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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was uneccasrily mean (and no im not still stewing over it, just remembered it)

26 replies

WhaleOilBeefHookedIWill · 19/04/2012 11:02

Christmas Eve, my parents and brother come round to drop gifts off. My brother who is in hos early thrities had been drinking most of the day (his birthday is Christmas Eve) and continued to accept drink at out house (offered to him by DH) anyway he gives my son his mobile phone to mess around with, letting him play with a talking cat app. Then all of a sudden he says 'oh no look what you've done' and he has put a pretend crack on the screen (another app) and my parents start saying oh thats naughty, that cost a lot of money etc etc. My brother than starts to ignore my son and he then goes off to bed crying on christmas eve thinking he'd been a naughty boy and broken his uncles phone.
Sorry I know its four months later but for some reason its just come to me and I just wanted to see if anyone else thought it was petty and mean

OP posts:
IAmBooyhoo · 19/04/2012 11:04

yes i think that's mean. what age is your son?

Bingdweller · 19/04/2012 11:12

No, not nice at all. However "just remembering it" after 4 months then posting in here is a little bit strange IMO......

diddl · 19/04/2012 11:15

Horrible thing to do-especially as your parents waded in & your brother didn´t bother to explain then.

diddl · 19/04/2012 11:15

That said-where were you & what did you do?

LittleJennyRobyn · 19/04/2012 11:16

Did you not say anything at the time??

2ombie5layer · 19/04/2012 11:16

I think it was only mean if your brother didnt tell your DS that it was a joke or that it lasted too long.

leftmysociallifeatthedoor · 19/04/2012 11:18

When did you find out it was a pretend crack?

How odd that you would just remember it now...

EdithWeston · 19/04/2012 11:18

It's not mean in itself to play a practical joke, and they can be great fun (eg CBBC's Prank Patrol).

But I think this was mean because it was not resolved and shown to be a joke. It should have been explained as a joke within a few minutes (depending on age and reaction of child) and great efforts made to ensure the victim is totally cheered up. You and/or DH should have made sure this happened in a very short space of time.

It is incredibly mean that a child goes to bed still upset on Christmas Eve.

Bambino81 · 19/04/2012 11:18

Yeah it was a little mean, why didn't you say something like.. "oh uncle X was just joking, look it's only pretend. He's naughty isn't he."

Rather then letting him go to bed in tears.

And then posting it here 4 months later..

blackeyedsusan · 19/04/2012 11:19

yes it was mean.

FondleWithCare · 19/04/2012 11:22

Yes it was mean. It should have been said that it was a joke straight afterwards.

CrumpettyTree · 19/04/2012 11:27

Where were you? If you were there watching I think you should have reassured your son 4 seconds after the trick, rather than taking four months to react.

FunnysInLaJardin · 19/04/2012 11:29

very mean, I hate that sort of thing, your poor DS

Original poster
WhaleOilBeefHookedIWill · 19/04/2012 11:35

I was at the time desperatley trying to get them out of those house as trhey turned up ridiculously late despite expecting me to then drop their presents to another relative around, I think I went and comforted myson and told him not to listen to his childish uncle as he'd probably had too much to drink. Then told my DB and Dparents that I thought that it was pathetic.

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 19/04/2012 11:41

It's more than pathetic, given that it was Christmas Eve and that should be a happy and exciting time for children and nothing else.

If he didn't say sorry and make up for it, then i can understand it still bothering you.

I would tellhim in no uncertain terms that he doesn't 'game play' when it comes to your son and especially not at what should be child centred times.

TheRhubarb · 19/04/2012 11:43

Erm, yes it was mean of you to let your son go to bed crying on Christmas Eve thinking he had broken his uncle's phone. Even if he had, it would not have been his fault, it's not like he was being naughty with it.

What you should have done was to have got your brother to explain that it was just a silly app, then given your ds a treat to make up for the mean trick that your brother played, instead of sending him to bed when you knew he was still upset.

CrumpettyTree · 19/04/2012 11:49

Did your parents know it was a trick or did they misunderstand and think your son had really broken it? Your brother sounds quite cruel, especially when he saw how upset your son was and did nothing to reassure him but gave him the cold shoulder. If your parents were going along with the trick then we know where he gets it from. I still don't understand why you didn't step in earlier and even let him go to bed crying before going to reassure him.

LittleJennyRobyn · 19/04/2012 11:50

You think that you went to comfort your son???

Yes agree with rhubarb you should not have let your son go to bed upset.

you should have reassured him in front of your DB and parents.

CrumpettyTree · 19/04/2012 11:53

I'd keep your family well away from your son on Xmas eve in future if i were you. Give him a very happy Christmas eve next year as his memory of the last one is quite a sad one.

Original poster
WhaleOilBeefHookedIWill · 19/04/2012 11:54

I didnt send him to bed, he took himself off to bed then came back shortly after.

OP posts:
TheRhubarb · 19/04/2012 11:59

I still don't think you can just blame this on your brother and parents. You were stressed, you wanted them out and you didn't pay due attention to your ds who was so upset that he took himself off to bed.

Take a little responsibility yourself. It's a tragedy that he was so upset on Christmas Eve because of a stupid prank but the two people who could have reassured him and made it all better were too busy with other things.

You did ask.

titfortat · 19/04/2012 12:01

Yes, it was mean. And awful. As soon as it was obvious that it was bothering your child, you should of stepped in and made it known that A) His uncle/grandparent are both tits (although put across better). B) It was just a joke, he hadn't actually broken it and C) He was NOT naughty. Then I would have had strong words with said tits before giving my son a cuddle and some one on one time before bed to take his mind off it.

AbigailAdams · 19/04/2012 12:04

What was your DH doing? Did he comfort your son at all or step in? Or is he completely absolved in the blame-fest going on here?

PandaWatch · 19/04/2012 12:08

Sometimes adults forget how small your world is when you're little and how things like this can seem like a huge deal. I can still remember my older siblings teasing me that I was in trouble about things and my parents going along with it and finding it really upsetting because I didn't understand. Not because they are mean (my family are lovely people!) but because they were being thoughtless.

I wouldn't dwell on it but if it happens again make sure your dc knows he's just being teased and make sure he's in on the joke by saying something like "isn't [uncle whatever] being silly, he thinks his phone is broken"

CrumpettyTree · 19/04/2012 12:11

I hadn't noticed that the dh was there. What was he doing at the time OP? If he was in the room at the time like the OP, then yes, yet another adult who acted unkindly to the child by allowing this to happen. Poor lad.