To worry so much about bedtimes and what's normal?

[MrsShitty]

My DD is 7 (8 in July) and can't seem to sleep easily. She wants a DVD, she wants a drink, she wants to read...she can't wind down and I have tried EVERYTHING to work her into being shattered and relaxed at bedtime.

She currently falls asleep at about 9.00pm or 9.30...sometimes later........is that horrendously late for her age?

She has a bath or shower....a story, then a little read on her own and I aim to put the lights out at 8.00pm....cue moaning and gnashing of teeth that she caaaant sleeeeeep!!!

Should I just put her to bed at 9.00 or something? A friend says his son is out like a light at 7.30pm! Same age! SO...Am I putting her to bed too early now or what?

Her reading to herself may be stimulating her brain. Perhaps you could try reading to her instead, so she is relaxing? Definitely no DVD!

I think you are quite possibly putting her to be too late and she is over tired. Try getting her in the bath and in bed by 7.30.

... and definitely no screen time. It's stimulating

My DD2 will be 8 next month, she goes up at 7.30 and could easily read or draw until 9pm.

Sometimes she goes straight to sleep but most nights she draws pictures or reads her books.

She does get up fine for school and weekend nights she will watch tv with us until 9.30 sometimes.

I think if she is happy to go to her room and read you could agree that lights go out a 9pm.

DD1 is 10 and falls straight to sleep at 7.30 ever night.

They are all different

No I don't let her watch DVDs OldGrey...I said that I read to her too. Then she reads herself a while.

Chipping I always feel mean or something? As though she is going to bed before ALL OTHER 7 year olds in the world!

I don't sleep until at least 1am and have done so since I was about 7. I still got up for school etc and was not tired. I am just wired like that. I think if she gets up on time and is not tired then there is no problem. If she is though you need to cut out the extra stimuli

I know what you mean OP. My dd (9) is the same many nights. I don't really worry about it though, she has a bath at about 7pm and then a story and then if she is finding it hard to sleep she puts on a story tape. Mostly this helps her to fall asleep but sometimes she is still awake at about 9.30. I don't really worry about it though and apart from on special occasions I still stick to lights out at about 8-8.30. You are definitely not BU though.

I don't think 8 is too late for a 7 yo, my 6 yo goes at 8 and reads til 8:30 then goes more or less straight to sleep after lights out, I did this on my dads advice as she was not sleeping til around 10, 10;30 so he suggested maybe she didn't need as much sleep as some dc and not to try make her sleep so early, I tried 7/7:30 also but think it was just too early for her.

I actually think reading isn't stimulation, rather that it tires your eyes a bit, no dvds though and we have strict rules about 'excuses'. i make sure she has a drink, goes to the toilet before bed and then she has to stay there.

she only gets her reading time if she stops the excuses so she tends to be good now she knows the deal.

i don't think I've written this post very well but i'm too tired to amend it I hope it makes sense

Perhaps the bath/ shower wakes her up. Could she have one in the morning or when she comes home from school

Ace What stimuli? A story? Is not that reccomended then?

I worry Cherries because she gets so annoyed when I put the lights out...i thought of getting her some kind of ipod or something where she can hear some nice music or a story....am a total technophobe...like the worlds biggest technophobe so not even sure what an ipod IS actually.

If I do get her one, where do I get stories and music from? Online? Amazon? Is that a good idea?

She could McHappy but I thought they were meant to relax you?

Daenerys I remember tryng that a while ago and it was the same story...up for about an hour or two after going to bed.

I think children (and adults) need thinking time before they sleep. It's good for everyone to think about things as they doze off. It's unrealistic to expect a child to just fall asleep.

Make sure she hasn't got anything on her mind. I've said on here before that I used to make my children tell me one happy thing that had happened that day and one sad thing (sad first.) It meant they got anything horrible off their chests. Perhaps you could tell her then to lie in bed and think about a story - either one she knows or one she could write in school (or at home.) It's good for children to exercise their imagination - so much of the time they are fed information and facts and stories, but don't have the time to think up their own storylines.

Ok I'm biased as I still read to relax and get to sleep

But I'd get her into her room/bed, bottle of water beside bed
let her read, no tv or dvd,
I'd put the light out around 9 if that when shes falling asleep

oh and I used to bathe /shower mine in the morning as it definitely stimulated them

but above all it's now your time of night
this is a statement to be repeated as they get older
especially if they put off, then want help with homework; want to surf the net; want to watch tv; etc etc

Some kids settle earlier than others, go with what suits you and gets a stress free evening ( for you )

Bath or showers wake me up, so have them once the dc are home from school

No i meant like take the book away when you are done reading to her or take away any toys etc that she might be playing with in bed. My dcs are terrible for sneaking toys under the covers and staying up playing in bed. Granted they are much younger. Stories are fine. Maybe just put her to bed later? Like I said before if she isn't tired in the morning and doesn't struggle to get up for school etc then she simply doesn't need to sleep. Body clocks don't really work as you want them to unfortunately

I suffer from insomnia, have done for ever. I always loved to read at night as a child, but I couldn't put the book down till it was finished.

In my opinion 9.30 is not too bad for her age, although I can see it's not ideal.

Enforce quiet/go to bed times but don't try to force sleep, if you can't sleep at that moment you can't. But you can relax, as long as no-one is telling you off for not being asleep when you have done nothing wrong.

Fresh air is surprisingly exhausting too. Outdoor play may help.

DD1 has never gone to bed before 8 and I'd guess 8.30 by the time she was 7.

Any earlier and she wasn't tired and just bounced about until she was over tired and silly.

DD2 just went to bed when DD1 does, regardless of whether she was tired. Three years makes no difference, she is not going to be treated differently!!!

Fortunately DD1 is happy to go and read so DD2 does go to sleep well before her teen big sister

Don't worry, everybody is different.

I've never slept much. At that age my mum would send me up to bed at 7 and I would play and read until around midnight. I was never tired in the day, woke up for school on time and I'm still the same.

My sister, sent to bed at 7 and asleep within minutes. She still goes to bed by 9 every night even now.

Some people need less sleep than others and there isn't a magical bedtime to suit all children.

have you tried a quiet music CD or story CD in the darkness? Something calm.

my 9 year old goes at 7.15 by the way but thats earlier then most.

"I think children (and adults) need thinking time before they sleep. It's good for everyone to think about things as they doze off. It's unrealistic to expect a child to just fall asleep." I couldn't agree more with ImperialBlether on this.

I am insomniac, have always been so; at aged 7 I was that child, lying awake whilst my sister was out cold as soon as her head touched the pillow which I found seriously weird. I used to just lie there and think - about the day that had finished, what I had watched on TV/read, about tomorrow and what would happen. As I got older I would think about schoolwork, I swear it did wonders for my English composition because I would make up so many stories in my head!

I think the fact that I didn't realise I was the odd one out (my sister was, for me) and that I SHOULD have been asleep much quicker was probably what made it work for me. I was in bed, warm and comfortable, with the peace and quiet you couldn't find when you were up, to just ... think.

DD2 (just turned 8) generally goes to bed 8:30, and is asleep by 9am. Wakes around 7:30pm, but is woken at 7:15am for school.
She reads a few pages to me or DH, and gets read to.

I would only worry about bedtime if your DC seems to be tired and lacking sleep. If your DD is full of energy during the day, it would point to bed-time being adequate.

DD2 has a beaker of water on her locker for times she gets thirsty. We don't do nightly shower, but haven't found that a shower at night is not a detriment to falling asleep.

When DD2 goes to bed later, we negotiate no story, etc..

Maybe allow your DD to stay up later, and negotiate the reading, etc?

Probably saying what others have said, esp Daenerys, is she tired in the morning? Difficult to get up, bags under eyes etc, if so it probably is too late. Only you wil know that one.

It sounds like she is great at distration techniques, toilet, water etc so make it clear that these won't work and get it all over with before she gets into bed.

Remember this is your time in the evening and you need to be able to relax as well.

My ds aged 7 is never asleep before 9 unless he's poorly, and he's always up for school without being pestered so I just think that's how much sleep he needs.

My not-quite-4 year old DS goes to bed at 8pm, and is always up of his own accord between 6.30 and 7am.
Now admittedly he isn't at school yet and so I'm expecting he will need a slightly earlier night come September.

I could never fall asleep as a child, and I still struggle as an adult although I go out as my head hits the pillow these days due to sleep deprivation!