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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be totally confused with our Legal Aid system?

20 replies

mummytowillow · 25/04/2012 21:50

I went to see a solicitor today to see if I can get help to sort out contact problems with my daughters dad. We did the Legal Aid assessment and she said I had too much disposable income, so don't qualify!

It was worked out I have £953 disposable income, I bloody wish, I wouldn't be constantly asking my parents for help with money if I had that much!

She only asked about my rent, child maintenance, child benefit and tax credits? Nothing about bills, council tax, etc? I don't pay childcare as I work part time.

However, I've been on two different legal aid calculators, even one the solicitor fills in and it says I do qualify ....? She also said they take the housing benefit I get off my rent when it calculated, but I read it different on the calculator as it said housing benefit is disreguarded for this purpose.

She also 'assumed' I was on income support and I said no I work actually! (I know I was being sensitive)!!

If I have to pay for my legal advice its £145 an hour, which I don't have the money for

So I'm left with a daughter who is so sad because her Daddy keeps letting her down and does nothing but mess us about, and I can't do anything about it?

Any words of wisdom please?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 25/04/2012 21:53

Sorry to hear that

But would her Dad let her down any less if you took him to court?

Original poster

mummytowillow · 25/04/2012 21:54

He's taking advantage of me, so I don't think he would let it get to court, he just needs a right royal kick up the bum? I hope

OP posts:

Kladdkaka · 25/04/2012 21:55

What do you want to achieve? Getting a solicitor involved won't turn your ex into a reliable father I'm afraid.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 25/04/2012 21:56

No words of wisdom, sorry. for you though, the legal aid system is crap. They may as well have scrapped legal aid altogether it's so impossible to get.

ishopthereforeiam · 25/04/2012 21:57

Hi there, some areas have pro boon legal drop in centres / free representation units where lawyers volunteer their ti e. You could try check g if there are any in your area? They'll be able to give you some pointers at least.

Good luck!

squeakytoy · 25/04/2012 21:58

Is there any point in forcing someone to see a child that they dont want to see.

Its hard for your daughter, but surely you would rather she only be with him IF he wants to see her, not if he is forced to see her.

Original poster

mummytowillow · 25/04/2012 22:00

Oh gawd, I want him to realise he's distressing his little girl, that I won't roll over everytime he changes dates and expects me to 'accommodate' him for the next one he deems suitable?

I want him to stop messing us both around and I want to be strong enough to tell him I'm not willing to accept his s**t anymore

I have been told no court in the land can 'make' him see his daughter, but he does want to see her, but all on his terms, he cancels last minute so I have to cancel all my plans etc.

The solicitor told me there is a limited amount of things we can do, but felt a letter may give him a kick up the butt?

OP posts:

velkomin · 25/04/2012 22:03

post on legal matters rather than AIBU. You may get some advice there.

squeakytoy · 25/04/2012 22:05

so dont roll over, let him be the one who goes to a solicitor..

I dont think it is legal aid you need, it is self confidence to stand up to him and tell him how it is going to be...

Make arrangements to drop your daughter at her grandparents (his parents) if that is possible, and then if he changes his plans or lets her down, your plans are not disrupted.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 25/04/2012 22:07

I agree post in legal. I can understand why you want legal advice, it sounds like you just want to get him to stick to definate times for contact. The best that is likely to happen if you go for it is that he will know if he lets you down, he's missed out until the next official date.

Kladdkaka · 25/04/2012 22:08

To be honest, I think you'd be wasting your money. They can't make him turn up.

Cashncarry · 25/04/2012 22:09

Sorry to hear you had a bad experience today - sounds like the solicitor's spot on in my (now slightly out of date) experience - the Legal Services Commission (LSC) who run the scheme are very particular in the rules they set out to solicitors undertaking first assessments for Legal Aid and if it's granted where it shouldn't have been, they don't even get their very meagre fees for pre-court advice.

If you were to want to issue an application at court, you'd have to go through a much more intense financial application sent off to the LSC which takes ages and it's more than likely that you'd be refused just because they don't consider there to be any merit in resident parents issuing applications for contact (unless it's alongside another application like one for a prohibited steps order/non molestation order).

It does suck though - especially as the way the system works, it tends to penalise working mums on a small income because the deductible expenses don't cover household bills/council tax etc. It's only going to get worse in the future as apparently the law is set to change to make the rules for legal aid even more stringent and will only be available in the most extreme circumstances.

Putting aside whether it's worth taking your ex to court, have you thought about self-representing? It's quite straightforward to issue your own application - your local court can provide you with the forms and help you fill them in (although they can't advise you). It might give your ex the kick up the bum he needs!

Original poster

mummytowillow · 25/04/2012 22:10

OK thanks, will cut and paste to Legal

OP posts:

emsyj · 25/04/2012 22:11

I don't think it's fair or reasonable to use legal aid money (which is limited) to pay a solicitor to send a letter to give your ex a 'kick up the bum'. It should be there to help people who are in real need of proper legal advice and representation IMO.

But YANBU to be confused by it - sounds like a nightmare.

Original poster

mummytowillow · 25/04/2012 22:20

Sorry you feel that way 'emsyj' but I do need 'proper legal advice and representation' as my little girl is distraught, making herself ill, losing weight etc because of the way her dad treats us. You don't know all facts!

I'm not after a free ride, I work, pay tax and have never been unemployed, I just think its confusing and don't understand why it doesn't take bills into consideration!

OP posts:

malevolentpsammead · 25/04/2012 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cashncarry · 25/04/2012 22:23

tbh with you emsyj, I'd much rather have had a client like mummytowillow than a string of deadbeat dads on jsa who had nothing better to do than use the legal aid system to harass the (usually perfectly reasonable) mothers of their children.

emsyj · 26/04/2012 12:10

If there is something the legal system can do to help the OP then that's fair enough - but it rather sounds to me like she wants to 'teach him a lesson' for being a shit father, which I doubt the legal system will be able to help her with. As others have said, nobody can force him to comply with a contact order.

I would have thought the OP would do better spending her time and energy focussing on helping her DD to come to terms with the fact that she has a poor relationship with her father rather than dragging the father through the courts - speaking as someone who has a father EXACTLY like this and who showed me zero attention whilst growing up and with whom I now have no contact because he doesn't give a shit. I don't personally believe that the court system would have helped things for me, but each to their own. If the OP thinks it will help then fair enough.

emsyj · 26/04/2012 12:13

PS Cashncarry my preference would be to have a client who is realistic about what the legal system can achieve and who is following good advice and common sense in pursuing a particular case - but I've never done family work or legal aid work (way too stressful).

2rebecca · 26/04/2012 12:43

How old is your daughter? If the lack of regular visits is upsetting your daughter and she is young then you maybe have to be stricter re telling him that agreed contact times are non negotiable for you and if he can't make a session he waits until the next one unless an emergency has come up. You have your daughter living with you, you actually hold most of the cards. He can't mess you around unless you let him.
If he frequently doesn't turn up then downplay times he may come. if your daughter is very young maybe don't mention he is coming if he often cancels or DNAs at the last minute.
If she is older say "your dad may come today but you know what he's like it may be next week before you see him".
He can only mess you around if you let him.
Start making plans so that if he hasn't turned up within an hour of his time without letting you know then you go out. If he recurrently rings at the last minute to say he'll be an hour late then say "that's not convenient, I'm going out you'll have to wait until next week" He'll soon get the message.
My ex and I have never had this sort of hassle and never needed solicitors for contact. We both know that we are busy people though and if we don't turn up when we say we'll turn up then the kids may not be there and the other person and the kids will be pissed off.

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