In thinking my boyfriend has a boyfriend?

[chipsandmushypeas]

My DP came home last night from a lovely expensive restaurant where he had wined and dined with his friend.
This morning, while in the bath he said they're going for a walk in the park on Saturday and then for lunch after checking out a new gym that's opened.
He also announced hat his friend wants them to go on a relaxing holiday in June together.

Well am I?!

Bit of background, we've been together 3 years, live together and I'm pregnant with our first so will be 4 months gone in June, which isn't a problem I guess.

I was having a nose through DH's leaving card from his job this week. His BBF had signed it "From your hairy second wife"

Although technically I'm the OW as they were living together with a mortgage when I came along.

My dh went on holiday with his friend for a week once, then I went on holiday with mine!

It's fine so long as you get a bit of me time too otherwise you feel resentful. So why not suggest that you and a friend go to a spa one day? Or meet up for a meal of your own with a friend?

It's now that you need to make the most of your freedom whilst you have it, which is probably what he is doing, because your freedom does a disappearing act once that baby comes along. And if he still insists on going out with his mate once the baby is here, then just make sure that he and his mate babysits whilst you go out with yours too!

Thing is I'm a little worried about him going on holiday with this friend. The friend is a total bachelor, never settled down or had a long term relationship. When we go out he's chatting up girls all the time and does coke. My dp has stopped since he met me. I just don't want him around someone who could be a bad influence. I do trust him though

rhubarb that's a good point. He does need to get away and have fun before baby comes. Just wish it wasn't with him! You're right, I'll make sure I have a good time too.

I've arranged a meal with my friend this Saturday too

Has the friend got any children of his own?

You say theyve known each other since college? I wouldnt worry then. I hope you are seeing your girlfriends and not being lonely stuck at home.

Alarm bells would ring if the guy had just come on the scene. Not just yet but, if he started buying your bf presents and taking him to the opera. Which is what happened to my friend. I beleive her ex husband is now living in Brighton with so called "friend" we can smile about it now

Well, for the record my dh's friend was also a confirmed bachelor who was prone to getting himself into trouble (fights over girls, but usually because he was stepping in to defend them) and who doesn't particularly have great moral standards. But their relationship is a little different in that he respects my dh and in a funny sort of way, would never ever let him down. He sees dh as a kind of big brother really. And I knew that it would be dh's influence which would rule the day.

I would lay down the law big time. Tell him that you're worried, as you have every right to be. Go through scenarios with him such as, what if his friend cops off whilst he is there? What would he do?

I trust your dh is sensible enough not to touch coke now that you've made your feelings very clear on that (again similar issues when I first met dh and I went nuts over it, so he was left in no doubt what my feelings were) so the worst that could happen is that they both get plastered.

He probably sees this as his last bachelor-type holiday before he becomes a dad, so don't go too hard on him. Best that he gets it out of his system and of course make sure he knows what a tolerant girlfriend he has.

My dh goes out and does stuff like this with his mates, ive always called them gay dates, go and do the same with your friends.

When we go out he's chatting up girls all the time and does coke. My dp has stopped since he met me. I just don't want him around someone who could be a bad influence

You say you trust your boyfriend, and he is an adult, therefore capable of making his own decision without being influenced by others.

His friend is also an adult, and able to make his own choices too. He is single, so why shouldnt he chat up girls...

when my friends invite just me out to dinner I always say to bring their partner and make it a foursome so DP isn't left out

why though? again, he is an adult, you do not need to have him with you at all times.. and I am sure your friends may actually like to see you without him there too.

Are you a bit clingy and needy, or controlling??

Nope, not any of those squeaky I just try and include my DP in evenings out, just being nice.

I agree with squeaky on this one - why do you ALWAYS invite your DP? It's not 'just being nice'. It's actually not having your own identity. Yes it's nice to go out as a foursome, but it's also nice going out on your own with your friends. You need to retain your own identity, ESPECIALLY if you're going to be a new mother because it is very easy to lose sight of yourself with a young baby.

I don't always, I see her alone alot too as I really enjoy that, same as with my other friends. I also do enjoy it when he goes out as I get my own space.

Chips

I know you say this is a light hearted thread... But im sensing you have some genuine concerns about the amount of time this friend is Monopolising?

I do, because it was all at once at seemed quite full on. I didnt appreciate how he told me, first thing this morning and listing these things he intends to do as in laying down the law. Meh

To be fair, he does this. Doesn't see his friends for a few weeks and then it's full-on when he does.

Just keep making sure that he knows it will have to be different when the baby comes. If you are up all night feeding and feeling worn out, you will need his time and energy to support you and for him to get to know his child.