Visiting a new baby

[babysbreath]

My bil has had a new baby (well his partner!!) and of course we will have to go and visit. My parner's family don't think I am that pleasant! So I really don't feel I want to go and be all nice when they don't really care about me. I am happy for my partner and dc to go and visit but I am happy to stay at home. AIBU?

Well you don't actually sound all that nice to be honest. Re read your op and see what you think.

why not take this opportunity to make amends (curious as to why you think they dont think you are not that nice) and visit the baby.

its always the kids that suffer in this ... i know this first hand from years of family disputes on my dad's side and never knowing that i grew up beside my granny and aunt. bury the hatchet and be in the child's life, its your niece/nephew. if you try and its thrown in your face at least you know you tried.

You don't sound very pleasant in your OP.

YABU. You just put on your best smile and go and see them, with congratulations, presents etc. Why don't you try being nice to them and see what happens? Then they might think you are pleasant!

Don't go if you don't want to but you are unlikely to change their opinion of you with that attitude.

Why is her OP unpleasant? If someone doesn't like you, why would you want to go to their house? I'd steer clear of them.

Send a card, OP, and tell your husband and kids to go on their own - everyone's happier that way.

Don't go - last thing this new mum needs is a sourfaced old cow at the end of end of the bed!

well i agree if your going to go, do it right and actually want to make amends. if your not arsed (which i get from your OP) then stay away. a new mum has enough to be dealing with.

If you don't go surely it will confirm everything they think about you? It'll be raked over for years 'she couldn't even be bothered to visit them when their PFB was born'.

I'd go taking a gift for mum and baby and be as cheerful and kind as possible.

go along and be so lovely that they will question their previous opinion of you and change it.

Yanbu

I haven't pushed dh to visit his new nephew because his brother is a cheating cutting conman who I would be happy if he dropped off tge face of tge earth so can't really tell you to go.

Well if you already think they don't like you not going to see the new baby isn't going to make matters any better is it, it will just add fuel to the fire. There will be many family events over coming years, I think you should try and make an effort!

It's not actually about you though, is it. It's about your SIL, BIL, the new baby and the whole family group. You're part of that group. Go. If you don't they'll only think you're proving their opinion of you anyway.

From what you have written, or rather, the way you have written it, your in-laws may have a point.

Don't go. DP's aunt is horrid, she doesn't like me and I don't like her. (she's bullying, racist and foul mouthed so I'm justified)

She came to visit days after I had ds and was vile.

If you cant be nice, don't go

If you ever want things to improve go and make an effort if you couldn't care less then don't go. Some of my ILs didn't visit when my son was born its not something I will ever forget

Oh I didn't realise that I came over not nice in post.

I suppose there are so many issues with them all that why should I be the one to make amends, when they don't try. Don't really want go into it - sorry.

I am more than happy to buy a present for the little one.

Perhaps 'unpleasant' was too strong a word!!

Grit your teeth and go for half an hour, spend the whole time in the kitchen making everyone a cuppa??

How is your relationship with BIL and SIL? Do they not like you or is it other family members?

It depends on what you want for the future. Maybe you should rise above it, put a smile on your face and grit your teeth. You don't want them to have something else to use against you.