To change my surname?

[Sookeh]

I have the surname of a man I was abused by for a long time (step-father) I'm also engaged but due to lack of money and a rough patch I doubt me and my partner will be getting married for quite some time.
I have bad depression but am making positive changes in my life and I think getting rid of this surname is a positive step.
WIBU to change my surname to something I choose until my DP and I get married? Or is it a stupid idea?

It's a bit of a pain the arse to change your name these days, so doing it twice would be a double pita! Would you take your dp's name now?

you can
you could even use your DP's name now, if you want to.
you don't have to be married, and you don't need deedpoll (if you're UK)
by law, you may use any name you choose, as long as it's habitual (and not intended to defraud ). some places want "proof" but all that means is a papertrail, so get the name put on any utility bills etc, and off you go.

:)

Was going to suggest what Old lady just said. You could change it by deedpoll to DP's surname now.

ps - the Passport office will accept a signed statement that you have changed your name.

here

You can change your name to anything you like then start going by it, in English Law. This is all that changing your name when married is, it's just more of a set convention, that's all. My friend changed her surname because she hated her dad and she just started using it on everything and that was that.

I would take his name, but I think it would give us even less incentive to get married. He doesn't really want a wedding as it is!

I just feel that my surname isn't really "me" we haven't seen this man in years and years and I have zero connection with his family, I also have never met my biological father.

it's totally up to you what name you choose.

remind him that "name" doesn't protect your assets or inheritance

I really had zero idea that you could change your name so easily!

Maybe I should change it to to Rocknroll a la Kate Winslets boyfriend

Change it! Whatever it costs, however much a pita it is just do it. you will feel liberated when you do and it will help you to move forward and leave that horrible chapter of your life behind. pick a name that either means something to you (your mothers, your natural fathers, grandparents, favourite aunt) or anything but your boyfriends. you need to have your own name and even if you get married in 6 months or 6 years then you can decide whether to have the same name as your partner or not. good luck and i hope you can move on.

Thanks mummymeister! That's precisely what I want, to be liberated and free of it.

DD thinks I should change it to Tumble

Go for it, change your name to whatever makes you feel good
And you don't need to change it when married
I know 2 women who have done this in the past, it gave them a great feeling of freedom.
It will be a bit of a pita as you'll need to pay for driving license, passport etc etc to be changed
Check if any authorities would prefer deed poll

I would change it, hassle or not. The fact that it's taking up head space means that it is an issue. You have the power to leave it behind, there's no reason not to do so.

Don't drive and am currently without a passport. I'm a Canadian citizen so will need to see how that affects everything.

Go for it!

I changed my name when I left ex h as I knew he would resist divorce (as he has) and I wanted to be a new me so I took a family name and deed polled it.

It was easy in my experience and it was simple a case of sending the forms off to all the necessary departments ... Any wedding forum has the list of who to notify which makes it easier

What about taking your Mum's maiden name? I know someone who did this for exactly the same reasons that you describe.

Also, unless you are really sure that you want DP's name instead of something that is yours then choose something else.

Personally I wouldn't take a DP's name, but then I kept mine when I got married. It helps me to remain me.

My mums maiden name is very odd and I'd forever be spelling it out to people.

I'm glad I'm not alone in doing this, makes me feel a little less silly.

Just go and get married, you don't need a big do. Just get booked in at the registry office. Its £35 to put up the notice of marriage and then £45 to get married. Its £4 or something for the certificate.

You can call yourself anything you like so long as the alias is not for the purpose of crime.
Choose a name and start using it informally.
Your bank details will not tally at first but that's not a problem.
Once people are used to calling you by the name you like (and you can keep it after getting married - I have two surnames ; bank accounts in each)
then you do the legal bits.
Canada will not care what you call yourself until you ask them to change the name on your passport - and a raft of UK documents will make it easier.

Sookeh

You're embassy will be able to answer questions. You may (I have no idea) need to get a passport in your current name, then get that changed to show your new name.

I would Clare, I want to but DP doesn't want to get married until we can afford to do it "properly"

I'd actually prefer a tiny cheap wedding.

Go for it, I am just trotting off with my deed poll in my hand to get it witnessed and then I'm away!

I changed mine to my DH's name (I'm actually a fraud as we are not married, though only due to lack of funds!) as I was the only one from my family with by bastard dear fathers surname left (I should add here hes just a bastard, nothing like your stepfather) As my passport expired and my driving license needs a new photo at the same time it made sense to change my name by deed poll and do it all in one. Not sure about the driving licence but a change to the name on your passport costs the same as a new passport and I am too tight for that :o

Its really easy, you can do it on-line and the documents are with you within a couple of days. I think mine was £30.