To get frustated with DP's obsessive tendancies about trivial non issues?

[FreezingFeet]

So I'm due to go to DPs house at the weekend. He mentioned last week that he'd like us to get some massage oils in so he can give me a massage. Ok. But BOOM!! that's it ... we now MUST get the massage oils in. Constant references to it "did you get some massage oils? oh no" disaster! I'll have an emergency shop for some! where can I get some? we're running out of time to get any delivered! what are we going to do???" err how about chill the fuck out? I am highly stressed and just want to collapse on the sofa with a bottle of wine and a takeaway. Yet he manages to make the massage thing a huge chore and headache. He does this with everything.
I suggested I might cook us a satay last weekend. Didn't expect to hear anything about it again but BOOM!! it has become an obssession "did you get the ingredients for that satay? have you looked at this website? have you thought about putting this in the satay? have you thought about how to start the satay off? what time will we be eating the satay? shall I bring something? what goes with satay? Should I help? look what I've found about Satay on the internet .... Seriously, fuck off with the satay. You've ruined it for me now, I'm bored of it before I've even started it!!

He honestly does it with everything. He turns the most tranquil things into a huge headache. Anyone else's OH like this or is he as weird as I think??

You can get Durex massage and play lube oil from the supermarket

Ok, so how did he get the idea that the massage was a good idea?

And if it were about something you liked, would his approach be ok, or does it annoy you even if it's about something you'd love to do?

It doesn't sound like a fun relationship TBH.

My FIL is like this, ruins everything! He is lovely and generous but the schedule must be adhered to especially on holiday. Drives me insane! I would end it because he's nt going to change this.

We still joke about the "prawn ring" (this will out me.) She had decided she was going to provide a prawn ring for us to eat one Christmas. You know the sort you buy frozen and defrost it and eat it? Sounds simple enough doesn't it, but the amount of discussion and angst this effing prawn ring caused. I wish I had just said to her from the start "Take your prawn ring and stick it up your arse!"

Doesn't sound like your enjoying this relationship. It's only a year old, you're not living together, just finish it.

Yes I agree with kikithecat. I can't divorce my mum, but you can escape the madness.

It's also a form of attention-seeking, because you have to do all the things too. I don't mind my husband getting obsessed about his own hobby and me attending once a year But I would mind being constantly pestered about activities that are not of interest to me. It's a way of making you focus on him and his needs (and it sounds like you can't communicate yours). My husband has a touch of this, and it drives me crazy, if it was any more full on, it would really be a deal-breaker for me.

Absolutely.

And couples massages are ludicrous, contrived things - something to be endured as opposed to enjoyed.

If I want a massage, I'll pay a professional thanks.

We have a friend like this - he's an absolutely lovely guy, albeit rather eccentric - but his obsessing with minutiae is a standing joke amongst us. Although I think it drives his DW demented sometimes.

A couple of years ago a largish group of us were going somewhere. He'd already found a minibus company to do the round trip at a very good cost. Someone else had also already checked out prices for two people carriers, as a back up. He then phoned me to ask if I'd check out a minibus company I'd used in the past. I told him I wasn't prepared to waste my time when he'd already got a perfectly good price from his minibus company. Frankly, if I had to live with that I'd go mad.

Maybe you're not in the right place for a relationship at the moment?

Not to say he does not sound irritating but perhaps you just don't have room in your life for another persons wants needs etc at the moment.

dh can get a bit like this over plans...constantly going over the options!

if this happens we can do such and such
or that, then the other
shall we go here and then there, or there first?

often all these questions end with an expectant look to me....for what i don't know.

Anyhoo, after 20+ years I have more or less beaten it out of him told him repeatedly how annoying it is and I have a look that reins all the "if" questions in so now I rarely have to tell him he is sucking all the joy out of every thought doing it again.

It really doesn't sound as if you are getting much out of this relationship, and everything you've posted makes it sound irritating and depressing. I would seriously reconsider staying in the relationship.

I agree. You posted about him before. He sounds controlling. Write off the year and ditch him.

I agree that it sounds exhausting. Can you not just stay at home for the weekend?

You post about this ALL the time.

Why?

Why are you still with him? You start thread after thread

Posters give you advice and then you slope off.

And then you come back with the SAME THREAD.

Agree with Murder - what exactly do you get out of this relationship?