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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to NOT contact the police

28 replies

letsgoflyakite · 26/04/2012 11:17

A man exposed himself to me twice on a coach journey.

I think I did a good job of pretending not to notice... I had my head firmly in the Metro.

I didn't even tell the coach driver although I did get my ipod into video mode in case he did it again.

It did cross my mind to tell the driver, as well as ring the police whilst on the bus so they could arrest him at our destination. But I didn't.

I spoke to my Dad about it and he was totally shocked, and said they could trace him because off CCTV and the fact you have to book a ticket and pay by credit card/give name/address.

I rang the police the next day to report it but because it didn't happen where I lived, I had to contact the Metropolitan Police, because the 'crime' happened there.

So I then rang them and told them.

And then they rang me back and said I needed to go to a police station to report it.

So I rang the local police again to ask if I could report it at any police station, and they said no..I have to go back to a police station where the incident happened.

It's so much hassle, I can't be bothered. Half of my head is screaming "THIS MAN COULD BE A PAEDOPHILE AND HAS PROBABLY DONE IT BEFORE..CREEP" and the other half is saying "IT'S TOO MUCH HASSLE, THEY WONT EVEN DO ANYTHING, ANYWAY."

So, AIBU to not report it to the police 'officially'? Presumably if the police were interested they would make allowances seeing as I live 200 miles away, and would let me report it locally?

OP posts:

Calamityboo · 26/04/2012 11:27

It does sound like they are making it difficult for you to report it, maybe you could contact the coach company and see if they can help?

Original poster

letsgoflyakite · 26/04/2012 11:37

I rang the coach company and they said I needed to report it to the police. Just very frustrating....

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 26/04/2012 11:40

It sounds frustrating all round really.

Sadly I think the horse has bolted on this one.

CrispyCod · 26/04/2012 11:41

How shocking that you should have to endure such disgusting behaviour on public transport. And, to top it all have to go to such lengths to get this pervert reported.

How on earth are we going to make public transport safer if this is the way it is dealth with.

Was there no CCTV on the coach? All buses have it now so I'd have thought coaches would too.

Hassled · 26/04/2012 11:41

Did the coach end up near to where you live? Presumably you could report at either end of the coach journey? Or are we talking a short trip and not part of teh 200 miles?

Original poster

letsgoflyakite · 26/04/2012 11:57

The coach journey was from London to where I live. The first 'incident' happened in London, quite soon after the coach left the station and the second somewhere on a motorway.

The coach did have CCTV, but I have no way of knowing if it was working. Plus the coach company wouldn't tell me, and they told me the police would have to ask them to see the footage. Apart from I can't tell the police because they are making it stupidly impossible!

OP posts:

MaisyMooCow · 26/04/2012 12:10

I always carry a bottle of Evian around with me (always thirsty!). I'd have chucked it over the dirty pervert!

Tee2072 · 26/04/2012 12:16

I would ring the police back and suggest that perhaps your local paper would be interested that perverts on buses are getting away with it because the police can't be arsed to make it easy for people to report it.

Then see what they say.

WorraLiberty · 26/04/2012 12:40

I'm not sure it's fair to say the Police aren't making this easy to report.

Basically, they'd have to contact the coach company, sift through hours of CCTV, find out if the action is actually visible or not, sift through lots of information to find his CC number, contact CC company, get them to pass on his address, contact the man, interview him (knowing he'll probably claim it was accidental) and then see if there's a cat's chance in hell of actually getting him to court.

In a perfect world they'd have the time, manpower and money to do that of course.

The 'easiest' way to report it was to the coach driver at the time.

Tee2072 · 26/04/2012 12:42

Well, they are asking her to go back to London. Why can't she report it locally?

WorraLiberty · 26/04/2012 12:44

Actually that's true.

I understand why she can't report it locally...because they're not going to send a Met Officer on a long journey to come and see her.

But they should at least let her report it over the phone.

MissFaversham · 26/04/2012 12:55

OP how awful for you. I've been flashed at a fair few times over the years in various vicinities.

I was once on a train and a girl was actually sexually assaulted, I was the only one who came to her aid. I pulled the emergency cord (as we were inbetween stations and her assailant was still on the train a couple of carriages away). The train driver came to us through the carriages and actually started having a go at me for doing this. Bollox to that! He eventually rather reluctantly on my insistance placed a call to the transport police and the assailant was apprehended at the next station. I still to this day can't believe the driver's attitude.

Was once on a train platform with my sister and was flashed at, I told him if I were him I cover myself up again due to the pathetically minimal size of his todger!

Unfortuately, it is will documented that a majority of these people go on to commit far more serious crimes. So, OP, please persevere.

MissFaversham · 26/04/2012 12:56

"well" documented of course.

valiumredhead · 26/04/2012 12:58

Please do all you can to report it even if it is a pita.

A man did this on a bus sitting next me when I was 12 and I was trapped by the window seat for an hour, too terrified to say or do anything. It still affects be 30 years on.

limitedperiodonly · 26/04/2012 13:41

You're alleging a crime and the police have to investigate it if you report it.

It's probably reasonable that in this case you attend the nearest Met police station to the incident to do so. You could do it in your lunch hour.

So it's up to you. They probably won't catch him or even put much effort in, but do you want them to at least try?

If you see him again confront him, film him, inform the driver. Please think of your own safety but bear in mind that it's a packed commuter coach so what's he going to do?

The worst is that he's going to shout that you're a mad bitch and everyone else will bury their noses in their Metros.

Then follow this up with a detailed complaint to the bus company, including the response of their driver, good or otherwise, and the police.

limitedperiodonly · 26/04/2012 13:46

Sorry. I thought you were a commuter but it appears it's a one-off journey.

If that's the case it's too late now but the rest of my advice stands otherwise these people will just carry on doing it.

Original poster

letsgoflyakite · 26/04/2012 15:21

Well, I went to my local police station.

They had to inform the top-dog due to the nature of the crime. Then I had to have a 2-way conversation with a officer on the phone and the lady at the desk in the police station.

The lady on the phone wanted someone from the station to interview me there and then. The lady on the desk said it wasn't possible.

So they are coming to see me (at work) on Saturday. I don't know if 'they' are the Met or the local police.

But anyway, I have reported it. I didn't want to NOT report it after I had done some thinking, but it wasn't being made easy. I'm sure its not that unusual for a situation like this.... you know, someone on a train gets their bag stolen and they have to travel 200 miles away to report it because the local police aren't interested.

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 26/04/2012 15:26

Well done and thanks.

AWomanCalledHorse · 26/04/2012 15:34

Met Police and other services use different crime reporting systems.
It's almost impossible to transfer the info, unless you get a print out and type it out (which is obv. the easy option), to get a print out of a report (even one that you've made) you have to get permission, have the correct access to print out the report and then have it faxed over to a station who has the man power to deal with it....there are fewer and fewer stations with the ability to view CCTV (it's expensive to upgrade the equipment to Met health&safety approved tv's/dvd players) and even fewer officers with the time to do it.

It's absolute shit but the people in-charge are ruining everything for decent coppers, victims, witnesses.

Well done for taking the effort to report it, sorry it's been a PITA.

MissFaversham · 26/04/2012 15:40

Yes, Let's well done indeed.

Original poster

letsgoflyakite · 26/04/2012 16:20

I hope they find the pervert.

He was the only person who used the toilet more than once, and therefore the man using the toilet more than once on CCTV was the man who did it!

I also told the coach company, and within about 10 minutes of my in-person report, the managing director rang me to appologise. He is personally looking at the CCTV from the coach, and will be putting together a file so that when the police contact them, he will have then information ready to hand over.

I am just so relieved I am not a 14 year girl. (and also relieved that he didn't follow me home!)

OP posts:

gordyslovesheep · 26/04/2012 16:54

Good for you - without saying anything revealing a friend reported a client for this a few years back - no action was taken but he did it again recently, in front of children, they said it was an 'accident' and he had never done it before - they had my friends statement on record and so this time they charged him - had she not repotrted it he would have got off again

Calamityboo · 26/04/2012 17:06

Well done, glad you got something sorted, I am surprised the police made it so bloody difficult, but sorted now! And the bus company are cooperating too :)

IvanaNap · 26/04/2012 17:10

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn as this poster has privacy concerns.

huntersmum · 26/04/2012 18:44

The same thing happened to me many years ago when on a train. The man opposite attracted my attention and I looked over to see him fully exposed. There were a few other people in the carriage but no - one could see what was happening so I stood up and shouted 'there's a man here exposing himself to me - please find the guard'. Someone brought the guard along, who telephoned ahead to the next station which happened to be the last stop. When we arrived there were two policemen - one took a statement from me and the other took the man away. The next day I had a call from the police - the man had appeared in court that same day (it was an early train) and had been fined £110. This was 30 years ago so was quite a bit in those days. I have told my daughter to do the same in a similar situation.

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