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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that come round for some cake after school

28 replies

Choufleur · 20/04/2012 08:56

does not mean phone at 7.45am (although that in itself is ok as to was to wish DS happy birthday) and say we'll be round about 1pm.

That's what MIL did this morning as it's DS's 6th b'day. I have things to do and haven't got time to entertain them for 2 hours before pick up at school. I might just go shopping this afternoon instead of this morning so that I'm not here.

OP posts:

TanteRose · 20/04/2012 08:58

erm just say, that is not convenient and give them a time that suits you

Eggrules · 20/04/2012 09:00

'I won't be in until after the school run. See you at 3:30'.

My parents do this when they visit and it drives me mad. It was lovely of them to agree to pick up DS and take him out for dinner so DH and I could both go to parent's evening. They turned up at 11am - I work from home.

Original poster

Choufleur · 20/04/2012 09:00

You don't know here - I have repeated come round after school and told her that my SIL (her daughter) is coming for 4pm. She chooses to just ignore what I say and will just turn up when she likes.

OP posts:

SillyBeardyDaddyman · 20/04/2012 09:02

Have you tried placing landmines in the front garden?

Otherwise just give her a bell and say something came up, gotta go out and enjoy your shopping!

Eggrules · 20/04/2012 09:02

You need to be explicit. 'If you come over at 1pm, I will be out. See you at 4pm'.

I would ring her and say you have errands to run and go out.

Petsinmypudenda · 20/04/2012 09:02

Rude!

Do nasty things to her piece of cake, Sit with a massive smile while she eats it...

upahill · 20/04/2012 09:04

I would go out for the day and not be there.
Do the shopping in the afternoon like you are thinking of doing.
Pick DS up on the way home and have a suprised look on your face when you find them on your drive at 3.15pm and say 'But I told you to come after school!!

Original poster

Choufleur · 20/04/2012 09:05

Seriously they will come early and then be narky as they have had to sit in the car waiting for me to get home.

I'm just going to go out anyway but it annoys me that she just doesn't listen. She's actually nice but this drives me mad.

OP posts:

Bambino81 · 20/04/2012 09:05

If you've told her, then just leave her too it. When she turns up and ur not there she only has herself to blame

timetosmile · 20/04/2012 09:06

I'm assuming that she's being akward, and not that she has a 5 hour drive, or has to get a cross country train etc?

Eggrules · 20/04/2012 09:09

I would let her sit in the car. If she knows you will be out, it is up to her how she fills the time until 4pm.

Original poster

Choufleur · 20/04/2012 09:22

No - it takes about half an hour for her to get here.

OP posts:

BackforGood · 20/04/2012 09:32

I too would let her sit in the car.
If I've specifically said 'I won't be in until after 3.30' and someone (anyone, this wouldn't just apply to a MiL), and they turn up before that time, what else would they expect to be doing if they turn up when you've told them you won't be ther ?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 20/04/2012 10:33

Definitely go out and let her wait in the car. If she gets narky,, just say, 'But darling MIL, I did tell you that I wouldn't be in at 1pm" and ask, with a concerned expression, "Are you forgetting a lot of stuff, at the moment?"

BlueFergie · 20/04/2012 10:38

Well so what if she gets narky. If she doesn't like sitting around in her car wiring she shouldn't show up three hours early should she? Her problem not yours.

BlueFergie · 20/04/2012 10:39

Wiring=waiting

JustHecate · 20/04/2012 10:42

let her sit in the car. "I won't be there. If you come, you will have to wait in the car until 4pm. Please don't come just to sit in the car. Come at 4, when I'll be in"

Then if she comes anyway and is narky, it's simple "look, I was very clear that I wouldn't be in, and you chose to come anyway. Why are you cross?"

Dropdeadfred · 20/04/2012 10:42

I would definitely go out. Or I'd just stay in and not answer the door...

LordGiveMeStrength · 20/04/2012 10:48

Sounds like my mil. There was one time she did this to me and even though I had no need to go out I took the kids for a drive in the country to kill time, and make a point. She sent me a text asking where I was and u calmly replied that I clearly stated the time to her and that I was out. She's never done it again. Although if anyone has tips on how to get her to leave that would be great. A quick event at 3pm usually means she doesn't leave until close to 10 and expects me to feed her dinner as well...,

JustHecate · 20/04/2012 11:07

Go to bed. "Got an early start tomorrow. See yourself out."

That ought to do it!

Haribolicious · 20/04/2012 12:30

It's infruriating isn't it?!

We had something similar whereby inlaws were coming to visit (we're over 200 miles away from them so it's a long drive but!) we told them that we'd be out for most of the day (we were taking DS into London as part of his bday treat) and we'd be back by 6pm but if they wanted to come earlier (understandable because of the long drive but even come the next day because we'd already planned the day out!) then we would leave a key for them with our neighbour. They arrived at 4pm and called DH, furious as we weren't there to meet them! Luckily DH couldn't care less as we'd already told them of our plans and didn't want to cut short DS's day. When we arrived home as planned at 6pm and they'd already gone to bed! By the time we woke up the next morning (around 730am) they'd already got up and left without a word! They didn't speak to us for ages after as they felt we were rude not being there when they arrived. The fact that we'd prewarned them we wouldn't be in just fell on deaf ears. Ridiculous...sometimes people (funnily enough it's usually the inlaws!) just hear what they want!

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 20/04/2012 12:35

There really are some barking people

Definintely be out until the time you have said - if she gets the hump do what SDTG said and ask her if she's forgetting a lot of things lately :)

It's so bloody rude - you shouldn't have to 'go out'.

SarahJessicaFarter · 20/04/2012 12:41

My MIL has fallen out with DH over soon not so trivial things. Yesterday she turned up on our doorstep, unannounced at 1pm to talk to me about it. 5 hour drive from us. Luckily butnotforher I was out on a cross country run with a friend. She came all that way, left a note and turned around and went back. A text would have saved her a lot of fuel!

thereistheball · 20/04/2012 12:48

My dad always used to arrive early to see me, sometimes by 2 or 3 hours. It was because he had trouble sleeping before a drive due to nerves (it usually took him 1.5hrs, but he was driving into London so potentially faced extra delays if he hit traffic). The nerves were because he was getting on and it was a change of routine, and we all know traffic can be stressful, ESP if you aren't used to it, don't have satnav, don't know if/where you'll be able to stop, etc.

However, after once waking me up (we were meeting for lunch, I was in my early 20s) with a massive hangover and having to observe while I cleared up the debris from the previous night's party, he took to arriving as early as ever but then reading the papers in the car til it was time to knock on the door. I caught him at it several times.

I suppose I am saying that it's possible for parents/ILs to be more considerate about their arrival times, but maybe we could be more sympathetic about the reasons they choose to arrive early. I miss my dad. He was a proper gent.

thebody · 20/04/2012 12:53

People are so strange arny they?. Just state your plans and do what you have to do.

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