Performance anxiety in the conception window?!

[Pinkie29]

Has this happened to anyone else? We got our first smiley in 3 months of trying on sat afternoon, let dp know all was fine that night, tested again Sunday no smiley so went for it again to up our chances, after half hour he says. 'it isn't going to happen'

I was mad but just thought he was tired as he'd done a ten hour shift, then the same thing happens Monday morning and evening! I was really upset by that point and convinced myself he subconsciously doesn't want a baby? He says I read too much into it of course he does etc.

We've not rowed or anything it was just so frustrating and never ever happened before :/ I know I'm being impatient but I have a really long cycle so won't get to try again until the first week of June if my cycle stays at 44 days :(

Thanks ladies yes agree I'm pretty stressed about it all, fine all month then when the window is here I'm like arrrrhgghhh!!! I keep most of it to myself tho but do agree it's probably best to keep the window to myself in future (so does do) I know 3 months is nothing really bit it's more the potential problems that stress me out pcos infertility getting older etc, am hoping we've caught it this time just got the 2ww now... We had a good chat last night and made it clear I wasn't mad at him and he said he doesn't feel pressured but I suppose subconsciously he might

My husband was funny. He was desperate for children and I made him wait ages into the marriage (well 5 years) before we tried and when I did finally agree to give it a go he decided to project manage the whole thing. Did the digital thing, which worked really well for us, but he'd keep quizzing me "have you peed on the stick thing today? Is there a smiley? Lets just do it anyway!" etc etc. "What day are you on? Any change in secretions?" etc etc

i do not uderstand 'trying' for a baby with ovulation tests and the likes. we just did it every day until it happened.
are you that repulsed by your partner that you cant have sex unless absolutely necessary?

Why don't you just have sex lots and ditch the smiley thingys (whatever they are?).

Ovulation predictor kits are useful to reassure you that you are ovulating but my fertility consultant told me that most couples who present with having tried to conceive unsuccessfully for less than twelve months simply don't have sex often enough. Every other day, all month long will catch it eventually.

minimisschief am I repulsed by my partner? Seriously?? what an awful thing to say.

Thanks to those of you who have replied constructively.

By trying I mean making a conscious decision to come off the pill and have a baby, I'd rather plan these things than just find out, given the evidence that we may have problems conceiving I'd like to give us as much chance as possible and find out sooner than later if there's a problem.

We have sex usually 3 times a week and more during the conception window to increase our chances. I'd love to have the time for sex everyday but in between both of us having full time jobs a social life and him working till late and most weekends it makes it quite difficult.

What a nobby thing to say Minimisschief.

Some people can't have sex every 2nd day due to work and travel commitments.

Anyway, I bet you don't put out every 2nd day

Or every day. What a load of bollix.

And, if it was just when you were trying, well that sounds like a hell of a lot more than a "chore" or "pressure" than peeing on a stick and initiating it 3 consecutive days in addition to any other spontaneous sessions in a month. Unless you have sex every day come rain hail or shine I can't see how its much different, unless you can't afford the £22 I suppose.

Imagine the responses to "my husband is mad at me for feeling to pressured to have sex..."

*too

stupid keyboard

If the couple were ttc I'd imagine the responses would be pretty much the same as the op has got.

i do not uderstand 'trying' for a baby with ovulation tests and the likes. we just did it every day until it happened.
are you that repulsed by your partner that you cant have sex unless absolutely necessary?

No but I was approaching 40 when we decided to have children and didn't want to waste any time trying to guess when the best time would be - especially as I wanted more than one. Go pregnant first month every time though so obviously worked.

mrmyagi I've never pressured my dp into sex and I wasn't mad at him I was frustrated that we'd had plenty of sex the whole cycle then in the conception window things didn't go to plan hence we put it down to performance anxiety. I'm sure this has happened to a lot of couples.

tattydivine that's exactly it work has to come first and when your up at 06:30 and not home till almost 8 it would impossible to find time to have 'spontaneous' sex every day and personally I'd find sex everyday whilst ttc a huge chore too as we wouldn't normally do that so would take the fun out of it

hybridtheory we're both 30 and want a few 2 or 3 so don't want to play the guessing game

I'll fully admit to being a control freak which is why I found it frustrating.