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Original poster

Is flirting with a ex cheating ?

27 replies

Hai1988 · 25/04/2012 12:42

Hey all

As the title asks really

Just wanted to ask is flirting with someone spesificaly a ex cheating?

Was debating this topic with some girlfriends the other day and just wanted your oponions really to help settle something.

In person or is it not so bad via txt/im?

Have already posted in chat but new I would get a bigger response here

OP posts:
Mabelface · 25/04/2012 12:49

Technically, no, but it's not something I would be happy or comfortable with. It shows a lack of respect for your current partner.

EdithWeston · 25/04/2012 12:52

Depends what you mean by flirting.

If it is something mild that you would do in front of your partner/mother/children then I'd say it was OK. If not, then it's wrong whether you describe it as actual cheating or not.

Original poster
Hai1988 · 25/04/2012 12:54

will she is keeping it from her OH, he doesn't even know there in contact again.
Friend has told her this is dangerous but she doesn't seem to want to listen as she says she enjoys chatting/flirting with him

OP posts:
SquishyCinnamonSwirls · 25/04/2012 12:56

If she's keeping it from her OH then of course it's wrong.
I guess it's not technically cheating but I'd be unhappy about it if it were me.

thebody · 25/04/2012 13:04

But where will it lead.??? Sex I suspect missus

CaramelFreddo · 25/04/2012 13:04

what Madlizzy said.

MrsMuddyPuddles · 25/04/2012 13:06

It depends on the boundaries set for the relationship though I would raise an eyebrow/red flag at a partner who grumbled all the time about flirting, do they have a point or is this the tip of a controlling iceberg?, and whether it's "flirting with intent" or just being light and sweet and casual (e.g. what you'd be happy to do in front of your partner/daughter/ mother as EdithWeston says, or behaviour that you'd be happy to watch your partner do with another woman).

Original poster
Hai1988 · 25/04/2012 15:31

what do you mean on the boundaries set for the relationship?

OP posts:
MrsMuddyPuddles · 25/04/2012 15:43

If you and your partner agree that flirting is ok, then it's ok. If one of you really doesn't like it/is jealous and insecure and doesn't want to see it, then it's not ok and is cheating. It's all in terms of what you agree, and if you do something beyond that agreement, you've cheated.

Kinda like how watching porn is cheating if it's not part of the agreement, but is totally fine and aceptable if both partners say it is.

Fireandashes · 25/04/2012 15:48

I'd be more concerned by the lying by omission in that she hasn't told her OH she's back in contact with her ex than by the 'format' of the flirting. Unless OH is a pathologically jealous control freak who hates her having any contact with another man, there wouldn't be any reason to hide it if it were entirely innocent.

runningforthebusinheels · 25/04/2012 16:16

I wouldn't say flirting with an ex is cheating no, but it could certainly be the precursor to cheating. That would be my problem with it.

I would be really really upset if my dh flirted with someone else, whether in my company or not. And I certainly don't flirt with anyone else - I wouldn't see it as harmless fun at all.

Debsbear · 25/04/2012 16:30

I would see any contact with anyone that is delibrately kept from a partner as a betrayal. Not a good sign for a relationship.

DinahMoHum · 25/04/2012 16:33

yes it is

HecateTrivia · 25/04/2012 16:42

If you are having a relationship with someone (even if it's only flirting) and you are actively hiding it from your partner - you're cheating.

imo, it's the intent/act of hiding/deceiving that makes it cheating.

runningforthebusinheels · 25/04/2012 16:46

Just seen your second post there - yes, I agree the secrecy makes it cheating.

gobbledegook1 · 25/04/2012 16:47

Depends. Me n my DP are both flirty types, we both know that about each other we will both do it in front of each other because we both know its a bit of harmless fun and not flirting with intent to do anything and usually so do those we do it with and we trust each other. Hiding it means there is something to hide, you know you've gone too far or you know your partner won't like it in which case you shouldn't be doing it for his sake.

Not sure about with an ex I think even we would draw the line there, an ex is usually an ex for a very good reason and flirting with them would imply perhaps you still had feelings for them but then I generally struggle with the concept of being 'friends' with ex's as if you got on so well why break up!?

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 25/04/2012 16:49

The secrecy and the fact that she wants it to be a secret makes it cheating, at least emotionally. I'd be devestated if my dh was getting a cheap thrill out of flirting with an ex, and he woud be the same if it were me. Doing anything that you know will upset the person who you are supposed to love is wrong, even if they don't find out.

tinkertitonk · 25/04/2012 17:25

Anything is cheating if your partner thinks it is.

QuacksForDoughnuts · 25/04/2012 17:48

Really, anything? If your partner thinks that merely interacting with a person of your preferred gender is cheating then it is? This would of course rule out speaking to or looking at at least half the population, or any adult if you're bi.

Flirting with an ex, I wouldn't say it is cheating in itself, but it isn't great relationship behaviour...

Original poster
Hai1988 · 26/04/2012 07:08

.

OP posts:
MsPaperbackWriter · 26/04/2012 07:16

I really dont like flirty type people - especially when they are in relationships, they are embarrassing and come across as odious and creepy. Flirting in a relationship is wrong and disrespectful and what your mate is doing is really out of order.

Original poster
Hai1988 · 26/04/2012 10:51

I agree its not my mate, but a mate of a mate iykwim

OP posts:
ChaoticAngel · 26/04/2012 11:14

It could be classed as an emotional affair. Whether you class it as cheating or not it is unacceptable behaviour.

Paiviaso · 26/04/2012 11:46

No it isn't, but I suppose it could descend into an emotional affair or physical affair.

I think this is one of those things that completely depend on the situation, and the attitudes of the couple involved.

DucketyDuckDuck · 26/04/2012 12:00

The fact that you asking the question, I would say shows that you know there is something abit dodgy about it.

Cheating doesn't have to be physical

Only you can really answer the question, its your relationship.

In mine, it would be - yes.

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