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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should i apologise?

23 replies

Spuddybean · 01/05/2012 18:16

I organised someone to come and do some work at my house and agreed a date 6 weeks in advance. They didn't get back to me regarding access as the date approached. They then emailed on the day they were due to say they had lost their phone (which is why they couldn't contact me - despite having my email) and would now not be doing the agreed work.

I had gotten them thru a website which requests you rate the person. So i candidly said what had happened - Pricier than expected, waited for availability and last minute no show.

Now he has sent me a nasty email calling me vindictive and saying that he has a funeral today :( . Should i answer? I have drafted a factual email stating what happened and that we are asked to review him by the website, but i'm not sure whether i should send it.

Would i be unreasonable to send it or should i just ignore him? Or should i even apologise for my bad review?

I feel quite upset now :(

OP posts:

Gravity1 · 01/05/2012 18:18

His fault, he could have e mailed you sooner. Dont worry about it and ignore him.

catgirl1976 · 01/05/2012 18:19

Ignore him.

Gumby · 01/05/2012 18:19

Ignore him
Load of baloney

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/05/2012 18:19

I wouldn't apologise. I probably wouldn't send the email. It wasn't a last minute emergency mistake, he left it weeks.

KenDoddsDadsDog · 01/05/2012 18:20

Ignore him. Shit way to run his business.

Sarcalogos · 01/05/2012 18:20

Ignore, not your problem.

Coconutty · 01/05/2012 18:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

confusedpixie · 01/05/2012 18:21

He should have gotten hold of you sooner. Don't apologise and don't reply, as long as you've been factual and not exaggerated or misled then the review is sound and he can take it up with the owners of the site.

FartBlossom · 01/05/2012 18:22

Ignore definately.

He had 6 weeks to get in touch with you. He said his phone was broke so couldnt access e-mails. Assuming that's true there are other ways to access e-mail isnt there? He must have lost a lot of business in that 6 weeks. Also seems convenient to me to have managed to get in touch with you on the day of the work.

I suspect he's just laying it on with you. What do other reviews of this business say?

bigjoeent · 01/05/2012 18:22

I can understand him delaying because he had a funeral, maybe even for a long time if someone close. It does however sound like an excuse as he is now not doing the agreed work, especially as he didn't contact you before hand.

I'd ignore the email, much as it feels better to vent and say precisely why they are wrong, it doesn't get you anywhere. They will never turn around and agree with you and you risk escalating it. Don't apologise for your review if you believe what you wrote was true.

nightowlmostly · 01/05/2012 18:22

Well, how are you to know they had a funeral, if they even did? It sounds like they are just trying to guilt trip you into not giving a bad review tbh.

minipie · 01/05/2012 18:22

No, I don't think you need to apologise. I would reply saying you were asked for a review, your review reflects your experience, and you are sorry to hear that he has a funeral but you did not know this until now.

I do sympathise - it's horrid getting angry emails - but IMO they tend to prove that the other person knows they are in the wrong, rather than that you are.

minipie · 01/05/2012 18:23

actually having read the other posts - I think maybe just ignore his email rather than replying, unless it would make you feel better.

HolyCalamityJane · 01/05/2012 18:25

I would send him a quick response telling him you do not wish to be contacted by him again and if he continues to harass you you will add this to your review also. That should stop him contacting you again.

Groovee · 01/05/2012 18:25

I would say his angry email is because he knows he was in the wrong and you've been honest. I would ignore and not apologise.

FartBlossom · 01/05/2012 18:25

I left positive feedback for a ebay purchase once, but did mention in the comments how I would have liked a bit more communication as it was still classed as not sent even though I had it and I had to chase up said item. After I left that feedback I got a message from the seller, but deleted without reading it Im a big wimp

Badgerina · 01/05/2012 18:26

YANBU.

Ignore. You will only end up in a shitty email to and fro that will upset you even more. He had 6 weeks to email you. I'm not surprised you gave him a bad review.

Xales · 01/05/2012 18:27

He didn't contact you and say I am sorry I have a funeral coming up I will not be able to do your job, we can either reschedule or you can get someone else to do it.

He used a lousy lost my phone for six weeks and so could only email you the day of the job. What happened to stopping him emailing any of the previous days of the 6 weeks?

Was it today he was meant to be doing the work? The day of the funeral? Or previously?

I think it is bullshit to try and make you feel bad and remove your review.

Xales · 01/05/2012 18:28

Oh and don't reply to his email.

rogersmellyonthetelly · 01/05/2012 18:31

No you don't need to apologise. Presumably since he was supposed to be doing work at your house he had your address so no reason why he couldn't send a letter if his phone was lost, if he is local, he could have knocked at your door, if not ex directory he could have got your phone Number and called you. Not having a mobile phone does not mean you are unable to contact anyone ever again. Funeral or not that is a piss poor excuse

QuickLookBusy · 01/05/2012 18:38

No you should not apologise.

If he had a funeral to go to that would mean he would have to delay the work, NOT cancel the whole thing.

I would actually reply with what Holy said upthread. I think it is important to put an end to this and show him he cannot get way with abusive emails.

Original poster

Spuddybean · 01/05/2012 18:44

The review has been removed anyway as apparently the rules of the website are you can only review people who actually have done the work. So not turning up doesn't count.

I was very factual and just said exactly what had happened. And yes the funeral was the day after he let me know (and only told to me after the review). Which altho sad, i don't see why he couldn't let me know when the person died rather than waiting to the due day - i mean you don't bury someone straight away, he must have known.

Also we would have waited if he'd needed a month or so extra. But just cancelling in and not telling me why, then sending me a nasty email is really upsetting.

Why put yourself on those websites if you can't handle the honest review?

OP posts:

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 01/05/2012 18:56

I wouldn't apologise or believe the funeral excuse. He may genuinely have been to one but I doubt it. I remember reading once that "I've been/am going to a funeral" is the most common lie told when trying to get out of something without getting into trouble for it. People tell it for everything, from wanting to get out of work to trying to get on a flight at the airport when they are too late for check-in.

We once hired someone to fit a new fence to our back garden. Just one side of the garden but still several hundred pounds worth of panelling.

After a series of mistakes about the number and size of panels needed, resulting in many phone calls back and forth, we finally had a date booked for them to come out and fit them. Four appointments booked and always some excuse, before finally getting a date when they were 'definitely, absolutely' coming out to fit the fence.

And on the day they never arrived. When DH rang them he was told that they had sold our panels to a regular customer and we would have to wait until they made some more.

DH was not happy, but he didn't raise his voice or swear, just asked for the manager to ring us when he got back to the office. He never did. I rang once more to try and speak to him, got the other man we had been dealing with and he said that my DH had been rude to him and that the manager couldn't ring us because they didn't have our number, we had always called them (not true). I told him to forget the fence panels and cancel our order and we got them from someone else (cheaper, quicker and with no mistakes).

About a month later we got a call from the first company saying they were on the way out with the fence panels. I said that they were a month late, reminded them we had cancelled the order the day they had sold our panels to someone else and that we had bought our fence from someone else and it had already been fitted. I also reminded him that he was calling me on a telephone number he had insisted we never gave him. "Well, what am I supposed to do with these panels?" It was like a gift "Well I could suggest one place you could stick them but perhaps you can give your regular customer a call instead and see if he needs any more."

That has nothing to do with any of this of course, but once I started telling the story it got away from me

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