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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For getting bored and irritated with DP's obsessions?

10 replies

SplatteredSnail · 27/04/2012 22:28

DP and his father get really obsessed over stuff to the point were if one of them does something, they'll get together and deliberate over it and discuss it and analyse it for hours comparing notes and going on and on and on about it. An old example is laptop gate. DP buys a laptop and takes it down to show his dad. He dad becomes obsessed and the two of them sit there discussing it for hours, going on the internet to look for various "similar" ones, compare prices, compare componants, compare specs, days later they're still ringing each other up to discuss it, his dad ends up buying one the same, more discussions, comparisons, internet searches and on and on and on.

There have been many similar examples (don't even get me started on the lawnmover) but the latest one is the car.

DP buys a car. From the minute he lays down the deposit he becomes obsessed with it. Constant internet searches for reviews, insurance quotes, similar specs, similar prices, older models, newer models and on and on .... then he goes to take it to show his dad. Now this day the plan was that he'd show his dad the car and then come home with the carpet cleaner as we had guests arriving the next day and had a meal booked for 7pm. He said he'd be home by 5pm.

So he sets off at 3pm. From 4pm onwards I get the usual texts "dad loves the car!" "dad is looking at prices on the internet" "dad wants the same car!" etc etc. 5pm arrives, no DP. I text to ask if he's on his way back and get the reply "sorry, lost track of time talking to dad about the car, will be home soon". 6pm arrives and I text "you nearly home??" and get the reply "sorry, will set off now, dad has found some great reviews on the internet". I don't fucking care.

6.30pm, he finally arrives home. We're going to be late for our table. I ask him to bring the carpet cleaner in. Shit - he's forgotten all about that because they've spent the last 4 hours talking about the pissing car.

AIBU to think this level of obsession is irritating and unhealthy? It dominates all our conversations:

"I have found an amazing dress for DD'S prom" - "really? she will be happy then. Btw, I did an insurance quote on the car today as if DD was driving"

"I can't wait to move" - "yeah I know, btw apparantly the car does a billion miles to the gallon, I was reading about it today"

You get the idea. It's getting boring very quickly. AIBU?

OP posts:

wolvesdidit · 27/04/2012 22:38

No help but you have my sympathy DS1 is 6 but like this. His current obsession is burglar alarms and I fear he will turn into a man like your DH and I will never get a grandchild. I am blunt and now say, 'Right. That's enough talk about X. I am not interested even though I can see that you are and that is fine. You either need to just think about it or talk about something else.'

Kladdkaka · 27/04/2012 22:42

I'm married to a scientist, aspie, electronics nerd ... you have my sympathies.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 27/04/2012 22:48

My DH is a bit like that, only his talking point is DIY. He tries to steer every conversation back to being about it and what jobs he wants to do in the house and leave half done for several years before half heartedly finishing them

I just ignore him now when he starts harping on about it, unless I want to talk about it, he soon gets the message

IAmRubyLennox · 27/04/2012 22:51

My DH does sort of do this (Football team X needs 3 more points to be guaranteed safety from relegation? Really? Fascinating stuff) but I just tune it out and ignore him. I'm sure he does likewise when I go on about work politics or children in my class.

doormat · 27/04/2012 22:54

i take anti-depressants..to block it all out

seriously though i think he not doing too much harm, as he is with his dad..seems a really nice relationship there x

Chilenachica · 27/04/2012 23:06

Have you tried telling him you plan on eating DDs classmates one by one because she doesn't like them anyway, or something else outrageous, just to see if he is listening to you?

I couldn't put up with it long term, my OH actually thought I'd lost my hearing until I calmly explained -no Darling, I just can't listen to you spouting bollocks anymore. Took a while for him to calm down but he got the message after a few years couple of months

AgentZigzag · 27/04/2012 23:09

I can totally understand how fucking frustrating it is, but it's nice he's got such a good relationship with his Dad, plus, and this is the best bit, it saves you from being the only focus of him expressing how he feels about whatever it is

I go through periods of immersing myself in a specific subject, but I don't think I've ever got to the point of obsessing about it, and I don't really talk about it to other people.

What is it that makes him think you give a fuck? Does he not have the same boundaries that keep other people in check when they're choosing what to talk about? Or has he convinced himself that either you really are interested in what he's saying or that he has the right to monopolise the conversation because you're his DP and that's part of your role?

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/04/2012 23:10

My DH is a computer engineer on the spectrum with a Dad with a narcissistic PD and it is endless. I do listen to him talking about work because I love him but I won't listen to "my Dad says blah about work and I should do blah". Except his Dad doesn't know what he's talking about and was signed off work because his Dr thought he has going to go postal, because he threatened people at work.

EmmaCate · 27/04/2012 23:13

It would drive me nuts because both examples cite mega-discussions after the fucking event!! I mean who gives a shit once you've closed the deal? At least if they did all this research before deciding on the XYZ it would have a purpose...

My DH is a little like this; has to bounce everything off DPs. I leave him to it; they do the same back. If I'm being honest I find it a little unsexy/immature. Also a bit pointless as they would hardly dare gainsay what he thinks should be done because he's their wonderful son. They just go over the same worries instead of, as 'Never Been Kissed' would say, taking the bull by the balls.

Mermaidspam · 28/04/2012 00:00

I have another one of the species over here. (Also a computer engineer.)

The latest obsession is the Paleo diet. I know fucking everything about it through his endless waffling. I swear. I really, really do not care!

3 weeks ago it was the dishes. God forbid someone should leave a dish in the sink for longer than 3.5 seconds before putting it into the dishwasher. Thankfully that's been left behind along with the many, many, many other obsessions over the years... I wonder what will be next?

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