if i was being intolerant.
he comes every day to potter round garden and i presume do housework, think he is very bored actually, he brings wood from his house to his daughters and they all burn it every dry weekend, daughter included.

i have not seen him but when i do i am going to follow advice and ignore him but if he says anything else to dd1 i will tell him not to speak to her like that and that he is scaring her. i know he will then laugh and say oh dd1 youre not scared are you, im only joking, but i will repeat till he gets the message.

weird thing is when we first brought dd2 home from hospital first thing mil said to dd1 is "can we take dd2 home with us and keep her", so i did wonder if this is something the older generation think is a funny joke

What sort of wood are they burning? If it's bits of old fence and painted wood it could be giving off all sorts of toxic chemicals as it burns. Def. complain about this to the neighbour. My next door neighbour was burning stuff like this in his chiminea on the patio and the smoke was blowing next door to me and through the patio door. It absolutely stank. Fortunately I had no washing out bu the smell lingered for hours afterwards.

I would ask the council about bonfires and if your neighbour doesn't stop them when you've asked her to I would report them.

You could be right about the generational thing, my cousin said to my mum after she'd seen her first niece that 'I could have taken her home she's so gorgeous' but then she was very broody. She didn't say it to anyone else or keep on about it though. The neighbour's dad is still way out of order.

I'd go to the neighbour first and tell her that her father's comments were becoming very distressing for your child and you don't want to hear them again.

I'd make sure I'd told him to stop making those comments because they were frightening your child.

If he then carried on I'd tell him that I'd be reporting him to the police for threatening behaviour if there was any repeat of the comments about kidnapping small children. This is beyond a joke- he's been asked to stop and now he's getting entertainment from frightening small children. Stupidity is no excuse for bullying.

i might check with council about fires, she burns bits of old shed/fence that have been lying round her garden and it stinks and kids cant play out so its a bit selfish of her.

I must be really tolerant of crazy because i dont really see such a big issue with the jokes. He's messing about, albeit missing the mark of hilarious a bit, but surely you can laugh off jokes like these. How old is your dd1, does she honestly think he's a sister stealer [hmmm] because i can imagine someone making these sort of jokes and would have thought most parents wouldnt think of them as sinister unless you are that way paranoid of baby snatchers lurking around every corner inclined..? I do think its just one of those older generation jokes, " ooh what a lovely baby, can we keep her" which i would just laugh off, and i would think your response to it would direct your dd1's response to it. Also, when did popping out from behind a tree and saying boo become such a crime? Is that not what annoying old men do to children?

The wood burning would annoy me tho. Tell your neighbour (not the parents) to make it stop, she will probably be mortified and stop it.
The fence head popping up would annoy me as i like privacy in the garden. I second a nice high bush, or a bit of trellis.

I say speak to your neighbour and be honest with her about it, especially as his comments are upsetting your daughter- joke or not. It's possible he doesn't realise how much of a dick he is being he comes across (although I feel he probably does)
A friend of mine ended up terrified of her old neighbour. She began being friendly with the guy when she moved in but somewhere along the way he got it into his head that she wanted more than that, if she was gardening, even when her hubby was present he would be out leching over the fence and making filthy comments, she laughed it off at first (the guy was late 60's) but it got worse over time. When she moved he even started "visiting" her new place trying to get in. She had told him clearly that his behaviour was unacceptable, she had words with his wife too but he still didn't stop. It all came to a head one day when she weeding her new garden, didn't hear the dirty old sod creep up behind here and he grabbed her arse telling her what he would like to do to her bent over :@ she almost took his face off with the slap she gave him and threatened him with the police if he ever came near her again..he didn't and won't make eye contact with her now in the street. much to her relief.

im not paranoid of baby snatchers and know he is joking but its not funny when it upsets/scares a 4yr old.
he is just annoying.

DD's GGma did the "ooh I'm going to take the baby home" joke, I thought it was funny, but DD (3) was so upset and we had to spend ages reassuring her that GGma didn't mean it (including GGma who was mortified!) - so I totally understand where you are coming from.

I think the council will have something to say about them burning fencing, it's probably got a whole bunch of nasty chemicals in.

I think it's different when it's a member of your family, especially if your child knows them quite well. It's a very different proposition when it's a virtual stranger, and one who frightens you - the child I mean - at that.

My friends dad is like this. He is a pest. He annoyed me one too many times and I looked him sternly in the eye when I was alone with him and said "I know your game. Pack it in, now." He hasn't bothered me since although he still pesters other women. Was v proud of myself for giving him the stern look as I hate confrontation.

Stop being so passive. Ask him nicely to stop a couple of times and if he doesn't get the message then switch to Fuck Off and have a go at him (verbally obviously).

I wouldn't be putting up with it. When someone is annoying I start nice, then they get a warning shot, then they get double barrels.

Not many people annoy me now.

Personally, I would find this not frightening, but highly irritating. The idea of someone warbling on when I'm in my own garden...

I agree about the hedge. The quicker growing, the better.

If he does upset your dd again I would simply say, in a non-aggressive, matter of fact way - "I need to not do/say that to my daughter. " and keep repeating it like a broken record.
If he keeps whittering on talking to you, I'd point out that when you are in your garden, sorry if you seem rude, but it's your own time and you don't want to keep him from all the jobs he needs to be doing. Then pop the ear buds (as suggested) back in. Or if your dd is there, acknowledge the man, then get back to a very involved game with your dd. Don't give him anything more than the time of day.
He sounds like a nob, and age has nothing to do with it. He clearly is one of those twats who mistake repeating recycled shite for humour.

Oh god - this sounds just like my dad!

Wish I had some wise words OP, but Jux's list & LRD's suggestions seem the best bet for you. Oh and if you're in Cornwall, it probably is my dad

not cornwall, dont worry