to ask what we should do WRT paying bereaved cleaner?

[AprilLilacs]

'Cleaner' isn't quite the word but we live near to where DH grew up (couple of streets away), and employ the same woman who used to clean for MIL to come in once a week for 2 hours. She also goes to MIL once a week for 2 hours and we pay her £50 a week for both.

She's not a brilliant cleaner but she IS a brilliant person and DH is really fond of her and she adores the DCs and when I was very unwell a couple of years ago she did the school run for us for 3 weeks, which was amazing. Going to call her Jane.

18 months ago her daughter (only child, mid-30s), died tragically in an accident. Awful. We did what we could - flowers, cards, visits etc - but of course paltry in the face of this terrible loss. The DD's dog came to live with her and the DCs and I take it out for a walk on the weekends as Jane finds the (very elderly but strong and truculent), dog hard to handle. So we're very much in each other's lives still.

However and this is where it gets awkward. She hasn't come to clean since her daughter died. Not a big deal for us but MIL does need the help - I've been going round to MIL's and doing some picking up (which I did anyway), but MIL is saying she needs someone to come in 'properly' and that's fair enough.

We've been paying Jane the whole time - I only recently found that out when I took over our finances (all done from DH's account). I know she lost or gave up her other work when she lost her daughter.

I want to ask her to come in again, or to stop paying her if she feels she can't - what I'd really like to do is to say something like "how about we pay you on the day", and then if she comes in pay her then.

DH thinks this is awful terrible and hideous of me and that we should pay someone else to go in to MILs and keep paying Jane until she 'feels up to it'. He also says that she has gone above and beyond for us and we should do it for her now.

I sort of agree but surely that's what we've done for the past 18 months? We really don't have the cash to keep this up forever.

WWYD? Am I being hideously U?

In all honesty I would probably keep paying her, providing you can afford it of course.

Thanks for the responses - DH and I have had a chat and agreed that when we're round tomorrow we're going to say we're having a big spring clean and could she help, and oh while we're on the subject MIL has been having a hard time since Xmas and could she start popping in again as MIL really misses their time together.

We think that'll go down well and we can take things from there.

I think it's a difficult one. When my grandparents farm was sold there was still one couple living in a tied cottage. My mother bought them a bungalow near their daughter, it is kept in good repair for them and they have the right to live there for the rest of their lives. I think as a society we have lost responsibility for those who work for us or who provided services for us. However, I think £50.00 a week is too much and 18 months has been too long. I think you need to suggest it is time for Jane to return to work and if she can't to plant the idea that you will need new cleaners and will need to pay another cleaner. If Jane doesn't want to return to cleaning, could you arrange for her to be paid a retainer of say £15pw to cover the key keeping, and occasional emergency help with school runs, etc..

I think Jane is taking the piss tbh.