To not want DH's entire family to gatecrash our holiday?

[BenedictsCumberbitch]

My SIL is a travel agent and I asked her to price up a 3 night break to euro Disney for me DH, DD and DS, i asked for the cheapest deal as there are no constraints re time of year or anything like that. Anyway SIL came back to me with a couple of deals and said 'oh but me and DP and DN were thinking we could come with you and we could use my discount' MIL overheard and said 'ooh we really enjoyed eurodisney last time we were there with SIL and family so we'd definitely come if you booked' other SIL also made noises indicating that if this was to be a family trip they two would like to come with their DS's. We've been away with DH's family before they are nice people, we get on well but they have a habit of making things all about them. We want to do Disney as my DS loves mickey mouse and I want to give him that experience whilst he's young enough to be enthralled by it, I want to do things on our schedule and see and do the things we want to do.

Oldest nephew has autism and as such requires to a certain extent things to revolve around him and his needs and likes and dislikes. I love my nephew but this is our holiday and I don't want to have to take him into account which I know makes me a shitty person. MIL and FIL are lovely people and if they wanted to come on their own to spend a bit of time with our DCs then I guess that would be ok, both my two DCs and other two DN's get sidelined a bit due to other DN (you keeping up?) special needs which we accept and understand and work around, if the whole family were to come it would be another situation where we'd have to defer to the complex requirements of DN and my two would miss out on potential grandparents time.

Lastly other SIL and BIL and their family are lvely and we get on well, DN1 and DD are v close in age and close cousins, we have an issue where DD thinks everything DH,DS and I do is terminally uncool and if dn1 and family were there DD would want to be with them all the time and do what they do, meaning we're tied to another persons schedule. We've holidayed with them before so I'm not adverse to it per se but on this occasion it's not what I want.

DH says IABU and a big family holiday would be smashing. I'd rather not go if it's going to be gatecrashed against my will. AIBU?

Could you arrange to go at a time that doesn't suit the others? Make sure all your other weekends are booked up so you can't be flexible about time.

Enjoy I've gotten in trouble before for booking holidays not through SIL, and to be fair to her she can normally get very good deals and knocks the agents fees off etc for us so I always ask now if she can get us a good deal, if not then I book elsewhere but having booked elsewhere and not asked her previously she can get a bit humphy with us.

DH is well aware of my reasons for not wanting a family Disney trip, he just doesn't feel the same way! Another thing is we were going tondo the whole 'surprise we're going to disney' thing for the kids which we wouldn't be able to do if everyone else was coming. Which I know isn't a massive deal but it'd be nice if we could have done it for the kids as DD loves those adverts and often sighs wistfully about 'I wish someone would do that for me'. Yes, she is a drama llama.

You are not being even remotely unreasonable! You are not obliged to take your entire family with you! This time say that you want a family holiday just the 4(?) of you and in future never ever ask your sister in law to book your holiday for you again!

I have to say that a 3 day break would be preferable to a whole fortnight with extended family! I do think that for so many people to traipse around the disney park all day all together would be really hard work, especially with the DC all wanting different things at different times. I think you would have to split up into smaller groups realistically, e.g. those wanting to go on a certain ride. It would not BU to say upfront that this is how you want to do things if other family want to join you.

I do agree with you that among so many grandkids some may get more or less attention from the GP's. If it doesn't bother the grandkids in question it's not really an issue. With DD's attitude to everything you do is uncool, are you afraid you'll never see her unless you follow the other family around? Could you make a bargain with her to spend most of the time with you and go with them occasionally, state that any breach of this will result in her having to stay with you all the time and not go anywhere with the cousin? Would she not moan anyhow if you were there just as a family of four?

It isn't U to want a holiday with your own family, but knowing DH's family enthusiasm for joining you I'd have booked without telling any one. I think particularly not asking for SIL's help in looking for deals because clearly she assumes she can discuss your business with everyone which isn't helpful. So if you really want it just to be you four, you'll have to make it plain quickly or just put it off until another time.

Your sister in law has no right to get stroppy at you for not booking holidays through her. Its none of her business is it.

girly if it were just the 4 of us DD would be my sweet wee DD who likes to join and and play silly games and dance to silly songs and generally muck in and be part of our daft little family. If anyone else is there she turns into this sullen pre teen (almost 9) and won't join in with what we are doing because what everyone else is doing looks like more fun, plus her cousin is the same age so it's understandable she'd want to be with him. SIL and BIL don't seem to have that craving for family time (I think it's just the way DH's family operates which can be lovely and very inclusive, a definite more the merrier attitude) and so to separate the cousins it'd be one dissenting voice amongst the pack and although DH would more than likely back me up he'd not understand why I was doing it and I'd come off looking like the bad guy.

I'm just going to book it and not tell anyone I think. It's the only way.

I would book it too.WE told DS on the way to the airport and it was magical.

I would rather plan to go away as a group than have it foisted on me.

Have a great time and get yourself over to TA forum. Figgygirl knows everything.

Your very best option is to tell them you just want it to be the 4 of you. They'll think better of you for being upfront about it, and it will save problems in the future.

There really is nothing wrong with wanting it to be just your family. Get DH to tell them and he can say he'd like everyone to be there but you really want a small family holiday. They might think you're being unsociable but so be it.

yadnbu - we recently went away to a cottage with lovely friends. It was lovely, they were lovely and the dcs loved having other children around and all 4 adults liked being able to share the load etc etc BUT it was all about compromise and I spent no time alone with dh at all and only a few hours alone with dh and the dcs (and it was tricky to say we wanted to go off on our own). Holidays are few and far between and I think it is 100% reasonable to want to go to Disneyland with your dh and dcs on your own and do what you want when you want. I think you'll just have to be upfront and say that, tricky as it might be.

Well Benedicts, I think you're right to just book it, if only to get a bit of peace. It sounds as though DD's cousins have rather a lot of influence over her if she seems a different person while with them although I think it's just showing off.

It really is no business of SIL's how you choose to holiday. Sadly you might not be able to do the surprise thing with your kids if SIL creates, and they find out about it.

YANBU, just book it yourself. They are being pretty rude to invite themselves along.

YANBU

we are in a similar position, we want to take DD to euro disney for her birthday this year. we have never had a holiday with just the 3 of us. DD mentioned it to MIL & MIL said "oh i'll come with you" DP and i love her but don't want her to come on our first family holiday.

you are not a shitty person at all, you just want some quality time with your own little family unit. tell them this, you have nothing to feel bad about.

whilst on the subject on euro disney, anyone know if it's best to book direct with them for the cheapest deal? or is there another website that does disney deals?

YANBU its unbelievable, nip it in the bud " I dont know where you got idea from that its a group holiday we just want to go alone. "

I would not have my holiday hijaked, it would have been so much nicer if she had simply " asked" you if you wanted company.