to expect DH to stick to the childcare arrangements?

[maxpower]

I'm really lucky in that a friend of mine looks after DD(5) on odd days during the week before and after school. I work FT and DH works shifts so the flexibility she offers us is fab plus she does it for free which saves us a fortune.

Today, she was collecting her DD from school at 3.15pm and they were going to another school friend's house. My DD was at an after school sports club that wasn't finishing 'til 4.30pm and my friend was happy to go back to the school to pick her up, with the intention that they were then going to return to the school friend's house (hope you're keeping up with this )

I'd spoken to DH this morning to reiterate that he was supposed to pick DD from my friend's after he finished work and that he had to call my friend to arrange the time he'd collect DD. He did this and told her he'd pick DD up from her house at 5pm.

It turns out that he happened to be on his way home and was very near the school at 4.30pm so he decided he'd go there instead to pick DD up from school - but without telling my friend So my friend basically unnecessarily interrupted her afternoon by coming back to the school for no reason. When I got home, DH told me about this and went on to say that DD had then thrown a massive tantrum in the playground as she knew that the plan was for my friend to pick her up and then go back to the mutual school friend's house for a little bit before DH was taking her home. Apparantly DD had behaved appallingly (which is really unlike her) and had ignored my friend and her daughter who had tried to help the situation by telling her that they weren't now going to the mutual friend's house, even though they were.

DH claims he was trying to 'help' - I have asked him who he was trying to help (methinks himself as it meant he didn't have to go out twice) but I don't think he fully appreciates the massive favour my friend is doing and that he should have had the courtesy to stick to the arrangements he'd made. I've now had to apologise to my friend and make DD write a letter of apology as well for the way she behaved. I've got the hump with DH and DD, DH thinks I'm BU and also has the hump with DD. And I had a crappy day week at work ....

Anyone who offers free and flexible childcare is a goddess to be worshipped and most certainly not inconvenienced. He WBU

At the very least he should have called your friend to let her know she didn't need to make another trip to the school. Very inconsiderate behaviour towards someone who is doing you a massive favour. YANBU.

YANBU that was hugely inconsiderate of him. Does he not get that she's doing this for free?

Send him out to get her a bottle of wine and bunch of flowers to drop off when he apologises for his faux pas

He should've called and let your friend know what he was doing, he definitely owes her an apology, pillock!!

YANBU. Free childcare is absolutely not to be taken for granted. He needs to understand that! Grovel, grovel, grovel.

pjmama you pretty much quoted exactly what I said to him. When he told me he was trying to 'help' I did ask him 'who' - it seems like he was just trying to make his own life easier. I have lectured him to within an inch of his life and he told me he did apologise to my friend himself. What's worse is that my friend is having an op next week and another mum at the school has really kindly offered to have DD the following evening after school, but again, DH will be responsible for picking DD up. Because I've had to ask him (as you would a child or a person with reduced capacity) what time are you going to pick DD up and then had to explain that this means he will actually have to pick DD up at that time, not 30mins early or the following day or something else unhelpful, I get accused of BU.

Yanbu, your DH needs to realise how lucky you are and be more considerate!

He's an arse!