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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About shouting at Pre School?

30 replies

mimisays · 01/05/2012 15:56

I genuinely can't decide if I'm being a bit PFB about this, or if I'm right in feeling uneasy.

My DD started pre school in January, and although there are a few things which I'm not totally happy with, I'm generally fine with them. It is attached to the local school, but it's private and we pay for her to go there.

However today, I got there a little earlier than usual to pick her up, as I'd been at a meeting and I wouldn't have had time to go home and come back out. I sat in the reception area, and I was upset to hear a child (not DD) being shouted at. I don't mean a stern voice, it was very loud shouting. 'NO! Sit up straight NOW! Sit up straight, I will NOT tell you again!!' It made me flinch, to be honest, and another Mum said to me that it seemed quite unnecessary. The children are all between 2 & 4, so it did seem rather harsh.

In fairness, this is the first time I have heard anything like this. But I am usually there right on the dot for them coming out. DD has said a few times that the staff are 'grumpy' but I don't pay much attention to that, as she's 3 and she calls me grumpy when I won't let her have cake for breakfast!

I am prepared to give this the benefit of the doubt, but I would be very unhappy if this kind of shouting was a regular thing. How would you feel about this? Am I being silly or should I maybe have a word about it?

Thanks!

OP posts:

MissFaversham · 01/05/2012 15:59

YANBU, I wouldn't like to hear this type of thing either OP.

ViviPru · 01/05/2012 15:59

YANBU to feel unhappy about this. But I think if you were going to have a word, it should have been at the time and the moment is gone now. Perhaps get there a little earlier a few more times to put your mind at rest.

Dawndonna · 01/05/2012 15:59

I feel that if people are shouting they have lost control. I wouldn't want somebody who regularly lost control to be in charge of my children. I think you need to find out whether this is regular or not.

alphabite · 01/05/2012 16:00

I would have a word to be honest. I think shouting should only be used very rarely and only in certain cirumstances. If this was a 2 year old I would be concerned.

DidntGetTheMemo · 01/05/2012 16:00

Totally inappropriate. Complain.

alphabite · 01/05/2012 16:00

Maybe try and pick up early again sometime very soon and see if you hear anything similar?

Original poster

mimisays · 01/05/2012 16:04

Thankyou everybody. Yes I maybe should have said something at the time, but the pre-school manager left before I could grab her. They always seem a bit funny when I stop one of them to ask how DD has been, you know, just 'Has everything been ok today?'...they tend to look at me as though I have 2 heads.

I will speak to a couple of the other Mums and see if they have heard anything similar. Obviously in extreme circumstances, like if one of the children was doing something dangerous - then I'd understand. But over 'sitting up straight'..

OP posts:

imnotmymum · 01/05/2012 16:04

YANBU. I witnessed my DS being shouted at whilst sat crossed legged on floor with adult standing over them. I complained as felt it was totally out of order for an adult who should be caring for your child to abuse their position likewise in your position and so young sounds totally out of order. You will have to "drop" in earlier to see if one off and if it same member of staff or talk to management tomorrow.

gymmummy64 · 01/05/2012 16:14

It's ridiculous that they look at you strangely when you ask how the day has been. Every child care setting I've ever used including 3 nurseries has always given me chapter and verse on how dcs have been - sometimes on asking, sometimes proactively. I would be very very unhappy with that. You have left your child in their care ffs!

And the shouting is wrong too

Original poster

mimisays · 01/05/2012 16:18

Thanks, I will be turning up earlier to see if it happens again.

Yes gymmummy that's what I mean. Of course I want to know what my DD has been up to, if there have been any problems - I would have thought that was normal. A lot of the other parents just grab the children and leave. DD is supposed to have a report book as well, but I've been waiting for her to have one since January, I keep being told it's on it's way...nothing so far. To be honest, I'm not particularly happy with it in general, but it's the only local one in this bubble of a town.

OP posts:

thirdhill · 01/05/2012 16:18

At that age the adult-child ratio is such that they must be able to gain attention and steer children with no shouting. The pressure of fitting in is a lot more for a FB, but this would not be acceptable to me. That adult is in the wrong job. It is also worrying that they shouted in front of every other adult there, and it was deemed acceptable, rather than pointless and simply unacceptable. Before they were appointed they would have been assessed for suitable behaviour, so this does not bode well for management there either. Are you sure you want your child to spend any more time there? I think complaining only exposes your child to more risk.

tantrumsandballoons · 01/05/2012 16:18

I'd be concerned over an adult shouting at a 3 year old, especially over something like sitting up straight. I doubt many 3 year olds sit up straight and quietly for a period of time, mine didn't anyway.
Also I used to love hearing what my DCs had been up to at nursery, I was also told what they did etc by the nursery staff.

I agree try and go a bit earlier tomorrow and if you hear the same thing, have a word.

EdithWeston · 01/05/2012 16:21

I think teachers should shout only if there is imminent danger, so much background noise it's the only way to be heard, or if their voice needs to carry a long way (across a playground, perhaps).

I would be uneasy about this. Can you speak to the manager?

Original poster

mimisays · 01/05/2012 16:22

thirdhill it was the pre-school manager doing the shouting I'm not completely happy with it to be honest, but I work and at the moment we don't have any other childcare options. DD is happy there, she has never complained about going in, but I will have to rethink things if this is a regular thing.

OP posts:

piji · 01/05/2012 16:26

Big red flag for me.

gafhyb · 01/05/2012 16:26

This is making you uneasy, and I'm with you. I agree with Edith. And IME those who shout other than in extreme circs. are inexperienced or burned-out.

Original poster

mimisays · 01/05/2012 16:37

It is worrying me, and we live in a very small town - which is quite rough to be honest and there are lots of things I consider to be 'questionable' but until we can afford to move, we have very little choice! This woman runs the breakfast clubs and after school clubs too, so I do feel like everyone is fine with how she runs things. But the shouting, the lack of feedback and several other things make me unhappy.

OP posts:

DollysDrawers · 01/05/2012 16:40

Big red flag to me too I'm afraid. It's one thing to hear someone raising their voice over a gaggle of noisy toddlers in order to be heard. Quite another to be shouting directly at a child, especially for something so trivial. It doesn't matter who she is or what her responsibilities are, she should be challenged on this.

KitCat26 · 01/05/2012 17:12

YANBU. Speak to them.
I occasionally raise my voice with the DCs but only if there is an immediate danger to them.

Original poster

mimisays · 01/05/2012 17:28

Thanks again everyone.

I will definitely mention it next time I'm there. Yes KitCat I'm the same, if DD is heading towards the road or something then I might raise my voice, but those are extreme circumstances. I rarely shout at my DD - only in exceptional situations, I don't like it, but even if I did I'd not think it the place of playgroup staff.

OP posts:

OddBoots · 01/05/2012 17:33

I'm not excusing shouting but I do have to ask 3 year olds to sit up straight but it is more about stopping them flopping across another child than getting them to have good posture.

thebody · 01/05/2012 17:39

Good gracious, I am a cm and I have only made my voice stern if it's a safety issue, I.e seeing a child go to hit or bite another one.

I never shout and am always calm and gentle. Only my own dds have made me want to yell!!!

My parents get daily diaries and photos of events.

As cms we have to do this. Your nursery must confir
To EYFS standards.??? It sounds quite frankly crap.

Debsbear · 01/05/2012 17:40

Having worked in a pre-school I think that this is totally unacceptable and would have to say something. I'd also turn up early tomorrow and see if I can hear anything (in fact I would probably be outside with a periscope and glass against the wall! for the entire session). Have they had an Ofsted inspection? Have you read it?

Goldenbear · 01/05/2012 19:08

I would remove her from the preschool. You say your 3 year old is happy- does a 3 year old have an understanding of what is expected in that setting? She may not show distress at going to preschool but she has already told you that they are grumpy. My DS never mentioned anyone being grumpy at his nursery despite someone being dismissed for demonstrating the angry behaviour that you have just described. Syne your daughter is telling you quite a lot about the situation?

Goldenbear · 01/05/2012 19:09

Not 'syne', should be 'do you think'.

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