to be jealous of my friends!

[alphabite]

Don't jump on me and tell me I am a horrible friend!

It just seems that all my friends have the kind of lives I want! They have beautiful homes (I live in a horrible rental and am currently looking for somewhere a bit better but it won't be a stunning property due to finances).

They are married or in relationships with great guys and I am Bridget Jones (with no sign of Colin Firth coming along).

They are gorgeous and I resemble a hobbit.

They are great at their jobs and have confidence in their ability. I do my job but I wouldn't say I am great at anything. I really want responsbility but I am constantly passed over for promotions.

They have lovely children and I can't have kids.

They have their futures sorted as they are in well paid jobs and I worry all the time about what will happen to me as I get older with no money, partner or children.

How do I stop these feelings of jealousy? I know I should just be thankful that I have a fab family, a roof over my head and a job ...

I bet they all fart and have halitosis. Or their partners do. Or they snore.

The grass is only greener because it's fertilized with bullshit you know.

Bet they aren't half as happy as you think they are.

Tackle one problem at a time. The career is the easiest one. You want a better job with more responsibility. Find out how you can do that and work towards it. The fact that you're single with no kids is a big advantage on that front as it makes you very flexible.

WRT to finding a partner, you need to improve your confidence before that will happen. I'm sure you don't resemble a hobbit, although if you look like Elijah Wood then you're pretty lucky :) He is quite beautiful

It's very sad that you can't have children, if you would like to have them at some point. Although I know five people who were told they couldn't have children and all five have at least one child, so perhaps it's not set in stone...?

It's hard not to be jealous of people but jealousy sucks your energy, energy you could be using to improve things.

unfortunately there will always be people who have what you want.
Your life isn't static. You can achieve your ambitions too so look forward to how you can imprrove your life.

Also look at what you have. I bet compared to others, you have a lot to be thankful for.

I have the smallest house of all my friends and family. I'm the most overweight of all my friends and family. I could probably list other things too but theres no point in making myself feel worse. I'm just thankful I live in a fairly nice area and I have great family and friends and I'm eating healthily to try to lose the weight.

Your friends probably look at you and wish they were free an single - to go out when they wanted, no nappies to change, no school uniform and trips to shell out for, long lie is in the weekend etc etc!!
I live in quite a rich area and so am often the 'poor relation' but most of my friends with big houses and lots of money have to work full time or have husbands that work long hours / away etc whereas I can work part time evenings and away home with the kids in the day etc
I think in regards to material things the current climate has taken away the "keeping up with the jones" mentality and replaced it with bargain hunting and frugality which means there's not as much pressure to have new shiny things.
You can change your job if you are not happy, a man will be out there somewhere, kids could happen in another way through marraige or adoption maybe?

It's easy to think that the grass is greener but that's not always the case. If you are constantly comparing yourself to others, you are like a runner in a race who keeps looking at the person behind them and hence, is slowed down by taking thier eye off their own path.

We are all on our own journey and things ebb and flow - we all have highs and lows in our life.

I think you should take things one step at a time - if you don't like the place you live in, find somewhere else or give it a bit of a makeover. Get back on the dating scene by telling your pals you are available if they know any suitable single men and maybe joing an online agency.

As for your job, if you feel you are constantly passed over then maybe it's worth having a chat with your line manager. Make it clear that you are interested in promotion and ask what you should be doing to avoid being passed over in future.

Above all, try not to dwell on negativity - think about the things you CAN do and WILL do to make changes in your life without comparing yourself to others.

Thanks everyone. I guess you are all right. I need to look at my own life and how to improve aspects of it.

These "amazing" people have chosen to have you as a friend, maybe they see something you are missing, stop being so hard on yourself.

You have a vision of where you would like to be, it seems far away and unobtainable, don't think of the massive leap, just keep doing the tiny steps in the right direction, the next time you look up you will be very surprised how close you are to your target.

You are the only person on the planet that can do the job of being you, no one else can fill that role, you are doing a fab job of being you, enjoy it, and it will show.

as for not being able to have children, who told you that? any muppet(with the right equipment) can get pregnant and give birth, that's the easy bit of being a parent, there are thousands of children out there that waiting for a parent, one day if you feel like it you can be a parent.

and by the way there are lots of "Colin Firth" types out there feeling just as despondent about not being able to find their Bridget Jones, I know as I often have them cluttering up my house moaning that they don't know where to find one.

''any muppet(with the right equipment) can get pregnant''

I wish it was that simple.

Have you considered a couple of sessions with a life coach? I can't tell you how much of a huge difference this can make to your perspective and how you move forward!

What does it involve BagofHolly?

Well the principle is that you find the answers/way forward for yourself but they facilitate it. It can be face to face or over the phone, and they are skilled at asking you questions which might reveal why you're stuck in whatever aspects of your life you'd like to move forward with.
It's not like counselling, you're not required to examine your inner soul, just to take ownership of the ways in which you have controljn changing your life.
It's dead good.

Ok - if I think objectively I probably tick all the boxes your friends do. (Nice house, lovely child, good job etc). But do you want to know a secret?

I am absolutely knackered! Dd still isn't reliably sleeping (and she's 2 now) and at 3 O'clock this morning I was blearily looking all round said lovely house for a chewable snail!
I've just moved jobs and half the time have no clue what I'm doing and feel like I'm faking it! Oh and I can't stay late and spend the time I need as I have to pick dd up from nursery on time.
I get every cold going so have spent the winter with pockets full of snotty tissues
And I'm not even going to tell you about my post natal trips to the loo!

The thing is that I'm generally pretty happy with my life but it is far from perfect. And sometimes I really really envy my single friends!

Thanks BagofHolly. I might look into it.

MummytoKatie I know everyone has things that they find tough in their lives. I guess nobody has a perfect life where they love every second.

I could do with a lottery win!

Stop it! Go and write a list of why they want you as a friend. You must provide them with something lacking in their lives - like loyalty or truth or kindness or laughter. Be honest when looking at yourself. I bet it will be an amazing list of qualities you possess.

Alphabite, I have similar thoughts about myself at times but what goes around comes around and you must a) be a good friend and b) have lovely friends. Consider yourself blessed.