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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about the cake I made my colleague/friend

26 replies

SydSaid · 25/04/2012 14:28

My friend has been off work with stress for a while.

I took a cake in to work ages ago, maybe 2 or 3 years ago, and she loved it and raved about it (coffee and walnut). She asked me to make her one for her birthday a few months later, which I did, and she and her friend posted up rave reviews on facebook about it.

Since she was off I thought I would make her another one, as it's the only cake she's ever really raved about. She accepted it, but didn't really say thank you.

The following day she posts on Facebook about the yummy Sara Lee cheesecake she had for pudding. Further down someone says 'thanks for the coffee and walnut cake', and she replies 'that's ok, I wouldn't have been able to eat it all'.

Now, I'm okay with her giving some of it away, but I am a bit hacked off for a) the lack of thanks, b) the fact that she didn't acknowledge the fact that I had made it on facebook and c) she can't eat the cake but she can have sara lee frigging cheesecake?

If she hadn't raved about it initially, I wouldn't be bothered, because she might just not like coffee and walnut cake, but AIBU to be a bit pissed off?

OP posts:
anniemcphee · 25/04/2012 14:39

YABU - in that you say she didn't acknowledge on Facebook that you'd made it. So? I don't see why that offended you, you could have posted "glad you enjoyed it ladies" under their comments.
I love chocolate cake (my egg free one is lush) but after a slice I don't want another, but fancy a cream egg instead. Maybe she just fancied a gooey pudding not cake? There isn't a law against fancying somthing diffrent.
The lack of thanks could well be a missunderstanding?! If she didn't say thanks at all then YANBU, but even a small "thanks" is a thanks.
If it really bothers you ask her "Did you enjoy the cake I made for you?"
Although given she is off with stress I would leave it, she clearly has more on her mind than wether or not she thankd you properly.

MissBeehivingUnderTheMistletoe · 25/04/2012 14:50

YABU but that's just on the basis of FB, really, which is the diivil's own work Grin

Pandemoniaa · 25/04/2012 14:54

YABU - and, I fear, over-thinking this. She hasn't rejected your cake, merely shared some of it. Which is what you do with big cakes isn't it? It would have been polite to thank you for making the cake, mind. But don't get bothered over a Facebook comment that seems to be perfectly harmless and minus any agenda whatsoever.

valiumredhead · 25/04/2012 14:54

She probably gave her friend a slice to take home - friend obviously liked it! FB is crap for making you see things that aren't there.

Fireandashes · 25/04/2012 15:15

Did you make the cake as a nice thing for your friend when she's down, or so you'd feel good about yourself and get some reflected FB kudos/glory? I'm sure your impulse was probably the former, but it's coming over a little bit as the latter.

Stress/depression does funny things to people and there might be a number of very valid reasons why she wasn't effusively grateful. She might have treated herself to a C&W cake the day before to try and cheer herself up and felt a bit overwhelmed at another one but was too polite to say so. She might be feeling in a bit of a 'bubble' and distant/divorced from other people so her responses are more muted than usual - it's a very selfish condition and this is quite a common symptom. She might be on tablets which alters her sense of taste so a creamy cheesecake is fine but a C&W cake makes her feel a bit sick.

YABalittlebitU

redwineformethanks · 25/04/2012 15:45

She shared some of your delicious cake instead of keeping it too long and throwing some of it away. That's OK surely

ExitPursuedByABear · 25/04/2012 15:51

People post on FB about the puddings they eat Confused

Fireandashes · 25/04/2012 15:57

Exit Of course - it's one of the few times I can be guaranteed to get some responses! And reading about my friends' pudding-related indulgences makes me feel less like a greedy heifer with no calorific self-control.

I posted a photo of a cake I made once, but that was mainly because my cake-making activities are sighted about as frequently as Halley's Comet so I wanted photographic evidence.

AChickenCalledKorma · 25/04/2012 16:03

Maybe she prefers cheesecake to coffee and walnut. Now you know. Don't take it personally.

boringnickname · 25/04/2012 16:05

YABU i guess, but id be upset and certainly not make her another!!

idontbelieveanymore · 25/04/2012 16:07

YABVVVU

However, I would feel exactly the same. Make another one, eat it all yourself and then RAVE about it on fb. Smile

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 25/04/2012 16:11

The only thing I'd be hacked off about is the lack of thanks. The rest ?forget it. Life's too short.

Can I pm you my address for a coffee-and-walnut-cake delivery? Smile I will NOT neglect to say thank-you.

idontbelieveanymore · 25/04/2012 16:35

Me too - I will slap it all over FB for you i promise Wink

Original poster
SydSaid · 25/04/2012 16:55

Yeah, I thought I was being unreasonable :( - but I'm glad so many of you guys are being so nice about it! You can come and have some cake any time :D

It's not that I'm looking for glory, it really isn't. If it hadn't of been mentioned on FB that would have been fine - but I just think that if I'd been given something that I'd subsequently given away, and if the person I'd given it to mentioned it on Facebook - where the person that gave it could see it - I'd acknowledge their part in it, as I wouldn't want them to think I was hiding the fact that a) I'd given some of it away and b) it wasn't me that made it.

Thanks though, for kicking me up the bum when I needed it :)

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 25/04/2012 16:59

At least someone had the manners to say thank you for it Wink

QuietNinjaKnowsNotWhatToDo · 25/04/2012 17:05

I fucking love cake. My friend made me an amazing cake for my 30th. Victoria sponge but some of that cream stuff in the middle as well as jam
And little icing thingys all round it and then piled high on top was a load of sweets, marshmallows, flying saucers. Bloody amazing totally outed myself
Sorry op have nothing constructive to add just wanted to tell you about my cake.

Original poster
SydSaid · 25/04/2012 17:08

Wow, that sounds amazing. Do you think she would swap for a coffee and walnut cake? ;)

Soupdragon, thats true - hadn't thought of it that way!

OP posts:
aquafunf · 25/04/2012 17:48

errrmmmm

if she is off with stress, is it not possible that she is suffering from depression? maybe her responses are slightly off, but you are supposed to be her friend.

valiumredhead · 25/04/2012 17:59

I fucking love cake Grin

Original poster
SydSaid · 25/04/2012 19:27

no, she isn't depressed. She is stressed. And she texted today to say that she will be back at work on Monday.
aquafunf - what part of what I said indicated I am not her friend? Baking the cake, visiting her, or thinking that friends generally appreciate nice gestures?

OP posts:
Cherriesarelovely · 25/04/2012 19:43

coffee and walnut cake? That sounds absolutely gorgeous, I am going to be craving that all evening now!

pethaubach · 25/04/2012 19:49

YABU, a bit. Over thinking it. You sounds like a lovely firend though Smile

DublinMammy · 25/04/2012 19:54

YABU but she is being a fool not to thank you profusely. Send me one and I will show how to dribble with gratitude... or just post the recipe please???

schoolgovernor · 25/04/2012 20:40

Do you really mean she didn't really say thankyou? Not at all, or was her thanks just not profuse enough? I can't really see the problem, there's no law that people have to say thanks of Facebook, and I don't see why she shouldn't give a bit to someone else.

porcamiseria · 25/04/2012 22:13

she likes cake eh?
no more for cake for her tho, ungrateful biatch