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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Angry with childminder

33 replies

RVF400 · 27/04/2012 16:31

Firstly I have to say that I have the utmost respect for anyone who can look after a house full of under fives for 50 hours a week. It would drive me insane, and I am so glad that there are people who actually enjoy it, thereby enabling me to escape go out to work.

I am about to go back to work PT and DD has been going to the childminders one day a week, gradually staying longer each time, to get used to it. She loves being there and gets very excited when we get to the door.

My original agreement with the CM was that I would be going back to work in Sept, but CM said she had Thursdays free at the end of March so I snapped it up. She then said she also had Mondays, I said I'd take it and on that basis then decided to go back to work early.

Suddenly CM has told me she can't do Thursdays. My first day at work is next week. She has offered me Mondays "instead" but I was having those anyway so Confused. I've now agreed my return to work so I'll have to put DD in a nursery on Thursdays, which I really don't want to do.

Firstly I am hugely annoyed at being messed around, and secondly I am worried that if CM is this unreliable I am going to have a really hard few years ahead of me. I am particularly concerned that she might not honour our original agreement of 3 days a week later in the year. I think the problem is that she is always saying "yes, don't worry, it's all fine" to everyone and then when she actually looks at her planning she's oversubscribed.

OTOH, she is a fab CM, kids love her, great reports, and the environment is perfect. It's also a stone's throw from the house, local schools, couldn't be more convenient etc etc. So I really don't want to go and find someone else, it would almost certainly not be as good in a number of ways.

I am really really cross, DH thinks I should tell CM, I am worried that I'll be angry at her and that won't help matters. Basically, the CM holds all the cards here.

OP posts:
DogEared · 27/04/2012 16:32

YANBU

Original poster
RVF400 · 27/04/2012 16:33

oh dear that was quite long and rambly, sorry. I'm very wound up.

OP posts:
Saltire · 27/04/2012 16:36

Do you not have a contract with her? if so it should state notice periods for things like this - I'm a CM and i wouldn't do it, likewise she wouldn't like it if you changed the hours/days with ahrdly any notice.

Also try putting this in the Childminders/nanies section you might get some good advice from CMs etc

Toughasoldboots · 27/04/2012 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 27/04/2012 16:38

I wouldn't use her at all really, can you not get both days at the nursery instead as Toughas has suggested?

MrsMuddyPuddles · 27/04/2012 16:39

Yes, the CM should be asked what's going on, and told that you thought you had an agreement for Thursdays AND Mondays, but your DH could pose the question if you're worried about loosing your temper.

porcamiseria · 27/04/2012 16:42

Poor you, if you are worried suggest you use nursery for entire time and give CM notice on the basis that she has messed you about already?

OR, see how it goes, see how DD gets on with Nursery and with CM, dont make any decisions

But I think its going to be hard to have a long term relationship with someone that has fucked you over so soon into the contract

Siddhartha · 27/04/2012 16:45

YAB(a bit)U - She may have a good reason.

If she has a house full of kids 50 hours a week, when does she do her own stuff?

Childminders are people too!

Original poster
RVF400 · 27/04/2012 16:45

I do have a contract, but it's only for the 3 days we originally agreed for later in the year. Anything before that is not covered I suppose. But I get the feeling she isn't a contract-y kind of person...
TBH I thought I kind of had a verbal contract for the Mondays and Thursdays. But obviously not.
I could put DD in the nursery, but I really don't want to. So much about this CM is perfect, location, kids' environment, and she really is great with them. I am just wondering if being great with kids and being good at admin don't necessarily go together?

OP posts:
TripleRock · 27/04/2012 16:46

YANBU.

It would be a deal breaker for me.

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 27/04/2012 16:49

If you decide to stay with her then always, always put everything in writing and keep a copy. If she's not good at admin then you are going to have to be, just to make sure you are covered for anything else like this.

Original poster
RVF400 · 27/04/2012 16:50

siddhartha I really do not envy her at all, and I do wonder when she manages to do any admin at all. She has kids at hers from 7.30 until 6 every weekday. It's not a job I could ever do.

OP posts:
Groovee · 27/04/2012 16:50

DId you pay a retainer at any point or a deposit?

Original poster
RVF400 · 27/04/2012 16:51

I suspect it was just a mistake in her planning and I have borne the brunt of it. But it really doesn't give me any confidence at all for the future.

OP posts:
Original poster
RVF400 · 27/04/2012 16:53

No i didn't pay a retainer. I did offer though, and she said she didn't do things like that.

OP posts:
MarySA · 27/04/2012 16:53

That is really annoying if the childminder has said she had a day free and now hasn't. And you based your return to work on that. If she is great with the kids and your DD loves going there, I would feel irritated but would probably think it was worth it. As long as this change of plans was a one off and she isn't one of those who messes parents about. Maybe she just realised that she had too many children on that day. (But I'd have a very good moan to DH or friend.)

Saltire · 27/04/2012 16:54

Even for the short period between now and starting the 3 days a week you should still have a contract I don't have them for the 1st 2 weeks "settling in" period then after that I have one, even for a short term agreement

DontmindifIdo · 27/04/2012 16:55

YANBU - when you're working you can't afford to have childcare issues, it's bad enough having to take time off because your DC are sick (or having managed to be convienently sick on your days off work, then sneezed in your face once too often and then you are off sick), trying to act like you're 100% fine when you've had no sleep etc, but not because your CM is unreliable - that makes you look like you can't manage.

I'd suggest you see how your DD does at the nursery, if she seems settled there, I'd be tempted to go with that for the full 3 days, this will at least mean you know where you stand and don't have the worry that your childcare will be unreliable (even if your CM doesn't actually let you down, you're going to be worried about it now).

carabos · 27/04/2012 16:55

Sounds like a breakdown in communication. perhaps she didn't realise that you had committed to going back to work on the strength of Thursdays and Mondays?
You need to chat with her and try to clear it up, which will give you some visibility of whether she's as slack disorganised as you fear or whether it was just one of those things.

SootySweepandSue · 27/04/2012 16:56

Maybe have an honest chat with her and say that while you think she is a fab CM that you feel worried that she is overcommitting or losing track of her admin and that it makes you feel uneasy using her services. See what she has to say for herself. If she is genuinely concerned and is serious about your business that's a good sign. If she is a bit yaddayaddayadda then I think maybe it's not right for you, she is too slack and will let you down.

Original poster
RVF400 · 27/04/2012 16:57

OK maybe I will ask her for a contract for the Mondays. I've given up hope for the Thursdays.
And I did have a good moan at DH, and then wished I hadn't as he just wanted to go straight down there and tell her how U she was being. Which, as she holds all the cards, really wouldn't have been helpful.
She has apologised about the whole thing, she knows she is at fault but really that doesn't help me.

OP posts:
Saltire · 27/04/2012 17:00

Even if she says you don't need one, get one from her, as it covers things like notice periods.

Original poster
RVF400 · 27/04/2012 17:14

Just dug out the contract I have for later this year. It made me feel ever so slightly less stressed.
But does a contract really hold any weight? I mean, if she makes the same mistake again and is oversubscribed, a piece of paper won't really help will it? ALthough I can see now how I was definitely in a poor position for the THursdays, if it was a choice between disappointing me and someone else, the person without the contract cops it.

OP posts:
crypes · 27/04/2012 17:14

She must know other CM's who could take over that day for you. I was a CM for years and was regularly referring other CM's or sharing work. One day for a CM is an easy job if its cash up front.

LadyHarrietdeSpook · 27/04/2012 17:17

"Not a contract-y person?" Well, she has to be one if she's giving them out and people are signing them and arranging to do things like go back to work on the basis they've got childcare arrangements.

If you didn't have something signed for Thursdays, I guess she technically was not being unreasonable. BUT a week's notice is not adequate. So - what is she doing then if that's a day you work? Is the Thurs in the contract that you did sign? Is she having someone else's child for a couple of months or does she expect you to permanently arrnage her schedule around her.