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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be a stroppy cow with DP this morning?

19 replies

CupOfBrownJoy · 29/04/2012 08:37

I'm 6+2 pg and this last week the tiredness has really started to kick in. I have a busy job as a primary school teacher and tbh on the weekend I just want to collapse.

DP has his own business which involves long hours at weekends and late finishes. Last night there was a party in the village, and DP was desperate to go. I admit I was reluctant but agreed to go along.

Everyone else left for the party around 10pm. DP didn't finish work until 11, so I was quite honestly knackered before we even got there. I'd had a half hour nap around 9.30pm too.

When we got to the party it was really smoky and I was quite worried about the passive smoking. Then my stomach started to really cramp, badly. This went on for an hour and was really uncomfortable/worrying. I told DP but he just didn't seem to get it, kept asking me if I wanted to dance etc and in the end I got really snappy at him.

Around midnight I suggested leaving and he really didn't want to go home. I explained my stomach was killing me, I was getting worried about it plus really tired. He said it was fair enough if I wanted to go but he wanted to stay. I said I wasn't going to force him to leave and it was up to him what he did. I walked home (less than 5 mins) on my own.

He rolled in at 2.30am, woke me up and then kept me awake by snoring like a freight train all night. I finally got up, telling him he'd kept me awake all night at 9, not a word of apology from him. He will sleep as late as he can before work and then be good for nothing for a couple of hours.

So I'm feeling really narked with him, for not being sympathetic about how tired I am or about the stomach cramps (which ended up being nothing), for coming in so late and then keeping me awake and refusing to sleep on the sofa so I could get some proper sleep.

On the other hand he rarely gets to socialise properly because of the business and I don't actually begrudge him the odd night out and a few beers.

AIBU? I feel Angry

Grrrrrrrr......

OP posts:
CupOfBrownJoy · 29/04/2012 08:37

PS Not in UK hence time difference....

OP posts:
MrFunnytheEasterBunny · 29/04/2012 08:41

YANBU, purely because you are pregnant. I would have expected sympathy for my exhaustion and some sort of concern for the cramps, and also I would have turfed him into the spare room or onto the couch if he had been snoring like that! And you can feel as Angry as you like and blame it on the pregnancy hormones!

PurplePidjin · 29/04/2012 08:44

YANBU. Dp was seriously impressed I stayed awake til 11.30 last night watching a gig! Go back to bed and kicked him til he buggers off stay there Brew

CupOfBrownJoy · 29/04/2012 08:47

Thank you MrFunny Smile

I've been feeling generally very well and I think he has possibly yet to realise that I might not be able to carry on as normal for the entire pregnancy!

Simply be writing it down I feel like I might now have more chance of talking to him reasonably about it. Yelling at a man with a hangover is rarely a good idea Grin

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minimisschief · 29/04/2012 08:47

yabu sorry

Psammead · 29/04/2012 08:47

Well, you wanted to go home and you went. Personally I would expect more sympathy from DH, but I am sure there are aome who would call me a wimp.

You didn't want to go to the party, but went anyway. You didn't want to dance but got hassled anyway. You tried telling him something but couldn't make yourself understood properly. Either your DH is a bit of a bully, or you need to start being more forceful in your opinions/needs.

I have a ton of sympathy for you, I am 16 weeks and I remember the tiredness of the first trimester very well. You need to make him understand that. Read selected bits from MN's pregnancy guide on this website to him to make him understand it's not something you can control. He might start having more sympathy.

I am relieved for you that your stomach cramping turned out to be nothing, by the way.

CupOfBrownJoy · 29/04/2012 08:48

Thanks purple!

I'm going riding, actually. Tends to level out my mood nicely (we are very slow and sedate, minimal risk to the pregnancy!)

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Gumby · 29/04/2012 08:49

I wouldn't have gone to the party in the first place!

CupOfBrownJoy · 29/04/2012 08:50

minimiss am I being a drama llama? I do have the tendency Blush

Psammead DP isn't a bully at all, he had that "let off the leash" feeling last night I think. He's very sociable and a night owl, and even when I'm not pg I can happily be in bed by 9.30!

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CupOfBrownJoy · 29/04/2012 08:56

ok, I'm off riding now but I'll check in later. Thanks to all those who have taken the time to reply Thanks

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scuzy · 29/04/2012 09:18

yabu and shouldnt have bothered going. now is the time to get all his nights out out of his system you'll need him more once baby is here. and not being harsh but if this is how it is at 6 weeks plus you have a LOOONG way to go of feeling even worse. so pick your battles and mind yourself.

and am glad your cramps turned out to be nothing. i know that worry all too well.

however shouldnt you be resting? now your gone off riding?? Hmm

Bearcrumble · 29/04/2012 09:29

He should have slept in a different room if he was so pissed he was going to snore that badly. My DH and I have a deal that if he's had more than three pints he sleeps on the sofa.

PurplePidjin · 29/04/2012 09:30

Why could he not just go on his own, and take your apologies because you had ? I know some people's relationships don't work like that, but you're off riding so I assume you're both used to pursuing separate interests...

Rhubarbgarden · 29/04/2012 09:45

YANBU. The first trimester is horrid. I was exhausted, bad tempered and hormonal. It's my second pg so I got very little sympathy from DH which made me snap at him all the time, and I got quite resentful if he went for a night out even though he doesn't do it much and I didn't want to go with him, so I know exactly how you feel. It's hard when you feel pissed off with them but know in your heart of hearts you're being a teeny bit unfair.

The good news is it does usually get better. Get that first awful trimester out of the way and you will probably feel less knackered and hormonal. Good luck Envy

Am jealous of you being out riding btw.

Rhubarbgarden · 29/04/2012 09:46

Sorry the Envy was about the riding!

ChaoticismyLife · 29/04/2012 09:47

YANBU There's nothing wrong with him going to a party on his own, or, as in this case, staying behind when you went home. However, that doesn't give him the right to be inconsiderate by waking you up when he came home. He should have come in more quietly and slept on the sofa.

bushymcbush · 29/04/2012 09:57

I was told you shouldn't ride while pregnant because of the risk of a fall. Your call though.

And I'm afraid I think YAB a bit U with dh. He hasn't been deliberately obnoxious, he wanted you both to have a good time but didn't mind you going home when you'd had enough. Sounds like you were determined to be miserable about the party from the start.

Otoh he should have 1) shown more concern fir your comfort and 2) escorted you home before returning to the party.

NowThenWreck · 29/04/2012 10:07

YANBU at all. He should have been more concerned about the stomach cramps, and should have seen you home! And he shouldn't have woken you up.
IME, the first ten weeks were the worst, so even though you don't look pregnant, you feel atrocious.
Some of the posters on here seem to have very low expectations of what a husband should do. It's his job to take care of you while you grow another human being inside your body!

CupOfBrownJoy · 29/04/2012 12:05

Thanks again everyone

bushy tbh I think you're right. I was being a miserable cow and I sort of knew it, but I wanted some sympathy too!

Any major row has been averted by my hormones... When I got back DP asked me what was the matter and I burst into tears! So instead of having a big row I got a big hug and a cup of tea Smile

All back to normal in the Cup household (for now Wink)

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