Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be furious with teacher for keeping son in at lunch time

122 replies

23balloons · 01/05/2012 17:28

Hi I have posted in SEN education but haven't had a reply.

I am feeling furious right now & plan to approach his teacher tomorrow. Briefly, I have always suspected he was dyslexic, cannot read fluently, very slow, very messy writing bad spelling etc. I recently paid for a diagnostic assessment and the assessor verbally confirmed dyslexia, said he had slow processing and trouble with long term recall, he had a vision test last year and this showed his tracking and processing problems. I have told the school and written a letter and asked for a meeting before his SATS (in a couple of weeks, he is in y6).

At parents' evening recently his teacher was implying he was lazy and would struggle to keep up at secondary school which was one of the reasons I finally went ahead with the diagnosis. She said she had been keeping him in at lunch to catch up on his work. Afterwards I felt I should have protested at this but I didn't at the time. Since I told her he was dyslexic and I would have a report soon I assumed she would realise why he wasn't keeping up. Today he has told me he has been kept in at lunch this week and will have to spend tomorrow lunch break doing work in the Heads office. I am toatlly furious as he is a very energetic boy who loves sport and I feel he needs to run around at lunch time to burn off energy.

Sould I go in all guns blazing tomorrow or wait for the report and complain?

OP posts:
Original poster
23balloons · 01/05/2012 17:54

WorraLiberty, he says his hand hurts when he writes, the assessor said he was holding the pencil badly and hadn't been taught to hold it properly when he started writing. His writing is really messy and sometimes hard to read but he says he writes that was as it is the only way he can keep up with the others & obviously he isn't keeping up.

I have been told he is definitely dyslexic but obviously until I have the written evidence I cannot meet with the teacher to discuss his needs. The assessor mentioned he should probably be using a computer instead of writing.

OP posts:
UnChartered · 01/05/2012 17:56

OP, you can help him by encouraging him to hold his pencil differently whilst doing his homework - how does he get on with that at home?

Chopstheduck · 01/05/2012 18:00

It might be worth asking for your child to be reviewed by an occupational therapist who can help on the writing front. At one point I didn't think my ds would ever be able to write with a pen, but with a slope, special grips, and plenty of therapy his writing is now pretty good.

Is he hypermobile? I didnt think dyslexia was supposd to cause pain. I'm also wondering why you paid for a private assessment. Has he been reviewed by the educational psychologist?

WorraLiberty · 01/05/2012 18:03

Why didn't you teach him to hold it properly?

I've always left my younger two kids well alone regarding their pen grips because my eldest was forced and nagged to hold it a certain way by the school.

As a result of that and the way they used to insist on certain letter formations, he's got really crap handwriting now.

The other two were left alone and despite one being right handed and the other left, they've both got beautiful writing.

Chopstheduck · 01/05/2012 18:03

these are what my son uses, but you really need an OT to find out what works best for him, as there are lots of differe t grips and types of support.

Original poster
23balloons · 01/05/2012 18:06

I don't know what hypermobile is but will look it up.

I paid for the assessment because the school will not do them. When I told his teacher I was going to get him assessed, she shrugged and said "we don't do that here". When I gave her some coloured overlays earlier in the year as they helped him to read, she didn't know what they were.

I paid for the assessment because I don't want him going into secondary school completely undiagnosed. I work in HE and everyday 18+ year olds are finding out they are dyslexic and have struggled their whole life not knowing why they couldn't read/write/keep up with their peers.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 01/05/2012 18:17

But equally, there are lazy kids who struggle to read and write because no-one made them catch up when they were younger.

You can't really expect the school to know the difference without a formal diagnosis.

That's why I wouldn't go in all guns blazing...you need to find out exactly what your DS is like in class.

Chandon · 01/05/2012 18:20

never go in all guns blazing. Think constructively, and have a chat with the teacher.

My son is dyslexic. he is also lazy. Not saying your son is, but it is (sadly) not mutually exclusive.

So we have to work on the dyslexia AND the attitude....

Sirzy · 01/05/2012 18:26

Why do the school think he hasn't got dyslexia? Was it an ed psych who did the diagnosis?

tethersend · 01/05/2012 18:31

Talk of dyslexia is academic IMO.

Keeping a child -any child- in at lunchtime as more than a one-off is poor practice on the part of the teacher; it is also clearly not having the desired effect, so it is also completely ineffectual.

Ask the teacher what result she wants from keeping him in.

tethersend · 01/05/2012 18:32

I say that as a teacher who works with children with ESBD.

ApocalypseThen · 01/05/2012 18:42

Just bear in mind that it's more hassle for the teacher to keep him in than let him out so she's trying to do right by him. Go in with that perspective - that everyone is doing the best they can - and you'll both be less defensive and have a better meeting.

Poor little chap, though. My brother is late diagnosed dyslexic and had a tough time in school. Mind you, he was also a pain in the neck due to boredom and frustration (he is also gifted - all came out when the mother did as you've done and took him for a private assessment) so not easy for teachers, either.

gafhyb · 01/05/2012 20:28

"I spoke to the head about the diagnosis and the first words she said were "it's too late now, he has his SATS in a month""

Hmm - too late for what? Too late for them? sat SATS put so much pressure on schools, which, if not handled, trickles down to the child.

In my case, the looming of SATs got the school to take my DSs writing issues seriously. Which was bittersweet because I'd been bringign it up for a couple of years. They have proved to be a good impetus to him to put the extra effort in, so not all bad......

gafhyb · 01/05/2012 20:31

IME, altering a poor pencil grip is hard at this stage.

FeakAndWeeble · 01/05/2012 20:35

If he's made it to y6 without one of his teacher's suspecting dyslexia and organising a test themselves then he's had a lot of shit teachers. And if I were you I would be going in guns blazing tomorrow. Being singled out and made to feel stupid and naughty for finding work more difficult than your contemporaries is absolutely vile and I would be seriously, seriously narked.

soozlewoozle · 01/05/2012 20:37

I think you need to bear in mind that teachers have better things to do than keep kids in at lunchtime. They will only do this if they really have to, so there will be a good reason for it! Do not assume that the teacher is just picking on your child..

Eglu · 01/05/2012 20:41

I think that dyslexia aside. Just ignore that fact for now. How many parents would be happy about their child having to miss lunchbreak all of the time to catch up with work.

I would be furious, and I would be wondering why the school weren't halping my child complete the work in the appropriate time.

LynetteScavo · 01/05/2012 20:56

23balloons, I feel your pain. My DS is was regularly kept in at lunch time to finish work, even though I'm pretty sure he had been putting in a huge amount of effort to complete what he had.

I did gently complain, and it stopped. The teachers attitude seems to be "well if you don't want him to achieve....."

Yes, I do, but he's an active boy and keeping him in at lunch time won't help his productivity in the afternoon.

TBH, I wouldn't bother with hoping this school will help your son, but focus on how his secondary school can help him.

I would point out to the head, though that his SATs might have been higher if he'd had the appropriate help earlier.

ApocalypseThen · 01/05/2012 20:59

I would be wondering why the school weren't halping my child complete the work in the appropriate time.

Other children?

tethersend · 01/05/2012 21:05

If a child needs to stay in at lunchtime on a regular basis to complete their work, then their work is not being properly differentiated.

Original poster
23balloons · 01/05/2012 21:17

Thanks everyone for your advice and suggestions. I have also been posting a bit on the SEN education thread.

I think it can be quite hard to explain just how much the dyslexia has affected my son, it has totally knocked his confidence. Unless your child has similar issues you may just think keep him in & make him catch up, it's for his own good.

I have chatted with him a bit more about what is happenning in class, he said the teacher is spending the majority of her time with 3 children in the bottom group and he isn't getting any help because he is in the middle group. He often doesn't understand the questions and puts his hand up but the teacher isn't responding so in the meantime he isn't doing any work.

I do think it is unfair to keep him in for successive lunch breaks when all of his friends are out playing. When they come back refreshed and excited over the football game they have just played he is told he is still behind and will have to stay in again the next day. IMO this is cruel and not likely to produce a happy productive child. It is even worse when he has an actual special need.

My ds has struggled with reading since he was 6, his teacher called me in last year and told me she just couldn't work out why his test marks didn't reflect his ability. She even showed me the paper and his mistakes to explain why she couldn't give him anymore marks, one example was he wrote 'the children is'. He is in year 6, in his writing book most of his spellings are wrong, he is not using correct capitalisation or punctuation and his current teacher at parents' evening said yes some of his work is level 3. They don't diagnose for dyslexia as they obviously don't believe it exists in his school. I have spoken to several parents whose children were immediately diagnosed in secondary school, some were severely dyslexic.

I won't be posting any more on this AIBU thread as I have decided not to go in tomorrow but if I get the report before lunch time I will be emailing it directly to the Head.

23

OP posts:
gafhyb · 01/05/2012 21:22

23 - I totally understand what you say about confidence.

Crap that the school does not recognise learning difficulties

I really hope Secondary School is a better experience for him

Chandon · 02/05/2012 10:51

My son is dyslexic.

He was never diagnosed by the school.

The reason for this, I found out later,was that these tests cost the school 400 or 500 pound which they'd rather not spend. Also, our school did not want too many statemented children, even 100% autistic children struggled to get statements...this may be the case in more schools. The school systematically sabotaged and slowed down any statementing process Hmm.

Schools have budgets. They can't spend unlimited money

looktoshinford · 02/05/2012 14:20

Do go in all guns blazing OP!

The school staff are ruining a promising football career by giving up their lunchtimes to get your DS through his SATS.

What bastards, eh? Wink

seeker · 02/05/2012 16:52

Why have you decided not to go in? I think you really news to get this sorted out- if your son really is spending all his lunchtimes working that really shouldn't be happening. And if they really are demoralising him by telling him he's behind all the time they need to stop. And I'd the head is crap it's no point emailing him the report - you news to goblin and discuss it with him.