Seriously £700 AIBU

[wakeupandsmellthecoffee]

Was I BU to tell my work collegue that I thought £700 was a bit much to pay a sleep specialist to sort a programme out for their 18 month old baby to get to sleep.
I truly believe this is madness. She has told me they cant afford this money but are desperate for sleep.
Im afraid I told her COD style (LOL) that they as a couple had caused this problem not the baby and to get a back bone and sort it out. That they didnt have to do controlled crying as she truly cant cope with the stress of it but to be strong and do it Tanya Byron style.
Has anyone got any further advice . ? As it now seems the husband wants to talk to me . They dont want to pay but they want sleep it seems.

wakeup..i did all that for 5 fucking years and he still didnt sleep for any longer than 2 hours at a time......

some kids just dont sleep.

vallum it bothers me because £700 is a piss take . Ive said dont do controlled crying if it bothers you .
Try and do it in a calm way . Its not the babys fault . And think how good it will feel for you as a parent if and the word being if you can sort this out yourself. I will say try the health visitor and reccomend the books .

Or I could tell her that some kids dont sleep like tightwads and so she would still be wasting her money. either way £700 is a major piss take.

as for all the 'you caused the problem' wtaf is that all about? do you know what they normally do to get their child to sleep?

we have done all you suggested - it worked on DS for, ooh, about 2 months. then he stopped sleeping again, and nothing seems to work to get him back to decent sleep.

he is better now than he was at 18 months, but there is no guarantee of good sleep from him. Even my mum, who was a CM for a while, and who raised 4 kids herself, has said he clearly just is not a natural sleeper. It's shit, but tough really.

I agree with some of the comments above - its easy to be all high and mighty about what a marvellous parent you are when you've never had problems with a child sleeping. I have 3 DC - one was an ok sleeper, one terrible, one great. Another friend with 3 has told me that after her first 2 were great sleepers she was very complacent and self congratulatory about how well she and her DH had dealt with it all. Then she had no3 and isn't quite so glib and free with her amazing tips.

Also agree with vallium - why are you do interested? Because believe me, when you have a non sleeping child, there's not much worse than "perfect" parents telling you where you're going wrong.

If I thought £700 would get my ds sleeping I might be tempted.

Op you are a good egg, they can't afford the money but are at breaking point. Obviously I can't give any advice but will look forward to your advice

When mega sleep deprived I would have paid £700 to a sleep consultant - not for advice but for them to look after DC for a weekend while I slept at a hotel - that would have been worth it.

tooscary its no more shamefull than being ripped of for £700 . At least I am not taking money I am trying to make them see that hopefully they can do this . They are inteligent people . They are not stupid . If the baby will sleep they can do it . And if the baby is like tightwads than no amount of sleep consultancy is going to help

WHO IS TANYA BYRON AND WHAT IS HER SECRET?

please...i need sleep too
sleep boards??????

Poor parents.

Some kids just don't fecking sleep well - my DS is one of them! I think has lack of needing sleep is part of his autism (wasn't diagnosed until 3 and even then not officially until 7). Patronising twats well meaning people telling me how to get my child to sleep made me even more demoralised and desperate than I was to begin with. I tried it all, everything - and so did my smug mum who had had 3 good sleepers and thought she was some super-expert in childrearing. She later admitted defeat and sheepishly admitted she'd just been lucky with her kids.

If this person is a friend why not offer some practical help, give them some of your time so they can catch up on sleep or housework. If this person is not a friend butt out and leave them to it.

wakeup,appreciate u are trying to save df money, but what u suggest,while reasonable, will not always work. Don't you think she has tried all that?

OP yanbu that 700 is a huge amount if they honestly haven't tried what you're suggesting but yabu to have been so mean and tell them it's their fault. For all you know they have tried and it's still not working. Sure it worked for your child but they don't all come out of the same mould, you know. Some kids are harder to get into a sleep pattern than others. If the textbook stuff worked for yours just be grateful and use a little compassion for those who weren't blessed with the same good fortune. The advice you gave was good, but it should have been delivered with a bit more kindness and respect.

Baby is 18 months. I dont think patting and retreating will work... DS went through a tough sleep phase around 18 months. Gradual retreat did not work - he would be all about what I was doing. No lights either.

As I've said before, sleep is not a continuous journey of improvement. Gets better, gets worse, gets better etc until they get older.

At 18 months though, DS could understand a bit, so I could say night night, time to sleep, mummy will be back then leave the room. He'd shout for me, I'd wait ten mins, go back in, cuddle, lay down and he'd go to sleep. If he cried, I'd go straight back in. Didn't stop his night wakings - that was a lot down to teething with molars though as if I gave calpol, he'd sleep for 6 hours, wake, I'd give more, he'd sleep again after it kicked in. I couldn't do CC on a young baby though - with DS, he had an idea of what I meant.

wakeup, i absolutely agree that £700 is allot of money and also agree with whoever mentioned charletons ripping folk off.

But really desperate measures, desperate dark nights.

Still smiling about the COD reference, i miss COD and her Cosisms...

Controlled crying didnt work for us....left to his own devices my DS can and still will cry for hours and hours on end.

Hopefully it will work for them and it will be the best £700 they have ever spent! Not all babies/toddlers are the same and just because a certain way works for one doesnt mean it will work for another.

If she is really desperate and does want to use a sleep nanny (I've been there and it is grim), Maybe you could recommend she uses this one instead? They are much cheaper. We used them at the height of desperation - also didn't want to do controlled crying and they were amazing. YOu can have someone come to your house but we chose the telephone consultation and support option. I can't remember but it was under 100 pounds. They listened and came up with a plan for my child and my family and it worked amazingly. Best money I have ever spent.

Well people pay that for a holiday.

"CODisms" meant to say...

sleep boards

a place to come and cry together.

I will send her to the sleep boards though.
When I said this was her fault I meant as in . All the programmes the parent always wants to blame the child /baby for the problem but maybe she is not doing the hopefully right things to settle the baby . Hell for all I know she could be playing heavy metal rock music to get the baby to sleep. All I was saying was dont blame the child and look for ways to hopefully solve the problem.

Setting aside the issue of the cost for one moment. As someone whose third child was a terrible sleeper whose first 2 years I can barely remember from sleep deprivation, if someone had told me that had caused this and to get a backbone and sort it out I would be getting some lovely lovely sleep in prison when I was sent there for exacting some horrible retribution on you.

ditto tooscary :o

hope your friend gets some sleep one way or another wakeup