am i being over sensitive ..?

[mrsbuckett]

DS is 2 weeks in to new school.He is 5,I find approaching parents re play dates really really hard.I know it sounds stupid.

He has not been invited back to play at any of his new school friends houses yet.Is this normal?

I have approached a couple of parents but just got vague replies.

Do you arrange play dates for your 5 year old,And does it even matter?

He is only two weeks into a new school. I would give it maybe half a term for him to make friends and then invite people home for play dates, when you know who his friends are.

I think you are rushing things a bit. give other parents time to get to know you - at the moment you are a stranger to them. they might want to get to know you a bit before letting their 5 year olds come over to play.

Maybe give it a little time, when my DS started he didn't really know anyone. It took about a term to settle in, I then asked him who he would like to invite and asked their mums. It did help just talking to the other mums before then whilst waiting for pick up.

Don't worry about the vague replies, if they are like me they can't remember what is going on at any particular time. I arrange the date with the mum, give a couple of options or ask when is convienient for them. For the first one / two times the mum came as well, now they just drop them off or I pick up both children even if they haven't stayed before. Good luck and don't worry, he'll make friends and go on play dates soon enough.

My DS has been at school since September. No play dates yet.

What we do do, though, is go to the local park where all the kids go after school. This way he gets to play with his classmates without the hassle of organising playdates. Could you do something similar?

Nothing parent does works ime, child has to make their own social life eventually EXCEPT parent making close friends with other parents. That works very very well, in younger years but won't replace child's own social skills at older age.

I think if you want to arrange a playdate you need to go to child's parent and say something along the lines of "Jane would very much like John to come for tea after school. Could we organise a date? Tuesdays and Thursdays are good days for us". And not leave without agreeing a date or at least a firm committment for parent to let you know tomorrow.

I've had lots of parents vaguely saying to me "oh we must have DD round" and when I say that would be lovely and that she's doesn't do anything after school apart from on Wednesdays, they mumble something about checking the diary for a good date and then never come back to me. Consequently I assume that parents are NOT genuinely interested in having DD round unless they are going to push a bit more for it.

However at this age and in new school, suggesting going to the park after school might be more favourably received?

My dds didn't have playdates as such until the second year of primary school. Just give it a while, see who he's friendly with. I wouldn't take it personally, for me playdates are actually a nightmare - I have 3 children, work weekends and nights and can barely find enough time to go to the toilet in peace, never mind reciprocate.

Is there a club nearby that a lot of the class go to?. I know that when my dd started a gymnastic class after school and found that a few of the children from school went, it was easier to arrange things as the parents had a bit more time to firm things up as we were all hanging about waiting on the class ending.

I never had playdates until highschool, my parents would have been irritated with other people. I was never short of friends. Don't panic. You'll be fine. They'll probably ask you.

At 5 and in his first term at school, my ds1 was far too tired to cope with playdates afterwards. He was already grumpy from a long and more structured day and was in no state to be any sort of host!

I found that you needed to let the dcs settle into school first and then perhaps keep away from more formal playdates (horrible word) but go to the park after school when the weather was nice and nobody too tired. That way friendships developed more naturally. But I question the need for very formal playdates at 5 anyway.

Goodness you are sensitive. It's two weeks, not two terms. The children are just getting used to being in school the whole day. It is tiring for them, they are trying to find their feet and to be honest I refused to do play dates before the first half term. There were mums who did ask for playdates but I was honest and told them that after half term would be better.

I also found that by then the kids could, themselves, select who they wanted to spend more time with.

Chill out, you really do not want to be known as that mother. I tend to avoid that mother at the school gates. I find she exhausts me.

You're rushing things

Wait until your child asks you if he can have someone round to play.

What worra said - give it time!

Hello all!
Thanks for your replies. Honestly, very useful.
He asks me almost daily to invite x y or z home, so in a way he is instigating my stalking parents at the school gate.I am going to just lay off.It makes me uncomfortable, like I said in my post and it feels awkward.I will be heading to the park after school and just see what comes.

You are a lovely mom but what worra says. Now relax x

Jeez, 2 weeks and you are worrying! DS has never been to a school friend's house, nor have we had any here. Mainly that's because we don't drop him off or pick him up so never see any of the parents, but still. YOu are massively over reacting.

So you won't ask anyone but you expect them to ask you?