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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman is rude, or am I being over sensitive?

22 replies

Monkley · 26/04/2012 11:06

I am learning a complementary therapy in a small group of four women, we study two mornings a week and get on well, it is very informal.

Last week I needed to leave an hour early so sent a message to our teacher to say I would need to leave an hour early to look after DS and was that ok, she simply replied "no, not ok, but do I have a choice?" I was a bit surprised and embarrassed by this response.

This week arrived at the class yesterday 20 minutes before it was due to start, we usually get there at about 10 minutes before but I was early as it was torrential rain and had a lift form DH on his way to work. She opened the door and snapped "do you know what the time is?" I offered to go away and come back Blush...

During the lesson we were doing some practical work and there wasn't much space, I went the wrong way around the woman I was practicing on and so me and the other student who was practising ended up getting in each others way. It really wasn't a big deal but she gave me quite a talking down afterwards, it was very humiliating and the other student even pointed out it hadn't been a problem.. I felt quite upset for the rest of the day.

Our teacher is fairly elderly, around 75 I would say so maybe it is the way teachers spoke to students when she was younger? Most of teh time she is lovely and very laid back.

AIBU and over sensitive?

OP posts:
HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 26/04/2012 11:09

I would say to her 'I think that's very rude' each time she speaks to you badly. or you could try the Mumsnet classic 'Did you mean to sound so rude?'

Flubba · 26/04/2012 11:10

God, no! She's rude! Is she like that to the other students too, or are you blessed with her special treatment?

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 26/04/2012 11:10

Also, did you pay for your course? You should point out to her that you are the customer!

maddening · 26/04/2012 11:10

are you paying her?

thisisyesterday · 26/04/2012 11:11

yanbu

i would opt out and go elsewhere!

comedycentral · 26/04/2012 11:12

Bloody hell OP she sounds very mean! How many lessons do you have left?

Original poster
Monkley · 26/04/2012 11:12

Yes I am paying. She is usually very nice and friendly which in a way make sit all the worse when she says odd snappy things...

OP posts:
Guadalupe · 26/04/2012 11:13

Completely inappropriate to be that rude to you.

takeonboard · 26/04/2012 11:13

She is rude, regardless of her age and I would call her on it unless she speaks to everyone that way in which case i would find another course!

LadyBeagleEyes · 26/04/2012 11:18

Your'e paying her, you are her client.
Why would you put up with this?
Very rude IMO.
What is the course BTW?

manicbmc · 26/04/2012 11:20

You're paying for this abuse?

Not her concern if you needed to leave early, so long as you have paid her what's her gripe?

SecondRow · 26/04/2012 11:25

So if there are four students and you each practise on the other, did your leaving an hour early inconvenience the whole group? In other words was there a reason why it was "not ok" in her view, although she did not spell it out?

Sometimes it may be unavoidable that you have inconvenienced other people, but then just maybe you have to suck it up if they let you know you have?

humpdebump · 26/04/2012 11:28

Without doubt she is rude. I agree, be direct and call her on it in the nicest, politest way you can muster if she does it again, highlighting her rudeness. It is unnecessary to talk like that to an adult student! She does sound a bit old school and probably doesn't understand how difficult it can be to juggle things (my old relative is always harping on about how all the neighbours helped each other out with childcare etc)

CaptainVonTrapp · 26/04/2012 11:28

Do what Hex said. She is rude. Call her on it. "Yes I know what time it is, do you? Is there a problem? If you would you like me to come back say so, do you speak to your patients like this?"

HeathRobinson · 26/04/2012 11:30

Very rude.
As for the arriving early, what's the big deal? Couldn't she just show you into the room to sit and wait out of the rain? Better to be early than late.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 26/04/2012 12:02

It seems like there's no pleasing her; you have to leave early and miss some of a lesson and she's unhappy; you arrive extra early to ensure you don't miss any of a lesson and she's unhappy. You make a very very minor mistake, which is totally understandable given that you are training and she berates you on it.

It sounds as though she is picking on you because she 'can', and just for the sake of it. I think you really do need to take her to task on it. If she has a go at you again, look at her in the eye, with a vague smile and say 'There's no need for this, thank you' in a firm tone. Then change the subject and carry on. You have basically nipped it in the bud and shown her that as far as you are concerned the conversation is over and there is no discussion about it, you just will not be treated that way. With the text, if she sends any others like it, reply with 'I would prefer it if you would be upfront if there is a problem. The text you have just sent was rude'.

When you confront her, she will undoubtedly go off like a bottle of pop and pull the 'poor me' card and try to turn it round onto you, as passive aggressive individuals like her often do, but just keep smiling assertively, keep polite and set boundaries as to how you are prepared to be spoken to/treated

shadowland · 26/04/2012 12:09

If the teacher has been friendly in the past...I wonder if anything has happened to her to have made her irritable and rude? There is a saying about us never knowing what is really going on in people's lives. Before confronting her, might it be useful to try and ask gently if she is OK? MUCH easier said than done, I know. But just thought I should add this perspective. It's horrible to be on the receiving end of cutting comments, I know...and I'm sorry this has happened to you.

MackerelOfFact · 26/04/2012 12:18

She might have early stage dementia if she's 75 and makes these rude, out-of-character remarks. Often that is the first symptom.

Obviously that doesn't really help you though!

mayaswell · 26/04/2012 12:27

Find another group. Life's too short for that kind of crap. Aren't complementary therapies about wellness and healing?

kittyandthefontanelles · 26/04/2012 12:38

It's not just rude but very bad practice. Complain to her superior. Ofsted would have a field day with that lot. There are guidelines with regard to how to speak to students based on individual needs, respect and motivation. Sounds like she's lacking in all.

valiumredhead · 26/04/2012 12:56

'Did you mean to be so rude?' very pointedly might do the trick.

Adayforthinking · 26/04/2012 13:01

Very very rude - YANBU!

She needs to watch it because if it is regular to do practical work and there are only 4 of you in a class and you work in 2s, if you decided not to go back she'd be right up the creek!

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