I can't live with the white elephant in the room

[addictedtotoast]

I have a good relationship with my MIL and I make an effort to take my DD to see her regularly. My DD is 6 months. At the moment my FIL and MIL are having marital problems however they refuse to discuss this issue, which is fine of course. My main concern is that my MIL does not seem to want my FIL to have a relationship with my DD. When I take my DD to visit she regularly shouts at my FIL when he is holding my DD and snatches her away from him. When I am going to visit she tries to arrange something that does not involve him and she regularly disappears off to her friends house with my DD. She doesn't do it when my husband is there. I love them both and I want them both to have a good relationship with my DD, however arranging seperate visits would be far to time consuming. I now try and give my daughter to him at every opportunity so it probably looks like I favour him.... AIBU to want to address this issue and get it out on the open?

I'd get your dh to talk to them and tell them that if they don't want to talk about their problems then that's fine, but if they want to keep it to themselves they should do so properly and not make you feel awkward.

Oh how awkward! Personally I would just invite FIL over for lunch....on his own as a way of (meanly) showing MIL that this wont do.

Or ask them both and then she can't run away with the baby...if he snaps at FiL an you say "Oh no...dont do that! DD loves grandad too and doesn't want to see him getting told off."

Good idea TheHouseOnTheCorner I will say that next time. I will practice that phrase.

Try talking to her.

Explain that you will not be taking sides but she can't use your child as a weapon, your dd will be spending time with oth of them,if she doesn't like it tough.

Praps mil is worried about your baby's safety. Are they having marital problems because he is agressive, bad tempered or violent? Praps mil can't discuss it with you because you might not take baby around again if you felt alarmed.

No he is quite a placid person. I've known him for eight years and I never seen him be aggressive. But I guess you just don't know what happens in a marriage.

Praps mil is worried about your baby's safety. Are they having marital problems because he is agressive, bad tempered or violent? Praps mil can't discuss it with you because you might not take baby around again if you felt alarmed.

WTAF?

It it is the MIL not the FIL who is acting in an aggressive manner!

I think you need to talk to her OP. It's fine to keep marital problems private but not when it impacts on you and your child.