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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect my husband to actually sort our son out?

44 replies

MrsHelsBels74 · 25/04/2012 12:36

Am possibly BU but am tired, pregnant & grumpy. Our son woke up at 4:45 this morning & as I wasn't feeling well I asked my husband to see to him. He went in, gave him a cuddle but no milk or anything, despite son asking for milk & a nappy change. When son wouldn't settle he brought him into our bed. He still wouldn't settle so my husband's solution was to put him in his cot saying, in a raised voice, 'it's sleepy time because Daddy's tired' & come back to bed. In the end son was still crying so I got up with him. AIBU to actually expect my husband to actually do what was needed to settle our son?

OP posts:

solidgoldbrass · 25/04/2012 13:31

You need to make sure that this isn't going to be the future pattern ie that you do all the night wakings. There's a very simple formula to sort out whether your relationship is equal or not: if it is, both parties have the same amount of leisure time, regardless of how many hours a week each adult spends in paid employment. So you should be taking turns with night wakings and the man should be doing a good few hours of domestic work and childcare each week as a matter of routine.

mmmerangue · 25/04/2012 13:34

SolidGold - what's leisure time?

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 25/04/2012 13:39

I've mentioned on another thread today that I ensure now that I take equal leisure time to DH, right down to the minute if necessary. Dh has always had a lot of hobbies, which is fine, but it was getting so that I was looking after the DCs singlehandedly every saturday from 11am until at least 10pm whilst he did cricket. I got a bit fed up with it so I started going out for an equal amount of time on the Sunday; shopping with friends/out for tea/cinema in evening, that kind of thing.

DH soon cottoned onto this meaning we had no family time so dropped his cricket to every other Saturday, meaning then that the Saturdays he didn't play I had my 'me' time and we had Sundays as a family.

ChitChatFlyingby · 25/04/2012 13:44

Why didn't you ask you 'did you give him a milk and change his nappy?' from bed rather than getting up yourself?

I'd have been tempted to get said nappy and milk, throw them at DH, hand him DS and get back into bed with a snide 'sort it PROPERLY'.

Mrbojangles1 · 25/04/2012 13:48

This is a age old problem sadly it gets worse my son is 13 and still even now if ds asks oh for anything he says ask your mum

Or calls me and says ds wants to ask you somthing it grates because usually I am busy and he could of delt with it gurrr

Any mum who can solve this will be very rich doing the speech womens circuit

ChitChatFlyingby · 25/04/2012 14:16

Any mum who can solve this will be very rich doing the speech womens circuit

Erm... just don't sort it for them?? Say 'sort it yourself' and hang up, and refuse to hear the request when you get home as it should have already been sorted.

Original poster

MrsHelsBels74 · 25/04/2012 21:14

Thanks everyone. I don't have a problem with people assuming I don't work, I work
part time but to be honest I feel like the time I spend at home with my son is much harder work than going to work ever is!
As to the milk question, normally my son does sleep through well but when he wakes up in the night, to be honest I do whatever I can (short of giving him vodka!) to get him back to sleep as quickly as possible. Maybe I've created a rod for my own back, but it doesn't happen that often
And I told hubby if he ever pulled a stunt like that again I would pee on his side of the bed!

OP posts:

flibbertywidget · 25/04/2012 22:09

Mrs Helsbels.. I urge you to get this sorted now. I have these exact same issues with my DH and now they are embedded and our DD and DS are 5 and 2 half respectively.

My OH hardly ever helps out with anything. We both work full time. Don't worry about the milk thing. Needs must, I had to do the same with my DS. just keep yourself as stressfree as possible

DinahMoHum · 25/04/2012 22:26

annoying but tbh, if he doesnt want to give your nearly 2 year old extra milk and a nappy change in the night, i dont think hes being unreasonable either. He went and comforted him, and then he was firmer when it didnt work.
Do you usually have conflicting parenting styles?

blackteaplease · 26/04/2012 08:29

I do understand the need to get back to sleep asap, that's why dd is still coming into bed with us in the night as it results in sleep all round.

Hope that DH has learnt his lesson and you don't get a repeat. Next time, kick him back out of bed and tell him to deal with ds properly.

AbigailAdams · 26/04/2012 08:38

Dinah, he didn't actually sort anything out though, and ultimately left it to the OP. She has also said he has a complete reluctance to get up in the night regardless. And he could have changed his nappy ffs.

Angry on your behalf OP.

AbigailAdams · 26/04/2012 08:41

How would he have learnt his lesson blackteaplease? All he learnt was he can make a pathetic attempt and OP will come along and sort it. I am not blaming the OP btw as given the choice between your child crying in his cot and giving him dome milk I know what I would choose.

babiesinslingsgetcoveredinfood · 26/04/2012 08:48

I would definitely not be giving a 26 month old milk at that time. It might be an easier answer now, but it definitely won't be when number two comes along. My DD is 27 months and DS is 3 weeks. We made a conscious effort to break any lazy bad habits when I was pregnant. Now she sleeps through her brother's horrendous bouts of 3am wind. She does however get up at 6-6.30...My husband gets up with her then, gets her dressed, breakfasted and runs interference to keep her quiet until he leaves at 7.

I would expect your DH to do more and for you to discuss tactics for encouraging DS not to wake and demand anything at that time.

So YANB totally Unreasonable, but I'd suggest a few changes.

tomverlaine · 26/04/2012 08:49

YANBU- DP does that during the night too- DS will ask for water or something and DP will decide that he doesn't need it so won't get it. eventually (after we are both awake) someone will get it. DP may be right but the fact that his views always involve no action on his part/staying in bed is a little bit too coincidental for me.

Also DS always gets up between 5-5.30 wanting milk - I feed him in bed becasue this means that we can nod off (sometimes) but he doesn't go back to sleep properly - seems the thread thinks this is wrong so solutions welcome!

QuintessentialShadows · 26/04/2012 08:53

Yanbu for wanting your dp to sort him out.

But yabu for not accepting that your dp might do it differently to you.

He might want to cut out eating at night!
Your son is over 2 years old! People dont get up to eat at night! It is good to teach him that night is for sleeping, and that he should go back to sleep without a snack.

blackteaplease · 26/04/2012 08:56

Abigail, it was a tongue in cheek response to the fact that OP has stated she will pee on the bed if he does it again.

AbigailAdams · 26/04/2012 09:21

Sorry

blackteaplease · 26/04/2012 09:22

No need to apologise, I keep getting misread on this thread. I think I should stop posting.

Original poster

MrsHelsBels74 · 26/04/2012 20:30

Quintessentialshadows... he's always given him milk in the past & I suppose I assumed if we were going to change tactics we'd discuss it first rather than him deciding one night to change things. He did admit the next day that he didn't really know why he'd not given him milk.
Luckily son slept through last night so no repeat performances!

OP posts:

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