To think I will get a better night's sleep if I stop breastfeeding?

[Birdylade]

DS3 is 16 months and I'm still bfing a few times a day and at night (we co-sleep). Over the past 2 months he has been waking in the night a feeding frequently, up to three or four times, and I am knackered... He is teething so that is likely partly why he is waking but I am wondering if it is unreasonable to expect him to stop waking throughout the night if I stop bfing?

I don't really want to stop but the lack of sleep is killing me!

YANBU! This was why I chose to bottle feed my newborn DD when I already had an insomniac 20 month old DS!!

My formula fed DD still has milk in the night at times, it's just now it is cow's milk in a cup rather than formula in a bottle. She is 16 months and wakes 1 to 4 times a night, but only has milk every now and then.

Night waking stopped for us immediately when I stopped BF-ing DS. He was 15 months and waking 1-2 times a night to BF. I stopped one feed at a time - first of all the bedtime feed - with DH doing it with a bottle, then a few days later the middle of the night one(s) - with DH going in instead of me. This only lasted a day or so IIRC. Then the morning feed, giving a bottle instead. Then finally the pre and post-nap feeds.
I had no engorgement issues and DS didn't really seem to mind much - he was happier for getting a good nights sleep and so was I!
This was how it worked for us and DS has been a great sleeper ever since (touch wood!) but I know that it doesn't work like this for everyone.

I'd say it depends - is he taking proper feeds? I know the books say babies don't need night feeds after 6 months, but in my experience the babies don't tend to have read the books. DD1 was a model sleeper, bed at 7.30 with bf, snuck her a dream feed at 10pm, she'd then go through until 7.30.

DD2 did not do this - she woke regular as clockwork at 11.30 and 2.30 (even with dream feed at 10 so I stopped that sharpish) - and would take both sides in about 10 minutes flat. She was hungry (very tall, thin, early developing baby).

This went on until nearly a year, was bearable even though I was back working at 6 months. Then she started falling asleep the moment my milk let down, at which point I called time on it and night-weaned her. I did pick up/put down, had to pick her up 40+ times the first night, once or twice the second, then she slept through.

So the point of this ramble is that there are no guarantees, but if he is actually taking in a feed rather than comfort sucking, you may have to reconsider your daytime food strategy for him.

YANBU

Breastfeeding is the tyranny of infants. Yes, it has so many advantages but because it's a comfort thing as well as a food thing, they want it 24/7. I got so sick of bfing 4 times a night that I got ds to take a bottle at 8 months by putting fruit juice in it to get him interested. Before that he refused to take a bottle at all. Number of night time feeds went down significantly once he was on a bottle. I stopped giving him milk at night when he was 2, but he still wakes at night very often and wants me to stay with him till he goes back to sleep. Some kids are just not good sleepers.

Have done some co-sleeping but he is so wriggly and won't sleep the right way up, wants to be horizontal on the pillow, or upside down on top of the covers, kicks, tries to sleep on my face. It's basically a recipe for a crap night's sleep.

Now pregnant with twins and planning to bf them. Dreading it tbh. I hate having no sleep, makes me so grumpy and as far as I'm concerned bfing definitely means less sleep. I got so sick of hearing "sleep when he sleeps" with ds. He had to be rocked to sleep after each waking and then would often wake when you put him down and start screaming so I'd have to start the whole process again. health visitors would say, put him down when he's sleepy but not actually asleep so he learns to go to sleep by himself. He would just scream blue murder. Controlled crying was awful. He could keep it up for hours. He didn't hhave reliable naps, would sleep for 20 mins after being walked round the block in the pram to send him off, never managed to get him to nap in cot. So no napping opportunities for me. If twins are the same I will go crazy.

Thanks for all the advice, I gave him a little feed before bed then took a beaker of cows milk to bed, when he woke up I offered him that, at first he shook his head then he drank some and didn't wake up again until 6 when he had some more cows milk. I've had to express breast milk a couple of times today and so have given that to him in his cup, he doesn't actually seem to bothered apart from the odd 'booby grab'!

I'm hoping I'll have a bit more energy too, not only through better sleep but also through not feeding... we shall see!

I nightweaned before stopping breastfeeding, I just offered water at night if DD woke. She still woke for water a few times - we kept a very non-drip sippy cup next to the bed. Eventually she outgrew wanting water - she still asks for it sometime when she wakes up in the night or whilst dropping off.

We continued to cosleep until a couple of weeks ago when she suddenly decided she wanted her own room.

Get him out of your bed! I had ds in my bed bfing til about this age. We moved him into the cot in the other room, ds got up to him and gave him water for about two weeks and all was well. We slept again. It made a huge difference to us. I had been so anxious and on edge in those last few months (on top of PND I never had treated) and I never factored in how important sleep was in maintaining it. A few weeks of sleep and I was like a new woman. If nothing else if you stop co-sleeping and night-wean your dh can take equal turns settling him and reduce the load.

One of my friends still has her 2;6 year old in the bed with her, but is not breastfeeding. I think this is bad news. She loves the bond yada yada and I understand it, I loved the cuddles too.. and sometimes I do miss it, even now.. but the strain between her and her dh is MASSIVE right now and she seems totally worn out, plus her son just won't go down for her at night unless she lies with him for an hour.. and she resents her husband for this as she feels he does nothing and she has this massive burden.. but doesn't seem to see her own role in this at all.

It may very well have been the case that in times gone by people all slept in one bed and it was wonderful, and I have no doubt there are families who love every second of such an arrangement now.. but if it starts to take a toll on the wider family through sleep deprivation etc, it's best to can it IMO.

Poor you joannita that sounds awful. Hope your twins are good sleepers!

joannita - you must be pretty stressed at the thought of no sleep, do they have bumps and baby groups for mum's with/expecting twins in your area?

I never knew until recently that people did bf their babies in the night after about 6 months!(and i semi-co slept, and bf'd in the day)

I am sure you can continue bf'ing, and co sleeping, but stop feeding in the night.

I stopped bf'ing DS2 when he was nearly 17mo last year and he slept through the night after a few nights using the gradual retreat technique. He soon realise mummy wasn't giving him any more milk and he's been fine ever since (except when ill).

I am enjoying what sleep I get to what it used to be like.

Having said that, I wouldnt co sleep anymore if you want a good nights sleep!

Birdylade - yes I am stressed and scared. I'm kind of scared of meeting twin families too in a way, if I meet super-capable mums who say it's a breeze, I'll feel inadequate but if they tell me how hard it is I'll feel doomed! I know that's me being stupid and I should probably get out there and meet people. There is a group in my area, but I'd have to take time off work to go there as it's on Wednesday afternoons. Don't get me wrong, I'm not in denial about twins and I'm excited about it in a lot of ways, but I definitely feel daunted because I struggle to get enough sleep with 2y 4 month old ds, so adding two littlies into the equation is bound to be tough!

Glad giving cows milk in a beaker worked for you.

joannita - I don't have experience with twins, but must say that when I had my first DC, when I have joined a group in general (and even when DD started school) I felt a bit like the way you describe, I was apprehensive and worried that others would be so much more competent than me or just want to moan about how hard it is bringing up children. I soon realised that most of us felt the exact same way before joining and on the most part all you get is support, friendship & honest advice, I would give it a go if you can, good luck

OP, I felt the same as you. I fed my daughter for 18 months and only stopped when I fancied a sleep on the motorway on my way to work. I was almost demented with tiredness. She wasn't bothered at all when I told her the milk had gone (with a sad face!) I wished I'd stopped earlier.

You have to stop sometime. Be realistic - do you really think children who don't breastfeed have no bond? Do you really think the breastfeeding is all she likes about you? She loves you. She's mad about you. Tell her you have to cuddle now there's no milk.

My daughter started to sleep through when she realised there was no milk on offer. Immediately I felt better and, I believe, was a better mum.

what imperial said

good luck

i think it's the co-sleeping not the BFing but every child is different so it's hard to know. I BF for 18 months but didn't co-sleep and there were no night feed after 11 months or so. If I were you I'd either stop co-sleeping or offer water.