To be irritated by the phrase "going forward"

[somebloke123]

.. as in "these are our objectives going forward".

What happened to "in future"?

I say that Pendeen! If it's space for something or someone I really like, it becomes a "stained-glass lead-lined window of opportunity in my diary".

i'll get me coat.

round these parts we like to refer to 'having a fenetre'

"information radiator" - Whiteboard!
"lob it over the fence" - deliver a report to the client

It's at times like these that I am truly thankful for having been made redundant so I don't have to listen to this twaddle any more! Going forward has always been a personal hate of mine. I have a friend who uses it in casual conversation - brings me out in a white rage!

Love the phrase 'projected wankery' though :-)

projected wankery and wanktalk -- If I drop that into a conversation with my American colleagues, would they understand its meaning. So very tempting...

I defy anyone to beat this phrase for wankery, from a company I no longer work for :

DOUBLE-DIGIT SPAN OF EMPOWERMENT

It means that to be a manager on a higher grade, you needed to have at least ten underlings; otherwise you were just a team leader. They used to work 'empower' into so many phrases ...

ROFL Flib!

Fucking 'in terms of'. Now WTF is that supposed to mean?
'Well, in terms of bums on seats that'll be 300'
Or just bloody say there will be 300 people there.
fuckwits.

I've got one! I've got one!

Twatman in work was referring to a problem that was probably going to resolve itself pretty soon.

"well, I don't think we have to worry about that

Damn.

"well, I don't think we have to worry about that one. That's going to WASH IT'S OWN FACE."

I kid you not.

Sorry anytime i hear the phrase going forward I think of this song

YADNBU

One day I will hear:

The stakeholders have a window of opportunity to grip the alligator nearest the canoe with granularity.

And I will have hit the jackpot on buzz word bingo.

Grrrrr

"at this moment in time"

What is wrong with "now"?!

Oh I definitely don't miss these!!

At my DH's company, the phrase "get back to me" has been replaced with "revert" for no apparent reason. Obviously some knob one thought it sounded smarter and now everyone uses it. So DH will get an email asking him to do something with a "Please revert by close of business today". He says people are reverting all over the place

Come to mention it, close of business is another one but I ended up using it coz I could never think of another way to say end of play "home time" without sounding like a school kid!

Fortunately I switched careers to education so the only time I hear these wankerisms are when I'm watching The Apprentice and Dragon's Den)

AIBUqatada (as aside; genius name) - no but wanted to. Did you also do a double take at how much of a hottie the Spaced chick is in it?! I mean she was cute in Spaced and now she's about half the size too! In a good way.

YABU, I love it - it's the ultimate 'just can't be arsed, means fuck all' narrative bridge and I use at least once in every presentation I do much to one particular collaegue's chagrin.

'sexy' otoh

'Challenging' is the most piss poor IMO, sets my teeth on edge!

Hahaha god some of these have me crying but I confess, I too use going forward. And early adopters, and quite a few others. Don't shoot me!

I work in comms and marketing, digital marketing specifically. For a finance company. So you know, it's hardly thrilling content or cutting edge. The company is filled with either young brokers who think our interactive things should "look like Google" (WTF?), or old boys who think business should still be done in the cigar-smoke ridden rooms of a gentleman's club.

So most of the time I'm either battling complete insanity or desperately trying to push the marketing plans into the 21st century. Going forward is something I use when the conversation has stalled in a land of complete and it's the only polite thing to say without risk of actually saying what I think and thus, offending these Very Important People. Or I tend to launch into a lot of this speak to dazzle them into submission.

I'm sorry.

This might give me away, but my last UK schools, I was puzzled by the references to "vision panels" after the long break.

It meant windows had been put into all classroom doors.

And I thought it was some meeting of erudite wankers meeting to dream up more tiresome shit for we teachers to do.

Oh, and "forward planning". What other kind is there? FFS.

Oh one I really hate, and NEVER use is: So I'm just going to go ahead and do that...

My team and I are always trying out new tools/software/playing with social media things and stuff. It's a very American thing to do in that I've only ever seen Americans do it - we're all watching on a web meeting, someone is sharing their screen and demonstrating what you do or whatever and they're hovering over the "submit" button and saying "...so then what you do is press submit...so I'm going to go ahead and do that..."

Why not just fucking do it then??? Why tell us you're going to do it when you;ve already told us it's the next step, and we can see you're freakin' screen and WHAT YOU'RE DOING!!

Argh.

My FIL who is now retired but used to work in management, still uses "moving forward" in his everyday speak. It makes me squirm!

I used to work somewhere that liked us to know what success looks like and to reach out to our stakeholders with a strong vision, a clear roadmap and some critical milestones (which we'd then get to via swimlanes)

And problems with your work weren't actually problems at all. They were development goals.

'Just a heads up'
'Touch base'
'moving forward'
'Think outside the square/box etc etc'
'See how we're placed then' (Whether we're free or not)
'By COB (Close of business, aka end of the day)
And many many more . . .

echt

'Vision panels' are a legal requirement and specifically refered to as such in the Building Regulations.

They are not windows.