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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not want to "reconnect" with an old friend.

12 replies

Cherriesarelovely · 22/04/2012 23:21

An old friend has contacted me via fbook. We were very close friends indeed during university, shared lots of important times etc etc. When we left uni we stayed in touch, briefly living in the same town at one time. The trouble is we began to fall out quite regularly. Our main issue was that he was in a relationship but started cheating on his bfriend and using me as his alibi. We had a huge row about it and didn't speak for a while. Then he left his bfriend and we became friends again.

Then he began to get very posessive over me (not in a romantic way- we are both gay) to the point where my DP at the time felt really put out and uncomfortable around him.

Finally, he moved to a different town, got a new boyfriend but then started coming to see me ostensibly to visit me and DD but actually, it transpired to cheat on his new boyfriend! After that I avoided his phone calls and eventually never heard from him again. I have not missed him at all. I feel nostalgic for the time that we were good friends but I don't really want to see him again or go into the reasons why I stepped back from the friendship.

He has recently contacted my ex on fbook (ex and I are good friends), she thinks so that he can get back in touch with me. She thinks I ought to contact him as "life is too short" and he is now settled with a DP and seems much more chilled and sensible. I don't actually want to be friends with him again. Am I being really mean?

OP posts:
Cherriesarelovely · 22/04/2012 23:22

Have just read this back. Just to clarify, I am a gay woman, old friend is a gay man! He didn't come to cheat on his bfriend with me!

OP posts:
TiredTits · 22/04/2012 23:25

Sounds like a lot of hassle with not many benifits to me!

I wouldn't get involved.

wantanewname · 22/04/2012 23:26

I would just wait to see if he gets back in touch with you as he might not. Then if he does, say you're pleased to hear from him, his news etc but think that things have probably moved on a lot for both of you to meet up again but that you have good memories of those times and want to leave it there.

Cherriesarelovely · 22/04/2012 23:28

Yes that is my veiw! Trouble is, very sadly a mutual friend of mine and my exes has terminal cancer at the moment and when either of us see her she reminds us that "life is short" and we ought to put these things behind us so my ex is kind of feeling like that. I actually don't agree, I feel the opposite, I think that life is too short to spend it with people that you don't particularly enjoy being with!

OP posts:
Cherriesarelovely · 22/04/2012 23:30

funnily enough wantanewname he just did contact me! I think you are right though. Trouble is I know he will ask me why I stopped calling him and I don't want to go into it.

OP posts:
floweryblue · 22/04/2012 23:30

Renew the friendship, forget the friendship, it's up to you.

I have tried to renew friendships which have fallen away over time, some have come back to life, some haven't.

If I were you I would give it a go, you liked him for a reason, but the chances are you've all moved on and maybe you just won't get on any more. At least you've tried.

wantanewname · 22/04/2012 23:30

I think life is short and you should make time for old friends but it sounds like you don't want to bring him back into your life. You never though he may have changed though...

wantanewname · 22/04/2012 23:32

I have been through a period recently of missing old friends and have reconnected with some of them. Some I get on like old times and others not so much.

WhereYouLeftIt · 22/04/2012 23:33

No, you are not being mean. He repeatedly put you in an awkward position, which is not what you expect from friends.

I wonder if he wants to cheat on his current boyfriend and is falling back on tried-and-tested-techniques? Wink

Cherriesarelovely · 22/04/2012 23:39

I actually hadn't thought of that whereyouleftit!!!! I'm afraid serial infidelity is a deal breaker in a friendship for me.....it might sound mean but unless I can just keep it sort of fbook lite I don't think I'm going to contact him. Thanks for your thoughts though, much appreciated :)

OP posts:
TroublesomeEx · 23/04/2012 09:33

Cherries My dad has terminal cancer and yes he is also full of "life is too short" comments.

However, like you, he tends to feel that life is too short to put up with other people's shit rather than life is too short to hold grudges. Life is too short to waste on people you don't want to have in your life, not life is too short to not reconnect with people you don't want to see.

Stick to your guns.

DublinMammy · 23/04/2012 10:08

Cherries you are dead right when you say life is too short to spend with people you don't enjoy being with. Don't bother renewing this relationship, you stopped being friends for a reason, you are under no obligation to renew things much less explain why it didn't work out before. Tell your ex you don't want to hear about him, that you're not interested and enjoy your life!

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