Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want another baby.

17 replies

learningaswego · 20/04/2012 23:24

Ok so me and db (not quite a dh) are fairly young parents.
He has a good job and with our dd we are living comfortably.

DD is 15 months and I am now horrendously broody.

This would all be fine if I didn't have a teacher training job lined up for the coming Sept, but it is very rare to get a job where you earn while you train. Despite the concerns about leaving dd - have been at home with her up until now - I am very happy to do the job and think I will enjoy it. (I do not see having a baby as a way of getting out of working!!!)

My problem is that above all else right now I am yearning for another baby and think for the sake of having another one, better to keep the age gap as small as possible.

My family do not see it this way and are terrified that I may not be a working mum... a 'kept' woman is not something to be proud of. My nan, mother, sister, sister in law all worked while their dc were small, so for me not to is unheard of. Partner is happy to have another one. I hate the thought of disappointing and letting my wider family down, snide comments about me not working have already come up... but the way I see it is so long as our family is paying for itself why does everyone have to be so judgemental?!? (My other option was to get pregnant whilst I train but I suffered with such bad sickness during my pregnancy that for the first few months I wouldn't be in any position to teach remotely well.)

What I'm looking for I guess is some reassurance that I can have my children when I want to and that there are other woman out there who don't work and don't feel others judge them to be a complete waste of space. It probably doesn't help my situation as me and my partner aren't married... or is it completely in my head if you're married you get more credibility as a stay at home mum? I'll probably be working till I'm 70 anyway, what does it matter if I'm later to start my career?! I hate the thought of letting the people who have offered me the job down, but right now all I can think about is having another baby. Before dd I was never remotely broody, I just don't know what is wrong with me or what to do.

I feel like I'm going crazy.

Please, someone tell me I'm not completely crazy to be considering this

OP posts:
FeeltheBeeranddoitanyway · 20/04/2012 23:28

VERY VERY VERY VERY SIMPLE ANSWER
YANBU
get on with another sproggsting!!

Empusa · 20/04/2012 23:30

Your family sound nuts! If both you and your OH want another baby and can support it, then there is no good reason not to go ahead!

Good luck conceiving Grin

MsVestibule · 20/04/2012 23:35

I had my 2 DCs 20 months apart, and although I have been batshit crazy (slight exaggeration) for some of that time, I'm very glad I did it.

When it comes down to it, you want another baby, your DP wants another one, so who cares what anybody else thinks.

And BTW, no, it matters not a jot if you're a married SAHM or a shacked up SAHM. You're seen a lazy fecker either way Wink. But on a more serious note, if you're unmarried and relying on your partner financially, make sure you have the legal side of it sorted out, e.g. mortgage, life insurance, wills.

AgentZigzag · 20/04/2012 23:36

Nothing to do with your family.

If your DH thinks the same, that's all that matters.

MoonlightandRoses · 20/04/2012 23:44

YANBU - if both of you want another one, and are happy with you staying at home in the early years as part of this, then go for it.

I can see where your family is coming from - mine were similar - it's not so much the 'kept woman' stigma as a concern as to what might happen to you / DC's should the relationship fail and you have to support a family on your own with minimal qualifications / experience.

In terms of the job you may be turning down - trust me, they will view you with far more respect for doing so. Far better that than letting them down by starting and then informing them that they need to look for a stand-in for X length of time. Do make sure you let them know the reason though - it may stand to you when you do decide to go back.

rhondajean · 20/04/2012 23:45

Are you truly confident you can pick up your career if you didn't do the teacher training job?

I ALWAYS get broody inthe spring, majorly so.

Yes you should have another baby but you also need to make sure you time it right, you are talking one year for gtc registration right, can you hang off a few months and get the best of both worlds?

splashymcsplash · 21/04/2012 07:34

You shouldn't care what they think.

Do what works for you and your dp.

mrspepperpotty · 21/04/2012 07:45

I agree with Moonlightandroses that if you split up with your partner or he dies, you may find that you are entitled to less financial support than if you had been married. So it is more important that you are able to earn for yourself in case the worst happens. This may be what is concerning your family? Agree it's none of their business really!

jasminerice · 21/04/2012 07:52

What a wierd family you have. I'm a 'kept' woman, ie SAHM, but I bloody well work as hard as anybody who gets paid. And my job is the most important in the world. Our DC's are society's future adults and I want to make sure I bring them up to be decent, healthy people.

Ignore your crazy family.

Quills · 21/04/2012 08:12

My family have a similar opinion, but for me and DH it's important that I'm at home with our children in the early years, and luckily we can tighten our belts enough to manage that. What I would say, though, is keep your head in the mindset of 'someday' going back to work - I work freelance as an editor and author, fitting it in around DD (and now the demands of a new pregnancy!) and I've found it to be invaluable. Not only do I have an interest outside my children, wonderful as they are, but it keeps my brain active and challenged, and when I do go back to conventional employment, I have something to show on my CV for the years I've taken out to be a SAHM.

We always say that we'll never regret having another baby, but we may well have regretted NOT doing it :)

blondiep14 · 21/04/2012 08:16

I had my two boys 23 months apart and it has been crazy but I'm glad they're close in age now.

I went back to work after DS1 but got made redundant. I found out I was pregnant with DS2 the day after my leaving drinks.
I haven't worked since having DS2 as haven't found a job locally that works out financially with childcare.
It's a struggle but I'm glad I'm at home with them whilst they are small.

If in your situation I think I may have waited a year before having DC2 as it puts you in a much better position for afterwards.

AngelsOnHigh · 21/04/2012 08:21

Start the teacher training job. You might not conceive straight away. If you do , the world isn't going to come to a halt because you have to stop working.

Who knows, you may fly through the next pregnancy without any morning sickness.

This at least will keep your family off your back because they can see that you had started working and will continue to do so when you are ready to.

Inertia · 21/04/2012 08:25

I completely understand how you feel. However, the school timetables will be almost fully planned now , and it could be a spanner in the works if you drop out. It might be much harder to get a second shot at this if you have rejected a place once.

BarryBumlove · 21/04/2012 08:34

I agree with angels.

I hope you don't take this the wrong way but I think you do need a back up plan in case your relationship breaks down. The relationship boards on here are full of women stuck in shit relationships feeling trapped because they gave up jobs to depend on men who then turned out to be arseholes. If you do the training and then go on maternity leave you'll be in a much stronger position than if you don't do the training at all.

NorfolkNChance · 21/04/2012 08:42

Just a word of warning about doing the training first, if you are only planning on being out for 9 months-1 year then that'll work but any more than that and you might find yourself in an even trickier position. I have lost count of friends who are fully trained teachers who took time out when their children were young and have found that they cannot return to teaching after a couple of years out because of how quickly everything moves (yes thank you Balls, Gove et al) in terms of new stratgies etc.

If you are commited to staying at home when your children are young then do that first IMHO.

differentnameforthis · 21/04/2012 10:22

(I do not see having a baby as a way of getting out of working!!!)

Is that why others have kids then? Hmm

KitCat26 · 21/04/2012 11:49

YANBU.
You are not crazy. The only considerations you need to take into account are how you and your DH feel and your career.

It is worth considering what others have said about teacher training though and how that may effect your prospects when you want to return to work.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page