Tell me AIBU to be pissed off at (D)H and his family

[iphoned]

He's gone abroad on holiday to his best friends wedding. We went last year aswell for another friends wedding and as an outsider to the country I asked his cousins one by one if anyone wanted to come with me to the wedding as I knew nobody and it would be fun. They all declined my offer and said they don't go to weddings of people they don't know. I asked DH to ask at least ONE of the women of his family to come along with me and he said he wouldn't ask them as it's "a lady's matter"

So today I phone him up and ask him who's going to the wedding. Guess what? His SiL, niece and cousin's daughter WITH THEIR KIDS were all going, AND they don't know his friend or his family!!!! and the best part - he ASKED THEM TO GO WITH. WTAF???? WHY COULDN'T HE HAVE ASKED LAST YEAR FOR ME? Yet now, he's off giving invitations to everyone.

I am so pissed off. The reason why I am pissed off is because, when I asked him to ask them to come with me, he didn't. But now I'm not there he is tagging them along and treating them on days out. Am I actually hated THAT MUCH by his family?

H and I are having very bad marital problems at the moment, and this is just another thing on a list of things that are pissing me off about him and his relationship with his family, Which man marries a woman and STILL puts his own family before his wife and children? This is what my husband does.

I'll probably be flamed now, but I hasten to add, he has left me alone here with our two children whilst he is off swanning and flashing the cash on his fucking family, when he couldn't take ONE day off for me and the children since last year.

Which man marries a woman and STILL puts his own family before his wife and children?

a man who's culture promotes/encourages that behaviour

I would love to assume his understanding of your expectations of what a relationship and marriage is about is what you think it is.
But my guess is - it isn't.

Move house while he's away. That'll teach him!

I feel like telling to fuck off and stay up his family's arses. I don't know if its culture or just him. I know plenty of men from the same background who don't live for and die for their family. They actually put their children and wives first.

I am so fuming but have restrained myself from calling him since 3.45pm because I know it will cause another big fight over the phone...but my blood is boiling.

Couldn't you have asked someone from your own family? Maybe they felt uncomfortable being invited to your dhs friends wedding by you and not dh? I am assuming your are both from different cultures, us that correct?

Are the children at school? Are you in a position to go away somewhere with them when your DH is due home? I'd take kids away for as long as he was on holiday at the wedding.

DS is 4 months and DD 4. He'd been working overtime for the past 3 months, and I didn't know why he was working so much. Then he sprung it on me, that he was going away. I hadn't even got DS's passport made so we couldn't go either way. He did it on purpose.

I wouldn't feel confident taking DS somewhere else for 3 weeks on my own - it would mess up his sleep pattern and routine.

I'm confused...how come you are both inviting your family and friends to other peoples weddings? Surely the couple make the invitations?

I don't understand. Sorry.

ICanTuck - it's a cultural thing where families are invited rather than just couples, so basically you can take any family member along and no one minds. This is why I asked his cousins to come with me last year, but they declined, and now they're all tagging along with each other.

I see, apologies for my thickness

That's really unfair of him to leave you behind like that, particularly when he didn't even give you the option with DSs passport situation.

No advice, sorry, but I know I'd be having serious words when he got home. Including arsehole 'we are your family therefore your priority'.

i dont understand this ' what man puts his family before his wife comment. family will always be there, you may not. Hes known them longer than you and they have impacted his life in a big way.

mini - that's not fair. I am not asking him to leave his family, and I have tried my damn best to reach out to them too because I know how important they are to him. There would be more of a chance of me staying in his life if he actually respected me and helped with our children. Or he should have married his fucking family. (sorry for the swearing, but it's making me feel better right now)