to think dh could at least try to be there

[tenby22]

It's ds bithday party on Tuesday next week. The venue ds wanted charges much more for weekend parties so having a weekend party was not really an option.
Now dh has a job with a long commute However, he does have the option to work from home. Only normally does it when he has doctor's appointments etc but option is there.
I had hoped that he would make the effort for his ds's party but no. Party had been booked for a month so plenty of time to make arrangements with work.
I am a litte worried that I may be stuck on my own with fourteen 6 to 7 year olds. MIL may try to make it but not guaranteed. I know if everything goes well that will be fine but what about if there is a problem?
Plus at this stage no parents have definately confirmed if they will be staying.

Sorry, but this is why we always had parties at the weekend-so that we could both be there.

How would he be working from home if at his son´s party?

Did you ask him to take time off & he refused?

If he's working from home, he should be working - not going to a birthday party surely? Or do you mean the party if after his normal working hours in the time he normally commutes? Even if there is the option to work from home, some companies prefer that this option is used as little as possible - I can see that DH might feel that a child's party is not a good reason to rock the boat.

TBH I think you needed to sort out party support before you booked the party - did you discuss it with your DH at this time? If he agreed to help and is now going back on his word you definitely have a right to be miffed - it he didn't agree to anything, it would perhaps have been more sensible to ask another parent to help you out?

In theory working hours should be about 8 hours per day. Currently leaves at 6.30 and home by about 6.30. So although party start would be before official finishing time it could be made up by working in this morning during commuting time.
I think I probably did make the assumption that he would be there as he has managed it previously when we had weekday parties. Probably also assumed people would stay as have done for previous parties. I suppose I have been a little naive as this is my 1st.

Why wouldn't he make the request? If there's some work-related issue that means he has to be in the office that day, then you'd have to just put up with it. But it seems odd not to even try.

Could he work an hour earlier (despite a 5.30 commute start being a real pig) and get there for some of it?

YABU because you arranged the party first and then expected DH and his employer to work around it.

I do feel your pain though, 14 children!

Why would he not want to be at his child's party?? How mean of him not to make arrangements to make sure he could be.

Could he not take annual leave?

Sorry, just read your other post. Yes, surely he could work from home and work around the party times.

He IBU to not even consider it, but YAB a little bit U to not say upfront "Right, so as we can only afford to book his party on a weekday, can you make sure that you work from home that day please". But, I can understand your assumption that he would be there.

Make it clear from now that you expect 50/50 on things like this, because otherwise the rot will set in and you will be stuck with 100% on all things like parties, playdates, afterschool clubs etc. As a parent you dont get to opt out of the things you dont like, and as he has a perfectly legitimate way to be there then he is opting out.

Has he out and out refused to do it?

I guess I just thought that a months notice would be adequate to arrange to work from home. If he came back and said sorry I can't do that day I have a meeting than fine. However, he doesn't seem to have tried.
On the day of booking it I tried ringing dh to confirm that he would definately be there(dh had been pestering me for days).
Unfortunately couldn't get hold of him.
So, yes I do accept I should have probably made sure before booking. I am sure I can get another parent to stay so it will be fine.
Guess I am just a little sad that he doesn't want to make the effort to be there.

YANBU - if your DH can make an early start working from home, go to his son's party and then be home to check emails, etc again later on, I don't see the problem for him or his employer. Why is he being awkward, surely he doesn't want to miss his own child's birthday party?