Last minute hols- husband only

[KlickKlackknobsac]

My not currently dh has been away Since Christmas to Europe for 5 days, uk 5 days and 2 days, some work, some family related. We have 3 dc and I work full time. He has a choice about these trips as self-employed. Yesterday he tells me he is going to Europe again, from Weds til Sunday (he has no idea of flight times!!!) as he is worried about his dad (who is replying to email slowly and getting a bit senile maybe). He last went out 8 weeks ago. I told him to not go yet, and if he did to ask when was a good time. But he just booked it, says he 'forgot' it was a bank holiday. I am gutted. Let down. I feel like I am not in a relationship- no consultation, no consideration, he just acts like he is single. Was hoping to do something at weekend. Now no chance. Thinking of just jacking the whole thing in as just being treated like I am irrelevant. AIBU??

It's a bit of a bummer he will be away over a public holiday but for the reason he has given, ie his father YABVU. He must be very worried about him. Let him go without all these recriminations.

So the choice is he sees his potentially quite ill father, or you get to 'do something' over the bank holiday?

It's not really a choice, is it? YABU if you try to stop him from going.

In the wider sense, I think you need to discuss his going away. Though if it's work or family related, it's hardly like he's off on a jolly, is it?

He should have consulted you. Why can't you all go over the bank holiday? Surely DCs would like to see their grandad.

He took youngest dc last time he went-

have just discussed again and he admits he also needs to wind down and let his hair down a bit. (His Dad IS responding). Its not the fact he is going- its the timing, and lack of consultation.
I am listening to your replies...

Talk to him, sounds like he has big worries at the moment., is he coping?

I understand you are also finding things hard, and I'm not dismissing your needs, but you need to communicate together to get to the bottom of what's going on with both of you.

If your DH is self-employed, he might not actually feel like he has a choice, as you put it, to go or not go on these trips. There's always the feeling you could be doing more, or you can't turn down work, when you're self-employed. Unless he's doing fantastically well and making squillions.

Sometimes these things all come at once, and the lack of consultation might not make you feel great now but in terms of time away, you have a lifetime together so a period of having to go away a lot isn't such a big deal.

OK- so consensus is that I am being unreasonable.

Right- time to make amends (a bit).

YANBU

What if you organised yourself the way he does? What is you expected him to be able to look after the dc whenever you needed to be away?

I'm surprised by all the YABU responses. You are not asking if he is being unreasonable by visiting sick father, rather the way he organises it without consultaion.

Marriage is about team work.

What choice does he have about the work ones? I assume it is to get business or cosy up to customers? What happens if he doesn't go? Just because he doesn't have a boss telling him to go, doesn't mean he doesn't need to go. In fact, if you're self employed, you need to do more. There's no back up, no sick pay...

re his dad, well, it's understandable to want to go - that's his dad! If I was worried about someone, I'd want to go and check it out.

That said, if you are feeling like how you feel doesn't matter and that he will just go and do what he wants, when he wants, then that's an issue that needs to be addressed. He needs to make you feel part of things, and that you matter.

yes- we need to talk.
Thanks mners