to want to leave and not know what to say?.

[Inabadplace]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1456800-In-a-bad-place-need-some-help-what-to-say

Please be gentle I'm very fragile atm , I'd really like some help in how to open the conversation I just dont know where to start. ;(

YOu have some pretty sound advice already on there, was there something in particular you are looking for? :)

Oh I see, advice on how to tell him? Ive no idea :( Leave first and then tell him in a phonecall? Is he physically abusive?

Or phone WA for advice like you were advised, they will know best.

no not physically, its I have no idea what the first words out of my mouth would be.

I'm going to try when my LO is asleep I think is best. just going from normal to 'I think we should seperate' I feel very munb and sick at the thought.

I dont actually feel entitled to ring WA when I think there will be people in violent realtionships ringing there I feel like a fraud, plus I feel I can handle this without bringing in the big guns so to speak.

it'll just be dealing with the fall out.

They can give you advice as to how best handle it, WA isnt ust for physical abusers, but for emotional abusers like your DH.

How is he likely to react?

I have no idea :( ,

theres no history of violence so I dont think I will get hit, but perhaps I'm being optimistic.

Oh hun, I feel for you I really do. In fact I created this account specifically to answer your thread!

You don't need to speak to him. You don't need to tell him anything. He doesn't sound like the kind of man you can have an adult conversation with. Do you really want to engage him in conversation only for him to talk you round?

The most important thing is you and your children. Please get away from him and into a safe environment for your family. I promise you WA won't consider you unimpotant just because you don't have physical injuries. x

Honestly, ring WA for advice, they wont get involved or anything, and you are as entitled to speak to them as anyone else is. Im sorry I dont have anything more constructive for you :(

*important

I may do that I can't atm.

but I do feel I owe a conversation, not just running.

I was thinking when its quiet saying 'we need to talk' or 'I need to say something'.

I think you're tying yourself up in knots about something that hardly matters. What matters is that you leave; the conversation about it is secondary. Don't use 'not knowing the right words' as an excuse not to act. 'We need to talk' will do fine. Good luck.

thankyou , Its all very odd hes not had a go at me today maybe he's sensing something.

Has anybody else been in this situation or similar?

aw thanks stuntgirl , much appreciated.

Inabadplace, I havent been in this situation but the only thing I can say is you need to separate yourself and look from outside. if your child was with a man/woman who spoke to them that way and didn't care for them what would you think? What would you feel? What would you advise them? If they were allowing your grandchild to witness and be dealt with in that way what would you advise?

Now apply that to yourself, and let it give you strength. bed your dc down at your mums to be out of the way, tell your mum your plans, go home and simply tell him you want to split, give him a written letter of why and walk away. Then it's just a case of going through the practical logistics of the split once you are out.

It may "seem" like it will be a bolt from the blue for him and that he "deserves" more but in reality you are both in the relationship and I sincerely doubt he has no clue what he is doing and how you feel so it will not in fact be a shock apart from the fact you are still strong enough and not browbeaten enough to walk away.