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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that its not that difficult to get ready for school?

60 replies

BananasInBloomers · 27/04/2012 17:27

I walk to DCs school everyday. Recently a neighbour approached me and asked if I could walk her two kids as well (8 and 9 years old).
I agreed to.

Except that every morning they are running late. My DC1 is in the next year up so goes in at 9:15am,the others go in at 9:20am. I have my four ready to go at 8:50am which leaves us ample time to get there. By the time the neighbours kids are ready its 9:05am and DC1 ends up running ahead so as not to be late.
They are very slow walkers too.

WIBU to just leave them if they are not ready by 8:50am? The parents don't work so no time clashing there. I can't see why they cannot get the children ready on time. I've told them what time I leave at.
I mean they are older kids,so can dress and wash themselves.

OP posts:
joanofarchitrave · 27/04/2012 21:38

What Maureen said.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 27/04/2012 22:59

I would pull out of the arrangement; the parents sound like a pair of lazy fuckers. Just say that the arrangement won't work for you in future, you don't have to give a reason.

I do always wonder how people get sucked into this kind of arrangement. There was a thread earlier today about a woman who had got lumbered with looking after another woman's child before school every day. I do think that some people must have a real cheek and a skin thicker than a rhino expecting all these childcare favours from people

3duracellbunnies · 28/04/2012 14:58

I think people (me included) do it because we think 'well I'm going anyway, it won't make much difference to me', also we can all bring to mind occassions when we have had to ask one off favours because something is being delivered between 5am and 11pm and no one will narrow down the time frame. The OP is probably kind and well meaning and didn't see it as a big favour.

The trouble is that once sucked in you realise that actually other people's kids aren't trained in the same way you have trained yours. Generally neighbours are just the child's neighbours, not best friends, so your children don't enjoy the experience (while sometimes these arrangements are between people whose children are friends - those are more likely to be reciprocal). You find that actually there are times when you want/need to vary your routine - dentist appointments, need to go shopping etc and you resent having to always tell someone else if you decide to drive that day and so won't have room in the car etc. It is hard to go back on an agreement as it looks as if you can't cope, when actually you have been unreasonably put upon in the first place.

surpriseme · 29/04/2012 11:09

I would speak to the parents and say that its making you late and you need to leave at 8:50. Say you are happy to take the kids but if they are not with you by 8:50 you will need to leave without them(and do so)

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 29/04/2012 11:46

From my experience, people that take take take with regards to childcare are always the last to give anything back in return for the favours and always have an excuse up their sleeve as to why they couldn't possibly pick your child up/take them to school/watch them whilst you go to the dentist.

Several years ago a friend of mine whose DS was at school with my DD repeatedly asked me to do things like drop her DS home from school when it was raining and she didn't want to take her younger DD out, or to take him to school in the morning. Or have him and his younger sister whilst she had her hair done or went to the dentist. I did this willingly as we were 'friends'. At first, it started out being only when her husband was at work and she had no car for the schoolrun or he wasn't home to watch the kids. It then started to be on his days off too because they 'fancied a pyjama day' or 'he wanted a quiet day' so she shipped the kids off to me whilst she had her hair done.

Then on the few times I asked for reciprocal childcare/favours she never could. She couldn't pick DD up for me one day as her DS had a friend coming round after school and it 'would be too hard dealing with 4 children' (she never took this into account when expecting me to cope with 4 including hers though!). She couldn't watch DD when I had a doctors appointment as she was 'too tired'. So I started saying no more and more to her. Final straw though was when her DS had a party and they invited the whole of the class apart from my DD. Which to be honest after all I had done for her felt like a slap in the face and it dawned on me that she was just using me and didn't respect me at all. So that was that. No more favours from me!!

Since then I've lost touch with her, although I do occasionally see her and am always polite, but I did hear she latched onto another friend after I stopped doing favours and totally ground her down, even asking her to take her DS to school 2 days after the other friend had given birth to her third baby.

Acandlelitshadow · 29/04/2012 11:49

They sound like a pair of lazy arses and it sounds like you've been suckered. Things won't improve.

Tell 'em to swivel.

Toughasoldboots · 29/04/2012 11:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 29/04/2012 11:51

Don't say anything other than 'Sorry, I thought I was doing this as a favour to you for one morning. It's not convenient for me to continue doing this, sorry'.

They don't appear to actually need help, it sounds like they are just being very lazy, stop indulging them!

duckdodgers · 29/04/2012 11:57

Would I be a bitch to just leave them,making them quite late for school?

And getting them to school on time is your responsibility how??

Its bad enough letting someone take advantage of you but to feel bad about how and when someone else gets their kids to school is completely mad!

Original poster
BananasInBloomers · 29/04/2012 12:07

Thanks for the comments. I said it to the parents yesterday and they muttered that they will have to get up earlier,so I replied yes you will.

We'll see how the week pans out.

Bouyed up by my confrontation,when the Dad knocked on my door yesterday evening asking if I could mind the kids for an hour (which in the past as meant two hours with whingy hungry kids whom I end up feeding as its dinnertime) I said no,now is not convient for me.

OP posts:
knackeredmother · 29/04/2012 12:18

Well done! I bet you feel really great now, it can be hard to be assertive(I know!) but once you take one little step it gets easier.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 29/04/2012 12:26

Well done Bananas!!! That's excellent! The parents seem unbelievably cheeky

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 29/04/2012 12:26

What was his reaction when you refused to babysit yesterday?

Original poster
BananasInBloomers · 29/04/2012 12:27

I like the new assertive me.

I do have to be very precise feeding my own family as we are on a budget,not to mention other peoples.

OP posts:
Original poster
BananasInBloomers · 29/04/2012 12:28

Hex I just closed the door when I said that. Didn't want to give him a chance to talk me round.

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 29/04/2012 12:29

I can't believe the cheek of some people. If I were you, I'd avoid doing them any favours - they clearly see it as an invitation to take the piss.

MaureenMLove · 29/04/2012 17:10

They wanted you to mind the kids, on a Saturday night, without advanced warning? They really are taking the piss!

Well done on your assertiveness! I hope you said, they'd need to be outside the door or you'll keep walking?? Wink

duckdodgers · 29/04/2012 21:15

Bouyed up by my confrontation,when the Dad knocked on my door yesterday evening asking if I could mind the kids for an hour (which in the past as meant two hours with whingy hungry kids whom I end up feeding as its dinnertime) I said no,now is not convient for me.

Yah, well done you! Smile

CrumpettyTree · 29/04/2012 21:53

I am jealous that your children start school at 9:15am and 9:20am! Mine start at 8.35 and 8.45!

Original poster
BananasInBloomers · 30/04/2012 19:30

Update:
They were ready at 8:50am. I'm secretly wondering how long it will last.

OP posts:
3duracellbunnies · 30/04/2012 20:24

You need to stay firm, the first day that they aren't ready you need to say 'oh well see you there then' and make the lazy parents take them they will soon learn!

ImperialBlether · 30/04/2012 20:34

But why aren't their own parents walking them to school, if they don't have work to go to? Do they have baby sextuplets that they have to care for?

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 30/04/2012 20:44

Ummm - LOL. Are you happy with the responsibility and hassle of walking them to school while their feckless parents fester in their jim jams?? Really?

CrumpettyTree · 01/05/2012 09:31

It's not as if the parents are ever going to be able to reciprocate and take your kids to school sometimes as they would end up making your kids late for school by the sound of it.

Eggrules · 01/05/2012 09:39

They were ready at 8:50am. I'm secretly wondering how long it will last.

Did you take them Bananas?

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