Male Imposter seeks advice

[maleimposter]

Dear all, I am writing here on behalf of a friend in the hope that someone could help me to point her in the right direction. Over this last year my friend has become a single parent due to her partner of 13 years dumping her for another relationship that he started nearly 3 years ago. They are not married but have a child of 4 years old and just recently, my friend gave birth to a baby that sadly didn't survive. They bought a house together 7 years ago which is now becoming a bitter war as he is forcing a sale and she is refusing to leave. Her partner is a builder by trade and was the main income to the house. She on his terms, was to stay at home and raise their child. In the last 7 years, they planned to have an extension, which is not complete and he is refusing to do any more to the house. Unfortunately, she has now had to start claiming benefits to now try and meet the mortgage, which he is still liable for either by making it his "child maintenance" payment or by paying his share and paying a little extra on top...still to be agreed!! My friend has had some free legal assistance and has been advised that she can stay in the property until their child leaves eduction and will get some assistance to meet her part of the mortgage...which had fallen into arrears. The house is not in a functioning state. She has had a water leak, her boiler was advised it would be condemned as was heavily leaking carbon monoxide since installation, wiring is left unsafe, windows, roof, extension itself, plumbing issues, plastering...you name it! excuse my waffle... Does anyone know of a reputable trades that would do work for vulnerable people or know how to get access to funds (all be it private accommodation)...male or female trades?? She needs a break because she really doesn't deserve any of this...no one does. Thanks for reading

They can't sell the house in the current state and that is official

Official on whose say so?

His new woman has advised that he is to make no contact what so ever and has implied that there could be consequences

Threatening behaviour should be reported to the police.

He is heavily involved in drugs and also has had a complete 360

No idea what a "360" is, but if he is involved so heavily in drugs, then she is certainly well shut of him.

And your last paragraph is rather twatty to be honest. There are plenty of people on this site in bad situations trying to sort their lives out. There are women with young children who are in hostels because their partners have beaten the shit out of them.

Yes, your friend has had rough time, there is no doubt about that, but she is not elderly, or disabled, and as we have said, she would be entitled to help, but nobody is going to give her house a makeover or sort out the building works for her.

All houses are saleable, whatever condition. Have you never watched Homes under the Hammer?

As I mentioned, if it is bad, it will be (virtually) unmortgageable, so only a developer will buy it, for a lot less than the finished value.

Has your friend even attempted to get a valuation? Like I said re my own home, finished it is worth up to £400k. Estate agents have been quite clear that I can't get anything near that if I sell now, and to put it up for £325k but be prepared to accept £300k. That's taking into account the state of it and mortgage issues. In the current climate agents are selling a lot of half-finished houses, whether because of situations like this or due to repossession, and are used to giving valuations which takes this into account.

Personally I would not want a heavy drug user doing any building work in my home. She will not get any money out of him if he is that into drugs either.

And I agree with squeaky re your last paragraph. I don't sit at home, or drive a 4x4. I have a very demanding full time job, which keeps me out of the house for 12-14 hours per day and has done since my DC were small. If I did not work, I wouldn't be able to afford to pay off my Ex and get our house finished. Maybe your friend would be better off looking for a job so she can get some financial independence which will increase her options?

It sounds awful for your friend but i think it will be best if she left the house.

Also i think as he stands to gain, why should someone do the work for free. When the house would inevitably be sold he would benefit from someone losing out. So he would win anyway.

I doubt if any charity would view her as 'in need' if 50% of the ownership is owned by a builder who will not do the work or pay for it even though he could. After all the work was done he would be laughing.

It's shit for her but i think she needs to cut her losses. She could try to auction the house to developers.

why doesn't she want to move? I understand that home is important but this house sounds like nothing but stress? I would also advise her to move on and get completely clear of this joker.

I also don't understand why you decided to be so rude and aggressive in your last paragraph. There has been nothing but good advise here

returns to kitchen to remove 4th baking cake of the day whilst polishing hub on the 4 by 4 in the driveway

I sympathise with your friend but there's no need to rant at the people on here. We didn't put her in this position - her crappy ex did.

It is worth your friend calling Shelter's helpline as they can give her advice as to her rights, and hopefully clarify her legal position.

Shelter helpline details

Sorry OP, did you start this thread expecting people to offer your friend money or free building work? It won't happen. Good advice is what people get on here, whether or not they choose to take it.

She needs to get out of the house as a matter of urgency if the boiler is dodgy.

Might be a long shot, but what about something like this:

www.bbc.co.uk/showsandtours/shows/beonashow/diy_sos

I agree with all that's been said. The guy is an arsehole. But there's no one who'll do building work free for her so the house she owns is nicer or more sellable.

The only thing I can think of is, if she is desperate, maybe she has a friend/family member who could do the essential work to make the house safe (eg. the boiler), then she pay them back in full over time, or when the house is sold. But doubt her H would pay for half of it, nor do I think she could make him.

If she can't do this, (although I don't think it's a likely option anyway) I would just move into a rental (especially if it's dangerous) and put the house on the market, and call the CSA.
Although (if she doesn't work) I'm not sure where she'd stand on benefits to pay rent if she owns property.

With regards to your last paragraph, many, many people on MN are far worse off than your friend.

You could try posting on legal - there are quite a lot of very knowledgeable people on there who will be able to give good advice. (As an aside I would try and avoid being quite so insulting /grasping there as you are talking about professionals some of whom earn hundreds of pounds an hour normally giving advice for free.)

My layman's opinion is that she needs to use the bargaining chip she has (that she can stay in the house for the next 13+ years if she wants) to get what she wants. (A habitable home for herself and her child.)

Ie she offers to put the house on the market and split the proceeds with ex if he finishes the work enough to make it saleable and not going to make a thumping loss.