I had a wild idealistic notion that when I went on mat leave with dd2 last October that I would not return to work for a while and be a SAHM. I mentally waved goodbye to my own hard-earned office and, although I felt sad a little, my dreams of being a fanciful mum of 2 gadding about to parks and museums and jumping in the car to somewhere new on a whim was buzzing in my head.
Cue ds1 turning into a really terrible two pretty much as soon as dd was born, dd having medical issues (not really serious, but going out on a whim has not been an option) and my idealistic notion was pretty much blown apart.
I've never felt so anxious or depressed in my entire life. It's the hardest job I've ever done and, this week, I went back into my old job to discuss my return. Within minutes of being there, I knew it was the right thing to do and by the time I left, I felt a small piece of the old me was back.
Don't get me wrong, I would love to be a good SAHM but it's not going to happen. I hate the drudgery, the monotony, the dashing, the planning, the shopping, the washing - all this, and we still have a cleaner and a lady who comes in to help look after ds1 2 days a week.
I am educated, intelligent and take pride in things but I hold my hands up - I'm not good at being a mum day in day out. Give me 3 days a week work, and I'll feel like a new woman.