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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have accepted this gift?

37 replies

BellaCB · 22/04/2012 13:26

We have a close friend who is pretty well off (I'll put it in context - he's considering buying a boat!). In conversation the other day it came up that we wanted to by DD (3mo) a new buggy as I HATE our current travel system with a passion. Friend said that he would like to buy us a new buggy as a present for DD, as he hadn't bought her anything yet - though that's a lie, he bought her an all-singing, all-dancing playmat when she was born, but I know he won't have considered the 'cost' of the playmat enough for a present in his opinion. He was very adamant about buying this buggy and even texted me the next day to remind me of his offer.

DP isn't keen on taking him up. I'm not entirely sure why, but I know he's had issues with 'taking' money from his friend in the past (such as his friend paying for dinner etc). I think we should take the gift as it was a seriously made offer.

AIBU to take such an expensive present?

OP posts:
5madthings · 22/04/2012 14:43

so you have a very old travel system that is a bit knackered and heavy to push, as your dd gets older that will be a pita.

you have a friend who wants to buy you a new one as a gift and if happy to pay and can afford it, and you want a maclaren techno so its not like you are getting him to buy you a bugaboo or something!

i would accept and then do something nice as a present for him, something a bit personal and thoughtful and invite him round to yours for dinner.

its lovely of him :)

friends do things like this and if it was your parents or inlaws offering it wouldnt be an issue would it!

Original poster
BellaCB · 22/04/2012 20:33

Taking on the wise words of AIBU, I will go out of my way to do something nice for our friend to let him know how much we appreciate his generosity. I've already made (well, online) a thank you card with pics of DD as I know he has pics of his godchildren around his house, and he is coming for dinner at the weekend. Any thoughts on a personal present?

OP posts:
mynewpassion · 22/04/2012 22:18

So you are going to accept gift even though your DP has issues with it?

Original poster
BellaCB · 23/04/2012 08:47

passion, I probably over egged it when I used the word 'issue', its not like its causing a massive row between DP and me. DP is just always concerned that we might look like we're taking advantage of this friends jealousy. But I feel that refusing our friends offer will be very rude, and now I've told DP we'll make such an effort to thank our friend he is happier with it.

OP posts:
TooManyOddSocks · 23/04/2012 09:23

I had mentioned I had chosen the one I liked
if I am being honest our friend has offered to buy a nicer buggy than we can afford.
So you told your rich friend about a buggy you like but can't afford? Maybe your DH felt as though you were leading your friend on to offer.

diddl · 23/04/2012 09:36

Why would refusing be rude?

MilkNoSugarAndAShotofWhisky · 23/04/2012 09:42

I'd accept

If its a genuine offer I don't see why you wouldn't

Original poster
BellaCB · 23/04/2012 10:22

I just think that refusing a genuinely offered present seems rude, its not something I'm particularly happy doing.

toomany - yes, I can see how it reads like that! It was just a generally conversation about how we needed a new buggy, no leading at all, and then our friend offered. In terms of the 'nicer one' we actually had planned to buy a Mclaren Quest and then, when in the shop knowing about our friends offer (and he had kept stressing we should buy a top of the range buggy) we did opt to go for the next Mclaren up and offered to top up the extra amount ourselves but our friend declined. So yes, maybe that is a bit unfair.

OP posts:
sixlostmonkeys · 23/04/2012 10:34

you really need to have a good talk with your dp over this. Money can cause lots of problems and break up friendships. Don't let this kind offer break up a friendship.
Accepting and giving a lovely gift in return would be my best advice.
In future though, if you don't want this chap to buy anything don't mention anything you wish you had in front of him.

MaresyDotes · 23/04/2012 11:07

We have a close friend, 40-ish bloke, still single. He is DD's godfather. He doesn't see us very often (live too far apart) but he sends her fabulous birthday and Christmas pressies, always rings a month or so beforehand to see what she's 'into', and sent us the money for some big things when she was tiny - he bought her first changing table, a gorgeous big wooden thing that matched her cot, and he bought her first huge playpen-thingy - actually more a big activity centre.

We did feel a bit awkward about it at first as they were expensive and didn't feel 'right' about accepting the money; but my mum (who lives near him) had spoken to him, he really wanted to do it and he looked on it as giving the things to DD rather than to us.

He's out of work now and still gives DD fab presents (though a bit less extravagant!)

diddl · 23/04/2012 11:07

It´s not exactly an offered present though is it-in that he has turned up with something & you have said no thanks or handed it back.

He has offered to buy something in the course of a conversation-you just say no thank you!

I guess I just find it odd because you can afford a buggy-but prefer the one you can´t afford.

I´d rather stick to what I can afford than involve friends.

iscream · 23/04/2012 11:35

I´d rather stick to what I can afford than involve friends.

Exactly. You are letting your want getting in front of what you need.

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