to be fed up of the inlaws?

[MMMummy2twins]

aaagh! they live abroad and come to visit for special occassions but as they have sold the house to us they have no home in england and spend all the waking day here!
we spend every holiday with them and also christmas and birthdays, my parents help with childcare 3 days a week whilst we work and the inlaws seem to get all the fun times and dont help at all. they refuse to disipline the children when they are wrong as they feel they dont see them often so dont want the children to dislike them (not that that would actually happen) the routine goes out of the window and behaviour seems to go down hill after a few days with the children resorting to baby talk. me and my partner end up clashing as he seems to sit back and not disipline when his parents are here so i seem to be doing all the telling off!

its not the end of the world and i know there is bigger problems but i needed to rant!

Well it isn't their place to Discipline your kids.

Tell your DH to pull his finger out but I can't really see that the IL themselves are doing anything wrong. They visit you o. Special occasions and love your kids.

Whatever next?

Why can't you have a day with your parents too so no one misses out

Grit your teeth, get through this visit, then sit your DH down and tell him why you hated it and how you are going to manage this in the future. You need him to agree, make it clear how bad you find these visits. Before the next visit, go through this conversation again.

It isn't their job to discipline the kids, but they should stick to the house rules/party line or the kids will take advantage. Get throu the visit and then have a debrief with DH. Ask how he thought it went first so you can genuinely boggle at his lack of perception. Then tell him exactly how you feel.

i didnt mean discipline i meant back me up on house rules, not let the children jump on the couch etc they listen to me say no and then let them do it when my back is turned!
i know its just normal inlaw issues but when they are in your face for a week at a time it can become too much! they are nice people too and i used to love spending loads of time with them before the children came along! now they seem to disagree with me on child related things and it frustrates me that they think they know better than me about my children whom they see 3 times a year! thanks for advice i am going to grin and bear it and i really wish i didnt feel like this as i know they are not trying to deliberatley piss me off.

How long do their visits last? And you say they sold you the house - did your OH grow up there, or did they move to it after he left home?

Have you name changed OP?

yes i set my account up ages ago and fancied a change! not been on in ages.
OH grew up in the house, they had another house in england but then decided to rent that out the visits last between 1-3 weeks like i said just having a rant and feel better already! just like a bit of space after work to destress so feeling a little aaagh, did not want to burden OH with my whining!

Ah, thought I was going a bit mad :)

Can you argue (once they have gone and calm has returned) that it would be nice to have xmas/birthday/Easter with your parents/on your own next time for a change?

OK, so if he grew up in that house that explains why "... he seems to sit back and not disipline when his parents are here " - he's sort of reverting to being their son in his childhood home, rather than your OH in your family home. You need to point this out to him, that when his parents visit IT IS STILL HIS HOUSE AND THEY ARE JUST GUESTS IN THAT HOUSE. The house rules devised by you and he still stand, and he needs to maintain his adulthood when they visit and not abdicate it and slip back into passive childhood.