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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let DS play out alone?

17 replies

PleaseChooseAnotherNN · 24/04/2012 14:59

Ds will be 7 next week. So far he and his sister 4 are allowed to play infront of our house as we live in a quiet cul-de-sac with speed bumps at the entrance. DD has 5 children her age to play with and there is one boy also almost 7 who also plays with DD. His brother and sister are 4 also so they all play together.

DS thinks I am being unfair as the other children age 7-8 play at the park which is round the corner from our house. It is across one road that is not busy. It just leads to a dead end which the school is on so no reason for traffic there other than at school times.

I can not see the park from our house which is why he is not allowed to play there. It is less than a minutes walk away. We live in a nice area and the park is used by junior school age children mostly.

DS has asked ExH to tell me how it is unfair that he is not allowed to go although others his age and other children from our close who are slightly older go.

AIBU to say tough or am I being a PFB?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 24/04/2012 15:02

It sounds a little young to me but to be honest, that's because I don't live in such a nice area as the one you describe.

Do you trust your son?

How mature is he for his age?

If you do trust him, I'd be inclined to give him a cheap pay-as-you-go mobile and make sure he zips it into his pocket.

PandaNot · 24/04/2012 15:12

My DS 7 has been allowed to go to the park with a friend this academic year (he's in Y3). It's scary at first but we live in a village where everyone knows everyone and he's a sensible boy so I don't have any worries about him wandering off without telling me. I felt I had to begin to let him do it, in 3 years time he's going to be getting on buses to go to school across the city, he has to start somewhere. However my dd will be about 15 before she's allowed anywhere Grin She's got no sense at all.

imnotmymum · 24/04/2012 15:19

we live in a village too with a lovely park but I would not let my boy [8] to go unless he had his big sisters [11] or [13] with him. Would probably have to be late 9 to 10 maybe to go down alone ?

ZZZenAgain · 24/04/2012 15:20

you have to feel comfortable with it and assess the place you live in. I wouldn't like to say, oh it would be fine because I have no idea what he would encounter. Maybe he doesn't have to go alone but with a friend or a small group of friends. Would you feel more comfortable with that? THat way if one of them has (unlikely but who knows? A friend's son broke his foot at the playground in the park yesterday and he is 10!) an accident, the others could come back and let the parents know.

Also if he is alright reading the time, you could build it up bit by bit. Let him go for half an hour, an hour. See if he comes back on time and if there were any dramas and if not, let him go more often or for longer.

CremeEggThief · 24/04/2012 15:54

I can understand your concerns, but in the circumstances you describe, I would be inclined to let him go sooner rather than later. Maybe in the holidays, you could walk him there and check back every 15 minutes or so to begin with and gradually build up to letting him play there for half an hour or so?

Original poster
PleaseChooseAnotherNN · 24/04/2012 16:12

I like your suggestions of building the time up and going at least in pairs.

I thought I was being relaxed letting him out of the garden! I think maybe come the summer holidays I might let him, he will almost be a junior then after all.

He is generally a very well behaved boy and I trust him not to go off anywhere. I guess I just don't want him to grow up yet.

OP posts:
Pandemoniaa · 24/04/2012 16:15

I guess I just don't want him to grow up yet.

This is the real issue, isn't it?

Original poster
PleaseChooseAnotherNN · 24/04/2012 17:59

I think so pandemoniaa, overall it is fairly safe but then my little boy will be getting bigger!

OP posts:
HecateTrivia · 24/04/2012 19:02

It doesn't matter one jot what other parents allow. If you feel your child is too young, then he's too young. Other children may be the same age chronologically, but perhaps more streetwise or something.

Don't do something you feel is the wrong thing for your child because "everyone else does, mum" Grin

Olympia2012 · 24/04/2012 19:04

What are you afraid of? What are you worrying about exactly?

CallMeAl · 24/04/2012 19:05

But also don't stop him doing something reasonable because its your issue, rather than any sensible reason.

HappySeven · 24/04/2012 19:07

My DS is a little younger than yours and I can see where you're coming from but then I look back at my childhood and remember roaming free well from a very young age. We didn't have watches (couldn't tell the time?) and my mum would ring a large bell to call us back for mealtimes.

I think one of the things against playing out on their own is because not many others do anymore but it sounds like there are a few of your son's age. Safety in numbers?

I really hope I'm brave enough to let mine play out when the time comes...

MrsLetchlady · 24/04/2012 19:12

I agree that you need to do what you feel is right, depending upon your circumstances, how trustworthy / mature / responsible your child is, what reasons you've got for saying yes / no, how safe the area is and so on. It's a question only you can answer.

My DD is 8, and she has being going to the park for over a year now (like you, safe village, no traffic etc) and we have done done things to make it safer...

  1. She goes with friends, not alone.
  1. She takes a cheap payg phone with her, and she phones me if they change location.
  1. If there is a problem, she either comes home or we have agreed safe houses that she can go to (these are houses of other children that we know). She is always in sight of a 'safe house', so if there ever is a problem, she can go somewhere really quickly.

If she's out for a longer time (say during the summer) then she needs to keep in regular contact with me via her phone.

Where we are, children start being let out from reception (with older siblings) or year 1 (that's the most common one), but there are some children round here who are 9 / 10 that I've never seen playing out. Most children do though, that's partly why we chose thus house.

LesAnimaux · 24/04/2012 19:15

OP, YANBU.

There is no way on this earth I would give a nearly 7yo a mb and let him go off to the park. I wouldn't even let my 9 year old, tbh, but he has gone with his 13 yo brother.

Original poster
PleaseChooseAnotherNN · 24/04/2012 19:16

I don't know what I am afraid of to be honest, he is sensible and wouldn't wander off.
He can cross the road safley and it is usually empty other than school times.
It's a nice area so no drugs or broken bottles.

I think there should be a rule book!

OP posts:
Cerinthe · 24/04/2012 19:23

YABU. I don't think we do children any favours by being overprotective. If it was a busy road, or a scuzzy area it'd be different.

Mrsjay · 24/04/2012 19:26

tell your son he can play at the park in the summer holidays give a compromise and get hm off you your back , if all his friends go and its not far personally i dont see a problem I allowed mine to the park at 8 wel dd2 was 9 but she was a bit ditzy Grin the park doesnt sound as close as yours though , I think you need to trust your judgement on these things and set out some rules for him , he can go half n hour to start with , Trust yourself and your son Smile

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