to pack away all DS2's playmobil and lego in the loft before DH's party?

[OrmIrian]

DH's is 50 this year. We're planning a big party and BBQ. Will be about 90 people including children. Last year we packed away the toys in boxes in DS's room just to make more room for the party - normally he uses the conservatory as his playroom but we needed it empty for the party.

Various small children arrived and proceeded to play the role of small tornadoes! DH were busy cooking, serving and pouring drinks. We didn't notice quite what was happening. Two of the little cherubs had taken water out of the pond with a watering can to water the grass . They had smashed up 2 water lillies that I had hoped would flower that summer. They managed to push the liner down so that the water leaked out. And when I went up to DS's room I found all the toys had been taken out and mixed up all the floor and the bed. And a lot of them had taken a trip to the garden and were scattered everywhere including in the big pond that was too deep to get them out. DS was really upset when he saw it.

It took a week to get everything sorted and find all the missing bits.

I want children to be able to play with toys - that's the point of them but I am realising that the assumptions I made about children - that they have been taught to behave with respect towards other people's homes and possessions may not always be correct

Not U at all.
You are very brave to consider having these people back round yours, well done.
Will you be hiding in the attic too?

YANBU!

Keep out the toys that your ds doesn't mind other children playing with and pack the rest away.

I hate it when children come to ours and have no respect for ds's toys.
Yes fine, do what you want to your own, but respect someone else's.

Leave out a few toys to keep the children entertained and hide everything else!

YANBU, we do the same thing, why should your DSs favourite toys be ruined.

In fact we sometimes take out and hide our DS lego when some of his friends come. Its the lego that makes up specific sets and he likes playing with those sets. We did this after one child had been and the sets were completely demolished, we never found all the parts to the rebuild them. There are enough other toys to play with.

@ CuttedUpPear

Op you will be in that attic with a bottle of gin before you know it

You are being reasonable and logical to prepare for the party. REmove everything precious, hide it away and, if expecting kids make sure that there are toys out that are suitable and either indestructible of disposable (charity shops and pound shops may be your friends.

Personally I'd strongly consider well driven in stakes and chicken wire around or over the ponds (or both!!) If the kids are so poorly supervised that that much damage happens (not accusing you OP of poor supervision- parents responsibility) then I'd be terribly afraid that a child would end up IN the pond.

I think thats a bit harsh on the children - assuming they are very young. School age upwards should know better, but of course they dont always play ball - they get carried away, especially en masse.

Its a harsh lesson to learn (my silk cushions got drawn on after I left them in the conservatory - no idea where the pen came from - she did get a telling off from her mum - but she was 4 - she just did it because, well, she could)

So yes, I'd pack away anything that you dont want them to play with and make sure you ask their parents to keep an eye on them. Explain they are not allowed near the pond (to the parents). Only keep out what they can play with, but prepare for it to go everywhere again.

I'd pack away the stuff with small parts and the precious stuff. Leave SOME things out (maybe the things that your DS has mostly outgrown, the robust outdoor stuff etc.) otherwise you risk a repeat of the lily fiasco - kids will entertain themselves if there's nothing to entertain them. Can you fence/cover the pond for the day? It would be safer for the pond and the kids!

Can you lock DS's door? Then there can be no temptation. Also, brief DS that no children are to go upstairs. Will there be any cousins you can co-opt to help DS keep the younger guests downstairs?

Theas - I agree about the ponds. The small one is too small to do any harm but the other one is dangerous -thing is last year it was netted off but they managed to push their way through it. I think I will say to the parents 'please be aware there is a deep pond'.

I would be fitting a bolt on DS door and borrowing a stair gate to put at bottom of stairs with a big no entry sign. then I would buy lots of bubbles, water pistols if you don't mind everyone getting wet, and a couple of boxes of suitable garden toys. if you have the room a tent or two makes it fun for the kids outside. oh and just get tough and ask parents to supervise their kids better. have fun (the gin in the attic sounds a good option too)

yes put the stuff away. tbh i would probably lock your ds room and just keep a few things out, it's not fair for the place to be trashed especially things thrown in the pond and not able to be retrieved - that is awful!

cant believe parents have left their dc to run riot to that extent!!! you are brave having them all back after last time

Another one who would also lock their DS's door. You don't need to put everything up in the loft, just put a lock on his door and a stairgate on the bottom of the stairs. The lock doesn't have to be a key one, just a bar one right at the top of the door. We had to do that on our DC's doors for when the much younger cousins came around.

Can't believe that people allow their DC to ruin the pond. Aren't they worried about drowning?

I would put everything away that you don't want wrecked, although one would hope that adults would know how to behave at a party!

I hope it all goes well for you.

U r being very sensible( except you are asking children) no joke.i wouldn't allow any guests upstairs at all, put up a barrier. Fit locks on any door you don't want opened easy to fit and cheap and defiantly to bedrooms, all toys away.

I hope weather nice for u.

I'd also put a stairgate at the bottom as this usually indicates a no-go area. And pack away all DS's favourite toys and your precious possessions. I even pack away DD's Lego when she has playdates as we've lost a few pieces too.

Larger, sturdy toys are good as they won't get lost so easily but will (sort-of) keep the children entertained. Can you put a large, oilcloth in the garden with the toys on (away from the pond)? I like the bubbles idea too

I'd be having the party somewhere else if that's how the parents let their kids behave!

I'd make his room out of bounds. We have a garden full of toys and that's what they would play with. Don't get me wrong DS has friends over and they all play with everything. But too many kids and it all goes mad. YANBU

It was my fault partly. When one family arrived mum was getting really stressy with her kids - making them sit quietly. I made the mistake of saying 'Please don't worry too much. We've had littles ones so we're child-friendly'. Clearly not child-friendly enough .... I never beleived that they could be so ....challenging, even DS2 who is on the spectrum and can be tricky to deal with.

We had a big trolley of plastic bricks and a trunk full of plastic animal models that DS had grown out of. We had left that downstairs for them to play with.

NOt unreasonable at all, OrmIrian In fact, thank you for posting this. My DH always has a joint party at his house for him and his mate, as their birthdays are only days apart. His house is now our house and what used to be the spare room is now DS1&2's room, complete with tiny fiddly toys with lots of small parts. What used to be his gat room is now the nursery and what used to be a day long piss up, starting with the mates with families coming for a BBQ in the afternoon then going on through most of the night with those without kids, is now going to include a mass kid sleepover and anything up to 35 kids from lunchtime until dark and the inevitable chaos that them hyping each other up will bring.

It hadn't occurred to me to hide away anything precious or breakable. Now you have mentioned it, it is an eminently sensible idea.

Or, hire a bouncy castle and the church hall/scout hut/community Centre?

A bolt at the top of the door costs a couple of quid and can be fitted yourself in minutes.

A stair gate wired to the mains sounds like a good idea tbh! Of course yANBU to protect your children possessions. Why not put all their toys away and have a quick troll round a few car boot sales and charity shops for a few bargains that will keep all ages occupied. Some chalk in teh garden can be a good idea as well. Let the kids chalk over the paving/ driveway/ paths etc. If you have older children coming keep them occupied with a photography competition. Ask their parents to bring their cameras and have a prize for the best party shot taken. Or a scavenger hunt or any other activity that you can drag out for the duration of the party.

I'd put all their toys away that if they got broken would cause upset and hire a bouncy castle.

I would be more discerning this year and invite only those that are going to control their little darlings....

hex - beleive me, that is my preferred option But it's DH's party and his choice.

How about including it in the invites then?

"Please be aware that we have ponds in the garden and we expect all parents to monitor the safety of their own children. We'd also appreciate it if the ponds and lilies survived the party . Thanks in advance, OrmIrianHousehold."

??

Urgh. I hate lazy parents who just dump their kids and sit swigging beer while their little treat destroys the house.
I have no kids and have on one occasion been lumbered with children crawling all over me while parents sat and laughed as their children destroyed the house. No thanks. Will never happen again. Yanbu.