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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

another fb thread!

26 replies

nightowlmostly · 01/05/2012 18:16

Hi, I'm genuinely not sure if IABU or not, I'm sure you all will let me know!

Basically, my first DC was born a few weeks ago, which is lovely. We have out some pics up on FB because my family lives abroad and we wanted to show them their new grandchild as soon as we could after the birth.

We introduced our DC to my cousin two weeks ago, and she took a couple of pictures, which is obviously fine. Then later in the day she had uploaded them onto her FB. The thing that is confusing me is, I have put a few pics up there myself, so I don't object in principle to photos being on there, but I'm a bit irritated that she didn't think to ask if it was ok before she put them up.

That's why I'm not sure if IABU, because if I put pics on there, why would I be annoyed that she did too? I can't explain it, it just pissed me off a bit, that she would assume it was ok to do that with someone else's child's photo. It doesn't really matter just now because he's just a baby, but when he gets a bit older I'll probably be a bit more concerned with protecting his privacy. I'm worried that she'll put pictures up from every family gathering we ever have, and I'll have to say something at some point.

So, hit me with it, AIBU?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 01/05/2012 18:21

It's polite to ask so YANBU

On the other hand, no-one seems to think of the kids in these instances.

Maybe (especially when they're a bit older) they won't want anyone splashing them across the web.

You didn't have to put your baby's pics on FB to let your family see them, you could have sent them via email.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/05/2012 18:23

I don't put pictures of my DD on the internet and therefore would expect that no one would without permission. You did though.

Picasa or emailing pictures is less problematic.

sensuallettuce · 01/05/2012 18:23

If her security settings are for her friends to view them only then it's only like showing friends a photo album?

She should've asked you first but I'd chill out unless you are in the witness protection programme or the DC's are naked.

DinahMoHum · 01/05/2012 18:24

it wouldnt bother me in the slightest, as long as i was tagged

OrangeCrushed · 01/05/2012 18:25

If you are not happy, SAY SOMETHING TO HER.

Honestly, we seldom pass on messages!

Original poster
nightowlmostly · 01/05/2012 18:26

Well, yes, in theory, but I did say that I don't object to the FB thing in general, and I was in hospital for a few days after the birth and FB was the easiest way to share the news quickly.

If she'd asked I would have said ok! It's the fact she never thought maybe she should check we didn't mind that annoys me.

OP posts:
SarkyWench · 01/05/2012 18:27

TBH your life will be a whole heap less stressful if you can just let it go.
My dc are school age and most of my non-luddite relatives have posted pics of them at some point.
I'd only make a fuss is you really really care and can be arsed to police your relatives fb accounts for the next 18 years.

sensuallettuce · 01/05/2012 18:29

You will prob be more bothered about what you DC posts of themselves once they hit 13/14 Grin

Original poster
nightowlmostly · 01/05/2012 18:32

I'm not going to make a fuss about this particular incident, I just worry a bit because she puts her whole life on fb so I'm sure it's just the start!

I accept IABU then, maybe I'm just being oversensitive.

OP posts:
JustFab · 01/05/2012 18:33

I don't think you are being unreasonable. This is your baby and I understand that you feel that no one else has the right to act like the child is theirs.

Original poster
nightowlmostly · 01/05/2012 18:34

orangecrushed thanks for pointing that out, but the whole purpose of this thread was to see whether I am being unreasonable to be 'not happy' before I say anything!

OP posts:
Kayano · 01/05/2012 18:37

I think if
You post pics YABU

If you don't yanbu

Therefore YABU

SarkyWench · 01/05/2012 18:47

I wasn't saying you were being unreasonable.
It would piss me off too.

I'm just saying that IME it is hard to stop this as many people see it as obviously acceptable. And I like an easy life so have reconciled to it being part of modern life :)

GateGipsy · 01/05/2012 18:49

YANBU

you don't know what settings she is using (is it public? Friends of Friends?) and you don't know her friends (is she strict about who she friends? does she take anyone who asks?).

AliveSheCried · 01/05/2012 18:51

I am honoured when people take the effort to upload pictures of my wee boy. I think you are being hormonal to be honest.

My mum and DH emailed bloody gory immediately-post-labour pics to my sisters and my PILs hours after the birth - WITHOUT TELLING ME - I was angry about that for weeks, then I realised it was stressing me to much so let it go.

Original poster
nightowlmostly · 01/05/2012 19:00

I think for the sake of an easy life you're right sarkywench, I'll just have to accept it, it's only going to get more prevalent as the years go by!

OP posts:
RightBuggerforit · 01/05/2012 20:32

I think YABU. Why would she think you'd have a problem with pics going on FB when you've put some there yourself?

Also, why are you worried about her posting pics of 'your' family gatherings? Surely they are her family gatherings as much as they are yours? Why are you entitled to post pics and she's not?

Inadeeptrance · 01/05/2012 20:38

It sounds like your friend was just chuffed to have met your baby and thought you would be pleased!

I bet she just didn't think to ask!

ScarlettAlexandra · 01/05/2012 20:47

YANBU a similar thing happened to me. my cousin posted pics of my dc hours after his birth and didn't think to ask me.

i really wanted to do this myself ad it was MY child. my mom mentioned it and they where removed but it did kinda steal my thunder.

Original poster
nightowlmostly · 01/05/2012 21:34

rightbuggerforit The reason I mentioned family gatherings is that she will inevitably put pictures up that include my DC, when I would never even consider putting pictures of her DCs on the internet. There is no way I would do that, I would assume it wasn't ok rather than the other way around.

And to those who say I do it so why can't she, the point to me at least, is that he is my child, and I should be the one to decide what to put up, nobody else.

I have accepted that I may be being U, and am not going to make a big deal of it, but if it happens all the time I might say something at a later date.

OP posts:
bobbledunk · 01/05/2012 22:40

It depends on whether the pictures are ones you would put up yourself, most people have enough sense and intelligence to only put up nice ones, and a couple of them are fine, other people are idiots who put up hideous ones of crying children/babies, badly shot and dozens of photos taken one after another which all look the same.

If your sister is in the first category, suck it up, if shes in the second, don't let her near your kid with a camera lens again.

sashh · 02/05/2012 02:56

Your cousin is just wanting to show off your baby to HER friends.

I can understand you being upset, maybe just ask her about her privacy settings.

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 02/05/2012 03:31

Remember that even if your privacy settings are high, your friends can share your photos on their walls and then you lose control of them. Obviously, you have to keep it in perspective because in RL (i.e. not DM paedo armageddon) 99.9999 (recurring)% of people have zero interest in pictures of a random person's newborn/ toddler, but it's worth bearing in mind that this can happen.

OP i was sort of the same as you when DS was first born, but I've now basically accepted that family members/friends will post photos of DS, and I cant really worry about it so long as not naked pics which I am a bit paranoid about (one person posted one of DS and her DD in paddling pool and I asked her to delete it, which she was fine about)

sausagesandmarmelade · 02/05/2012 09:01

YANBU

The day before we got married we met up for a drink with a facebooking friend of a friend. She was snapping away then and mentioned putting the pics on facebook. We asked her NOT to....and she agreed.

So imagine how pissed off we were to find out after the wedding that she'd been updating her status live and direct from our wedding reception, bragging about where she was, uploading pics etc.....and then when she went back home uploaded all of her pics with us, our friends and family members to her site.

Very annoying, very disrespectful too.

I'm on facebook myself and am very careful not to put up pictures of anyone (adult or child) without prior agreement.

Paiviaso · 02/05/2012 09:43

YABU, I would never think to ask someone's permission before putting their picture on Facebook. But I've had Facebook for a long time, and so have my friends, and this is normal fare.

There are loads of baby pictures posted on my Facebook, and most of them are not the children of the poster, they are proud aunts/uncles (my friends are all in their 20s and most have not had children). I'm sure your cousin just wants to show off her cute new family member.

If you want, you can ask her to take them down. She will probably think you are nuts though.