I had an awkward telephone exchange with My MIL last night, and running it by DH hasn't really helped-either for me to feel better, or make sense of it!
Apologies in advance-for being waaaaay more verbose than I need to be!
It concerns my birthday, which is at the end of May. MIL sometimes gives me a generous cheque in a card, and one or two gifts to open. Or sometimes, it is just one big present. She is lovely and we get along very well. The gifts are always thoughtful, and she can be very generous. I am always very appreciative-even if on a few occasions, particularly in recent years, what she has bought me hasn't really been my thing.
I am of the mindset that if someone wants to buy me a gift then great. I enjoy surprises. It is the thought. Trite-maybe, but true. I feel uncomfortable with people saying "What would you like"....except maybe for DH. MIL never does this, she usually arranges to come round near the date (DH and I usually take the other away somewhere for our birthdays) and gives me whatever she has bought.
A few weeks ago, MIL said, "We need to think about your birthday"....as she is going on holiday in the middle of May. It made me uncomfortable, and I side stepped the issue. I told her (truthfully) that she has done so much for us, and not to worry about it. She insisted she wanted me to think about what I would like. I said I always like what she has given me- (insert small white lie emoticon!)
I have recently booked a week in Rome for me and DD-we fly out on my birthday. DH can't make it due to work commitments, but is cool with us going. I think MIL was taken aback (although not necessarily disapproving) that we were going and leaving DH behind when she phoned and heard it for the first time yesterday.
She then asked me again what I would like for my birthday. I said that if she was stuck for ideas, some money I could use towards my spending money for Rome, would be really helpful-and that DH would be doing so this year. Her tone really changed. There was a bit of a protracted pause, and she said "I'll take it under consideration" in a very clipped manner.....she then went on to say she had picked up a couple of nice but inexpensive things from a second hand designer shop as presents " I won't be offended if you don't like them. Just say, and I will give them to charity" . She is bringing them round on Friday.
I don't get it! Why she would a) ask me what I want when she has clearly already bought a few bits b) be miffed that when pressed, I suggested money would be helpful. I suppose for me, that if I ask someone what they would like for their birthday/Christmas, I don't get offended (maybe sometimes slightly disappointed) if they say money. I'd rather they have something they want/would help than make my focus about the pleasure of choosing.
I feel Like I have committed a major faux pas, but I am not totally clear why. I just wished she'd not asked me, and just proceeded the way she usually does. I feel uncomfortable, but I also feel upset that I have offended her.