To be jealous of SAHMs

[TangerinePuppet]

Help me see sense here guys!

I look after 2yo DD during the day, but then I work 25 hours per week in the evenings 'til 1 or 2am. DP is lovely, but earns a tiny wage, so I have to contribute a fair amount or we'd go under (we probably bring in just £25K between us )

I am so, so, so tired.

Most of the other mums I mix with, who are really lovely btw, are SAHMs. They don't have to worry at all about bringing in a wage as their DPs/DHs earn good salaries.

God I envy them SO MUCH

Jealousy is a shit emotion I could do without in my life. These are great people by the way and I don't think any less of them for it at all. I justwish I could as well

How do other mums who HAVE to work deal with it?

Yanbu. I'm a LP who works and it's exhausting and lonely.

I'd love to chat at the school gates or meet friends and socialise but can't do it.

lashings - look at adverts on your local council website. they will specify what they want. i think its NVQ's. my guess is that you could do this via open uni, or maybe evening classes (though think there is a cost involved). guess this would then put you above a lot of the competition if you applied, espec if you have also helped out ay school previously as you can show its something you enjoy/are good at/understand whats involved. good luck

Does your DP get up with your toddler so you can get a bit more sleep in the mornings? I do hope you are not working until 2am and then getting up with your toddler at 6am when many toddlers wake up!

It does sound tough but in a year your Dd will be in nursery and then school so you will have more time/a chance to change your working hours to more reasonable ones. - unless you have any more children that is. Don't blame yo!U for feeling a bit hard done by next to your friends.

i used to be jealous of SAHM's - all that time to chat at the school gates, coffee mornings, not having to juggle and rush. But now I'm pleased that I continued to work. Not only have I got a better job than most of them now, but I've always known that if anything happened between my husband and I, that I could support myself.

you sound like you need more sleep, and maybe a few hours a week for you. could you speak with your husband and see if something could shift - maybe just one playgroup a week?

That sounds so tough, but I think...you know, it won't be like that for ever. And I tend to think, whatever situation you're in, there's no easy answer. For what it's worth, I don't think I'd personally ever rest easy being a SAHM. There's just too many what-if's in the situation for me to be comfortable.

I also kind of think, I guess I'm expecting those early years to be hard. I'm pregnant with our first, and at the same time we're striving for independence in our lives - DH has just become self-employed, I'm hoping to follow during "maternity leave" by using that time away from my day job to set up a consultancy. None of it will be easy, all of it will be exhausting, DH and I don't expect to see each other a huge amount, and finances will be very tight during the years it would be better to have the security we had during our pre-children days.

Just as we will, just keep telling yourself it will not be like this for ever. You and your DH are both working hard for your family, you are doing what you need to do. Take pride in that, you are both raising your children and working hard for them. Try to grab some rest, and be nice to yourself, and - it won't be like this for ever :)

I have to admit to being envious of people who can afford not to work. I have to keep my job to pay for essentials (DH is pretty much on minimum wage) so it's not a choice to work, and I don't have the designer clothes, foreign holidays, new cars etc that people may assume I do it for. In fact we can't afford to replace the car that packed up yet and have to constantly watch the pennies. With student loans coming in for part time study next year DH is going to go to college and try to improve his situation but we will be skint for at least the next few years even so. It would be amazing to not have to worry about getting to work, dealing with boring tasks you'd rather not do, sorting childcare etc and just have all day to plan yourself. The holidays I get are awesome and I live for them. So I know how you feel.

I would love to have the choice and money not to work. I wouldn't take it, as I love my job, but I would spend that money on getting more help in the house.

No wonder you are exhausted, as someone else said, you are doing two jobs.

op, you sound just the same as me and you're living on the same money

I have to work, no choice, but I work around the kids like you do

I hate my job, its demanding and demeaning all at once

I know many many mums with kids in school who don't have to work and still have the 2 car, holidays abroad lifestyle I'd like myself##its just shit really

I know I work hard and contribute, but am knackered, snappy and unhappy a lot

I see other mums going to the gym, walking a lot, looking healthy and above all unstressed as they aren't rushing to a job they hate

must be great, that's all I can say

my dh is great but doesn't earn much and never will, their dh's are md's or professionals

I recently had some time off work and I noticed a real change in me, I was much more relaxed and nicer to be around. And I didn't fall asleep every day at 4.30pm!!

it made me realise all the more how easy some of my friends have it

Lashings - I enrolled at my local college and did a one day per week placement in my son's school (a class teacher is assigned as your 'mentor'). The course was £280 but I think the prices have risen now! It took one year to qualify but you can do courses online that are condensed into just a few months. There's a lot of competition for jobs and I was very lucky to be in the right place at the right time. However, I did really put myself out with voluntary work (which I appreciate not everyone is able to do due to paid work commitments). I worked a day a week in a different primary school (years 1 and 2) and two days at my son's school (year 5) and I'm now working in the nursery but it's a temp contract (as are many TA jobs unfortunately)

Thank you dreamingofsun and Gooshka. Will investigate courses.

You have a tough life. You have one full time job (sahm) AND a part time one.

Your DH just has the one job.

Could you suggest that you both do extra hours? I've done manic fulltime jobs where 3 hours overtime a day (unpaid) was expected - and it was still easier than being a sahm to a 2 yo.

Respect to you for what you do.

Thank you all so much for your replies It really does help to put things in perspective.

It's also a comfort to know that others, such as FayeGovan are in a similar boat!

Hi OP, I'm not surprised you're tired - you are essentially doing 2 jobs. Are you entitled to any top up benefits/tax credits/help with nursery places ?
Take care of yourself, you have an extremely hectic life ! I take my hat off to you.
I am a SAHM but do study in the evenings, its getting pretty full on, so I know how you feel.

YABU - grass is always greener and all that...