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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

if your child invites someone back after school, you don't let them, their guest and their little brother descend on one of your neighbours to play?

24 replies

OrmIrian · 30/04/2012 16:10

So after getting the house reasonably clean and tidy I have a playroom full of children only one of which belongs to me

I have had a word with DS asking him to make sure they don't make a mess but I don't think it's working

The two brothers come round all the time and that's OK within reason at weekends or during the holidays but surely if you have a playdate you entertain them IN YOUR OWN HOME don't you?

OP posts:
Marymaryalittlecontrary · 30/04/2012 16:14

Yes, but you're also at fault for letting them in. If you didn't want kids over to play why did you say yes when they asked to come in? And if they came in without asking then all the more reason to tell them they can't play at yours today!

2shoes · 30/04/2012 16:14

just say no, and don't let them in

CoffeeDog · 30/04/2012 16:17

My dd 'invites' the boy next door in often hes a year younger despite me reminding her not to they often see each other on the way home we get to our house first and she just turns and say do you want to play? - his mum ALWAYS says yes, and we have him till about 630 and feed him as well. Anoying thing is DD is older than him and loses interest in him after 1/2 hr the twins are younger so he is often to be found playing on his own - but never wants to go home ;)

My DD has been to his house once in 3 years..... which is why neighbours house/garden looks like a show home and mine has lived in charm ;)

Original poster
OrmIrian · 30/04/2012 16:19

To be fair I didn't get a chance to 'invite' them in. They just appeared whilst I was in the loo. Much more difficult to say 'no, bugger off!' when they were already here.

But that isn't the point? They shouldn't have been here in the first place? It looks very much as if the plan was to let them trash my place instead of their own.

OP posts:
Monty27 · 30/04/2012 16:21

Maybe the mother doesn't know they invited themselves in. I'd get rid, politely, if I didn't want them in.

Original poster
OrmIrian · 30/04/2012 16:25

Could be, could be. Granny lives with them and she might have let them go.

OP posts:
diddl · 30/04/2012 16:25

Maybe the mother thought that you would be asked & given the chance to decline!

I don´t see why having a friend to play means that you can´t go elsewhere if you both want to.

Original poster
OrmIrian · 30/04/2012 16:30

Well I've told them if they want to say they have to go out in the garden or sit and watch a film. They decided to go home but I overheard 'But nanny doesn't want us playing at home'. Ho hum....

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 30/04/2012 16:30

It doesn't mean you can't go elsewhere, but it's basic manners to ask first!

Original poster
OrmIrian · 30/04/2012 16:32

They are now standing outside the house arguing about where to go.

OP posts:
UnChartered · 30/04/2012 16:33

'Nanny' has to put up with it, i'm afraid

send the kids home - no brainer

ll31 · 30/04/2012 16:34

but if your ds wants them there whats the problem tbh?

Original poster
OrmIrian · 30/04/2012 16:34

I don't want them here!

OP posts:
diddl · 30/04/2012 16:43

"It doesn't mean you can't go elsewhere, but it's basic manners to ask first!"

Yes, but that´s not the fault of the visiting children is it-if OP´s son said yes without asking OP first?

"I don't want them here!"

Why not?

pictish · 30/04/2012 16:45

I sympathise OP, I have to be in the mood for little visitors too.

thisisyesterday · 30/04/2012 16:45

the mum probably thinks you're fine with it.

send them home.

thisisyesterday · 30/04/2012 16:46

sorry, just seen you have!

now lock the doors and have a nice cuppa

Original poster
OrmIrian · 30/04/2012 17:04

diddl - I am working. I spent my lunch break cleaning and tidying and I'd like to last more than 10 mins. And having had 3 DC eldest of whom is 15 I have had my fill of OPCs (other people's children) in my house. Compromise position is that they can come round any time at the weekend or in the hols - but not generally evenings after school.

As pictish says, you have to be in the right mood for it - and I am not atm!

OP posts:
diddl · 30/04/2012 17:11

Well you have to tell your son to check with you in future-or get rid straight away if it´s not convenient!

girlpancake · 30/04/2012 17:13

YANBU. I don't think being welcoming to visiting kids necessarily means having an open door policy. I like having other kids over but I also like having some time with the kids on my own. The afternoons fill up fast with lessons, clubs etc. It's nice to just have a chance to play with them myself.

letseatgrandma · 30/04/2012 17:16

I'd have turfed them out as soon as I came out of the loo! If you don't ever say anything-people will think you don't mind.

Adversecamber · 30/04/2012 19:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Guinnessisgoodforyou · 30/04/2012 21:25

YANBU, you have to be in the mood for other peoples children. It would get right on my nerves. You have my sympathies too x

Original poster
OrmIrian · 01/05/2012 10:31

Thanks for your response (and in some cases, sympathy!)

As I said earlier I have done this for years when we live in a terraced street, played open house to children who live in the street but there was always an unwritten rule that if you actually invited someone from school back to play they played in your house and other kids came to you. But we have a bigger garden and DS2 has inherited all his older sibling toys so I guess it's more appealing Wink

Anyway I guess I am out of the habit. I find it really wearing these days. Must be getting old and too used to teenagers who disappear up to their room with their mates or go out.

OP posts:
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