to worry about this?

[Springsister]

I'm away on a course this weekend and dh is looking after dc
I just rang him and he sounded a bit pissed. He said he had only had 3 cans and was planning one more 2before bed .

I asked him if that was a good idea since he is on his own. He said he would be fine.

I just rang again to tell him something and he is not answering.

I was still pissed this morning from my night out and had to call my mother to rescue the poor child

Hth lol

I think I have a slightly skewed view, as I am tee total so one of us has always been sober since we have had kids.

I would expect dp not to drink when he was looking after them though. Maybe we are odd.

I must too cos i don't drink much so dh usually doesn't have to think about it.

is one parent supposed to stay sober every night just incase something happens? What about having a drink together on a Saturday night? Tbh, if my DH was away, id get a bottle of wine in and a take away as a treat, and my DD is only 5mo.

Let him be a parent in charge. Stop back seat parenting.

I'd be very cross to be honest. Presumably he knows about your Mum, so knows it's an anxious subject for you. And presumably he knows you were nervous about leaving the children. Even if he feels he's capable of dealing with any problems, he should stay sober if only to ease your mind. How hard can it be to do that? He's being thoughtless and selfish in my opinion. And then not answering the phone makes it even worse.

Have you managed to get in contact with the drunken lout him yet Spring?

He is thinking about himself. He deserves a drink on a Sat night. Sounds like loads of parents do. So I guess the stuff about my mum shouldn't really affect him. Affects me tho.

I didn't call him again.

I just got text tho. It said night x and that dc are sound asleep.

Feel a bit better now.

Awww

At least you're trying to get some perspective over how you feel, he is entitled to think about himself on occasion, but should be considerate and keep himself in check with it.

You sound reasonable, can you talk some more about it to him?

I don't think he was selfish at all.

He's looking after his kids and relaxing with a few drinks...like I imagine thousands of parents are doing right now.

It's tough for you that your Mum was an alcoholic, but your DH isn't.

Therefore your tone probably did piss him off a bit.

Glad he sent the text though.

Spring glad you're feeling happier. I understand your fear. It would make me feel nervous for similar reasons.

Be realistic now Mary, they're all gobshites.

It's just of varying degrees.

Probably should agentzigzag.

We have chatted about this in the past. He knows I get scared when he gets very pissed. He passed out one night and I couldn't sleep for worrying.

He does that very rarely btw. I'm no fun when it comes to drinking. I used to drink heavily myself but luckily managed to knock it on the head before I went down the route my mum did.

I'd be very cross to be honest. Presumably he knows about your Mum

Right just because OPs Mum was an alcoholic does that mean her DH is not allowed a drink in his own home

I like to think of myself as a shy fishwife.

Living with the paradox can be uncomfortable.

Duck I was just saying that we are all a product of our experience, and OPs experience with regard to parents, small children and alcohol has been very negative. As a loving and caring partner, her DH should take this into account and modify his behaviour accordingly. He can drink when she's around. He knows she's anxious about alcohol consumption when there are no other carers there, so as an act of respect and kindness he should give her peace of mind by staying sober. Is that really too much to ask, especially as she's already said that she very rarely goes away and leaves him with the children.

springsister - try to get some sleep. It really isn't much alcohol at all. I can drink that without being 'drunk' and am just fine looking after the children. I'm sorry you had such a rough time with your Mum and pleased that you knocked it on the head before you went down the same path, but it really doesn't mean no one else can handle it or know their own limits. Unless you have other reasons not to, you need to trust your DH to be able to look after his own children without you telling him he's not doing a good enough job of it.

I did sleep easy after hearing your opinions last night. What you're all saying makes sense.

MN is better than therapy.

He does deserve more trust than I am showing him. He is a good man who deserves a beer or two and I can see how stuff from my family is skewing my thinking about this.

Thinking about everything I realise dh knows all this and now I do too :)